Who is BU? I'm not sure. Sorry it's long.

[acomingin]

A couple of recent threads have reminded me of a situation that has been rumbling in our extended family for some time and looks likely to blow up again.
#Names changed

Mike and Jane were in a relationship. Bought a house together had a DD. Sadly broke up after a few years. Mike paid towards the mortgage and CM well over the required level. He rented a flat and had DD to stay as often as possible. Jane remained a SAHM for several years.

Mike was in a dreadful car accident 10 years ago and was very badly injured. He has been unable to work since and is still having corrective operations, although day to day he manages quite well but is in pain a lot. Eventually he was awarded considerable compensation and he paid off the mortgage and gave the house to Jane. He bought himself a house and he shared custody of DD, while also contributing CM from the remaining compensation.

Five years ago he met and married Tina. Tina also had one DC from her previous marriage. She and her ex shared custody, no money paid by either as both earn substantial salaries. All expenses for school etc shared. Tina and Mike now have a 1 year old.

While Tina was pregnant they sold Mike's house and bought a new, bigger one with room for everyone. Tina is back at work now and the baby is in nursery half time as Mike's injuries mean he struggles to care for her full time. His savings from the compensation are almost gone, apart from a pension fund, which was part of the settlement as it was conceded he'd be unlikely to be able to work full time again. He warned Jane that the money was nearly gone and he wouldn't be paying CM any more, especially as DD is at his house more than her mother's. His DD is nearly 16 and he wants to save what's left to help her through university, paid directly to her.

Jane hates her job and wants to give it up but will have nothing to live on because she hasn't saved any money from the maintenance paid over the years or from her wages. She wants Mike to pay her more not less because Tina is "loaded".

Tina says she is not getting one penny of her money, although she doesn't begrudge a single penny spent on SDD who she loves.

Mike is feeling a bit guilty but there is no money and he bought her a house. That's enough, surely?

It's enough. I think he's been very generous.

Jane needs to work!

Maybe Jane can sell her house and downsize 🤷🏻‍♀️
Not that she will because she sees Mike & Tina as having it all and she wants what they have ..

That's enough. She may hate her job, tough shit. Not his problem. Funding herself is her problem.

It's more than enough.

I can't say I agree with the convoluted workings of CMS, but my understanding would be that if his DD is living with him more than her, they would consider that she should be paying him maintenance...

I think the answer lays in where the dd lives, everything else is irrelevant as children don't stop needing money when parents move on.

If the DD is really living more at Mike's than Jane, then that should be enough.

If DD is living more at Jane's then Mike's, cm should stay.

Jane needs to find a job she likes then. She's an adult and Mike is not responsible for her.

I think Mike has been very reasonable given his limited earning capabilities. What did Jane think would happen in 2 years time when the child turns 18?

Well you need to get your partner to contact the CMS and do things properly. If your SD is with you most of the time then he won't owe her anything will he so that should solve the problem.

Buying a house outright for his ex has obviously put a huge dent in his own security going forward so might not have been his best move

Jane needs to find a job. Dies she think she's so special she doesn't have to support herself?

I meant find another job sorry!

OP, you’re clearly on Mike’s “side”, and it certainly sounds like Mike shouldn’t pay CM any more.

Not because of his income (compensation and pension) or because or because he ‘gave’ Jane the house, but because he has the daughter more than 50% of the time.

But the devil is in the detail. Perhaps daughter is staying over with dad a lot because she just moved to college and it’s closer - but temporary. Doesn’t mean mum can just downsize. Maybe mum got the house because that was a totally fair settlement and she made no claim on his pension.

Mike should not unilaterally decide to stop paying CM at 16, that is not the law. Mike can ask CMS to review his income and the residency situation and adjust accordingly.

You NEVER get all the details on these threads, and it’s very easy to spin it.

Buying a house outright for his ex has obviously put a huge dent in his own security going forward so might not have been his best move

Can Mike charge Jane rent or make her pay him CM?

Mike isn’t earning anything. Jane needs to put her big girl pants on. He gave her the whole house plus maintenance he didn’t need to give. Is Jane is a relative of yours?

How much of the mortgage did he pay off?
How much time does the daughter spend at each house?
Who pays for day to day things, clothes, pocket money, clubs and activities etc.
How much child support has Mike been paying each month, ie is it basic CMS calculated amount or more?

Sounds like Mike has gone well above and beyond for many years, and Jane is a grabby cow who now needs to be an adult.

He warned Jane that the money was nearly gone and he wouldn't be paying CM any more, especially as DD is at his house more than her mother's.

Well, CM is payable until 18. So you can’t just “decide” to stop paying.

But if Mike has his DD resident the majority of the time abd also doesn’t earn, then probably no CM is due. They should all go through official channels to see what the decision is, and abide by that. Everything else (history, compensation, new DC and new partner) is irrelevant.

Mike has done more than enough!

I think Jane is resenting the fact that she now has to start fending for herself.

He has done more than enough. A part time job should be enough to sustain an adult that doesn't have rent or mortgage to pay.

Jane is a cf...

Jane IBU ... He doesn't need to fund her lifestyle and she should work like the rest of us, Tina doesn't owe Jane anything loaded or not if i was Jane then i would prefer the money be spent on my daughters education /future than for me to live.

Jane hates her job and wants to give it up Jane needs to take a running fucking jump into reality. Either get a new job she does like, or if she wants to give up work find a way to pay for herself, not sponge off her ex.

Sounds like Mike has gone well above and beyond for many years, and Jane is a grabby cow who now needs to be an adult. THIS

Mike has gone above and beyond - Jane is now taking the piss and wants the easy life shes been given by Mike (money wise) because hse become used to it - she needs to go and work as shes being spoilt and lazy. She sounds mean and very lazy. Mike is not her cash cow.

agree with Nosquirrels this needs to be done properly and without looking at any emotional history or baggage because that is irrelevant

My relation is Tina - not Mike, although I think he's done enough. His income is an incapacity benefit and that's it. There is no other money, Tina keeps them both. But she won't keep Jane. She did tell her that maybe she should be paying them as SDD chooses to be with them most of the time. That didn't go down well.

They all live in the same village.