To think this is fine to talk about in a work email

[SandAndSeals]

I’ve NC as this is potentially outing.

An awareness email went out to colleagues about the menopause. Is the email, it lists the symptoms inc. hot flushes, low mood etc and also ‘vaginal dryness and reduced sex drive’.

My colleague has put a complaint email in about it as they don’t think it’s appropriate to mention vaginal dryness is a workplace email. However I disagree. It’s a common symptom and should be listed in an awareness article. You would take out ‘difficulty holding an erection’ when discussing prostate cancer, for example.

The Health team send out other emails about out conditions and illnesses depending on what’s being asked for. I’m in the Women’s Network so I know that menopause info has been asked for.

What do you think? AIBU or is she?

OP, that email seems to have been written with your own symptoms in mind which is why posters are asking if you wrote it yourself or were a contributor - it's not every women's experience of menopause by any means.

A list of symptoms is not helpful in the workplace. Colleagues need to know that if they need to make an adjustment to their working day that it will be possible and viewed sympathetically when they ask. A list of symptoms does not achieve this.

Having said that - the main reason that I think this was a completely unsuitable approach is that although all women experience the menopause differently, they all go through it at some point - that's not true of prostate cancer for men (thankfully). For an email that covers the entire female workforce at some point, a LOT more thought should have been given to how it would come over. That's the difference - previous emails would have been about issues affecting only a relatively small percentage of the workforce.

You had something to do with this OP, and are (perhaps understandably) defensive about it. But I think that was completely the wrong way to go about it. Back in my HR days, I'd have said that I didn't think it was a good idea if I'd seen it before it went out! Probably because I am of that age myself and that's certainly NOT how I want my colleagues to think of me, rather like your own colleague!

Not sure why people think the point of it is about how it affects work - it's about total wellness for all people the employer employs, caring about their welfare.

You may sail through the menopause, but you may also suffer and feel embarrassed to tell people why you are knackered. But regardless of that, you may well find that this is one of very few sources of information and it might help you to deal with your collected symptoms and encourage you to speak to your HCP or take some steps on self-care - all of which is good for the employer in the long run.

We have this sort of thing at work, we also have a women's network (I am not on it) and we have various wellness initiatives.

Hi OP,

If vaginal dryness doesn't affect people at work then I guess it is not a relevant symptom (eg if it's only a factor when having sex).

But if it is painful or debilitating in the workplace then yes keep it in.

Maybe we are only in the early days of figuring out how to talk about menopause and mistakes are inevitable.

It’s not “snowflakey” to complain about a communication, well intended or not, that is likely to negatively affect some women, which this one clearly was IMO.

Getting older while working may or may not be a “big deal” depending on one’s health and circumstances.

Agree that for many of us - though not all - menopause is far more difficult than male symptoms of ageing. But drawing attention to symptoms in a haphazard way like OP’s colleague did is very unlikely to lead to positive changes such as better management and adjustments.

It’s likely to result in embarrassment and unwanted, general discussion by or attention from colleagues.

It’s hard enough dealing with disadvantage and discrimination at work without attention being called to womens health issues in a general, poorly managed way.

I think vaginal dryness is relevant if you are constantly itchy and uncomfortable. I don't suffer from it (yet) but I can imagine it doesn't just affect having sex? And I do get itchy a lot (eg thrush).

Some women suffer very badly with menopause. I don't think it's at all inappropriate to raise awareness of that fact in the workplace and make the point that women will still do their work well, but may need a little understanding at times. Ditto for heavy periods.

And I do think it's snowflakey to complain about it. Does that mean we can't mention breast cancer or breastfeeding either because the word breast is used.

I'd rather my boss didn't think of my vaginal dryness were I to mention menopause to him. Some companies just try way too hard to be 'woke', it makes me cringe.

@Shartgoblin, completely agree. Probably copied and pasted unthinkingly by a junior member of the comms team.

We get emails about cancer screening that are nothing to do with how we are at work. So I also agree that not everything has to be about how you are at work.

Have a wandered into the Handmaid's Tale?

Seems completely unnecessary to me. Has an email gone round about women’s vaginas after childbirth as well and how they can have ongoing issues? Or men’s impotence ?

But menopause in the workplace is at the stage being a parent in the workplace used to be. Mothers used to be advised when returning to work not to talk about their kids or any difficulties it caused at work, because you will be discriminated against. Women going through awful menopause symptoms try and hide them at work unless they are visibly obvious like hot flushes.

ihatehashtags In one comment you have shown how little you understand about the menopause.

I'd have thought this was mad before I worked for a large employer but having now done two years in a large firm it seems really sensible. We have a great health and wellbeing team who share emails and run seminars about a myriad of different things, from mental health to cancer awareness, women's health (including menopause!) and juggling the demands of an intense corporate job with e.g. elderly parents or young children. I think it's fantastic that employers are vocal about the health and wellbeing issues that affect their employees.

If you agree with the idea that employers should support the overall health and wellbeing of their employees, then the only reason that you feel it's inappropriate is because it's talking about vaginas. Which just feels a bit silly.

If you don't think that employers have a place supporting their employees then that's your lookout, but it's been consistently shown that it raises engagement and makes a workplace a better one to be in.

As an aside - we have a free counsellor provided on site two afternoons a week and I visited her for eight weeks about eighteen months ago after a cancer scare. OK, it was bugger all to do with my work, but the sessions helped me get things straight in my mind and meant I processed the situation much more quickly than if I didn't have the help. Net result - I was back up to full productivity far sooner than I'd otherwise have been. Good for the company, good for me.

OP, since you ask, and your policy is going to be implemented, I have no issue with the mention of vaginal dryness as it IS symptomatic for some people and is clearly a source of discomfort (I haven't experienced this during menopause thus far). However, I am quite happy to talk openly about these things as I am that way inclined. My reticence was whether there really needed to be a menopause policy. Judging by some of the wider and more detailed replies that have appeared since I posted, particulary Cubes sensible post, I can see why it could be useful.

I work in the civil service, we recently had similar emails sent out about the menopause, awareness raising training sessions etc, a peer support group was set up for women experiencing the menopause or who had, and I was fully in support of it.

In the public sector work raising the profile and understanding of different health conditions is the norm, as it helps foster an inclusive workplace and breaks down stigma and misinformation about the impact such issues can have on employees and colleagues.

No different to mental health policies which I'm sure most people will be in support of.

I'm surprised to read so many comments from people to indicate this type of work isn't done in other work places.

I'd rather my boss didn't think of my vaginal dryness were I to mention menopause to him. Some companies just try way too hard to be 'woke', it makes me cringe.

Exactly, they have completely embarrassed themselves.

We've had a menopause awareness session at work, it was advertised on the internal net but no symptoms were mentioned and attendance was voluntary.

Plus the fact, you know when you see an email like that it is just corporate bullshit box-ticking, like wellness days and all that crap. They won't actually do anything to properly tackle the toxic managerial culture. Email sent, raised awareness, so that's done.

I agree with Cubes.

I’m not making this up but a member of my team only yesterday told me that the menopause had contributed to making her feel more vulnerable to feeling old in the workplace. So yes menopause can have all kinds of impacts on women at work.

I am also not making this up and at the risk of my workplace sounding menopause obsessed (I do work in HR) when a senior manager referred to the impact the menopause had on her emotions a male colleague actually pulled a face at the very mention of the word (pretty sure she didn’t see luckily). I think as a young man it was something he didn’t want to think about, but perhaps he should.

The more awareness of menopause the better I say. Vaginal dryness is just one potential symptom. Mentioning it on a list doesn’t mean anyone should assume specific women have had that specific symptom, but it shows the range of issues women in workplaces can be dealing with.

If I opened that email at work I would cringe. I don’t think it’s yours or anyone else’s business what menopause symptoms I may or may not experience. If I have a health issue I am free to discuss it myself with the relevant people if it affects my job. I can just imagine younger colleagues and men shoving me into a bracket of “foggy-brained, dried-up, hormonal bag of bones” while I’m trying to get on with my career. It’s hard enough for women to be taken seriously in some workplaces - this just gives ammunition to the chauvinists who would rather we weren’t there.

If I did receive your email, if complain that it was a gross invasion of the privacy of women in your workplace. No reason whatsoever to be talking about vaginal dryness in a professional setting - unless you’re a sex worker I guess.

Oh yes, and the team member mentioned above said she would not necessarily have felt comfortable mentioning her menopause if he manager (me) had been a man. But I think perhaps she would if she could trust that all line managers would have awareness of this stage of a woman’s life.

I work in the civil service, we recently had similar emails sent out about the menopause, awareness raising training sessions etc, a peer support group was set up for women experiencing the menopause or who had, and I was fully in support of it

But its so pointedly directed at a specific group of employees. Awareness of mental health or hidden disabilities is one thing. It remains private and you don’t know by looking if the colleague sitting next to you has it. It remains their private business. Menopause is different because every woman experiences it and everyone immediately glances round and clocks which women (the 45-55s) are probably at that stage. It’s an abuse of privacy really.

I think vaginal dryness is relevant if you are constantly itchy and uncomfortable

But what benefit is there in your colleagues knowing about this? So they learn to avert their gaze when you give your fanny a scratch during meetings?????

Genuinely wondering why this specific piece of info needs to be shared.