I've been with my partner over 5 years now and I feel I have tried very very hard with his family. I like his dad and have no issue with him, he's always friendly, always talks to me, always the same.
His mum is a totally different story. First of all she has nothing positive to say about her other DIL whom we shall call the Princess. She's been married into the family for about 8 years and is by all accounts (and what I have witnessed) very high maintenance, a proper princess. MIL has called her everything from a pig to a dog (in front of me, which makes me very uncomfortable) and yet to her face it's a different story. In fact when they are together you can only see MIL's shoes hanging out of Princess's backside as she is so far up it. Princess doesn't speak to me much anyway but when MIL and Princess are together, I am pretty much ignored. Even worse when my partner's sister is there. It makes me feel like I am back at school again being excluded. It's painful.
Now the two-facedness of my MIL wouldn't bother me much as she is a bit of a sad gossipy woman and I realise she wants to be on friendly terms with Princess for the sake of seeing her two grandchildren but there's some other things that MIL has done....
Specifically; "forgotten" my birthday two years in a row. Birthday before that "forgot" my name (I kid you not) so I received a birthday card in the post addressed to just my shortened name and minus my surname, hasn't been to my and my partner's house in 4, yes FOUR years - even though we live 50 miles closer to her than she does the Princess (who she sees regularly; I understand there's kids involved), sees my partner when he drops by after work, but I have never been invited for dinner, will pay me a compliment along the lines of "You look nice. For your size", there are loads of little examples.
Basically it's starting to affect my relationship with my other half. In the whole time we have been together there has only been two family meals that we have been invited to. I couldn't attend one due to work commitments and the other one I did - which was okay until I went to sit down next to MIL in the restaurant and she put her handbag on the seat just as I moved to sit next to her.
Now my partner says his family have never really made much of an effort in visiting him or inviting him to stuff, which I accept to a degree but I know (thanks to Facebook) that MIL used to hang out of partner's ex's bum hole too! Meals out, cinema, theatre, all tagged in together on old FB posts.
My partner knows how I feel. He did used to make excuses for his mum "Oh she didn't mean it like that" but some recent events have made him say to me "I used to think she was just thoughtless but some of the things she's done does look malicious" and I have begged him to tell me if she doesn't like me. I don't want him to not have a relationship with her, it's his mum, I have no right to demand that but I have said to him that this has upset me a lot (as I have really tried with her, used to text her, invite her out, suggest family meals etc, invited her to meet my family - all refused with cr ap excuses) and I kind of want an answer:
Does she like me? If not, what's the problem? If I can rectify it, I'll try. If not, the family can fuck off and he can see his mum and family without me, I won't be at family occasions and funerals etc anymore.
I think the not knowing where I stand or what I have done is the worst part for me. I really wish she would have a pop at me and then we can sort it or never have to make the effort with each other again.