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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is fine to talk about in a work email

467 replies

SandAndSeals · 30/04/2019 09:38

I’ve NC as this is potentially outing.

An awareness email went out to colleagues about the menopause. Is the email, it lists the symptoms inc. hot flushes, low mood etc and also ‘vaginal dryness and reduced sex drive’.

My colleague has put a complaint email in about it as they don’t think it’s appropriate to mention vaginal dryness is a workplace email. However I disagree. It’s a common symptom and should be listed in an awareness article. You would take out ‘difficulty holding an erection’ when discussing prostate cancer, for example.

The Health team send out other emails about out conditions and illnesses depending on what’s being asked for. I’m in the Women’s Network so I know that menopause info has been asked for.

What do you think? AIBU or is she?

OP posts:
RosaWaiting · 01/05/2019 23:25

"An awareness email went out to colleagues about the menopause"

I'm actually still laughing at this.

BEWARE - MENOPAUSE AHEAD!!

Having had the type of periods that kept me out of school as a teenager, I'm sure there will be all kinds of nightmares associated with it, but really, this workplace stuff is beyond parody.

Sofagirl · 01/05/2019 23:26

**The menopause is something that will effect more people in the workplace then any other issue.

You do mean women right?

Or do you mean people?

Vulpine · 01/05/2019 23:29

I'm not sure how the moistness of my vagina will ever impact on my job.

tanpestryfirescreen · 01/05/2019 23:33

The menopause is something that will effect more people in the workplace then any other issue.

Evidence?

Chickenlickenloo · 01/05/2019 23:34

I'm not quite sure what's going on here but will tiptoe away Shock

There was certainly no suggestion that the vagina's dryness or not would imp' minge' on the job - it was merely a health and wellbeing link on the menopause.

Vivianebrezilletbrooks · 02/05/2019 02:29

I have more issue with the 'reduced sex drive' bit...how is that even relevant in a work environment unless members of staff are always having flings with each other!?!?! The dryness part yes as it's something that could cause discomfort but why would 'reduced sex drive' be something management be need aware of?
Confused

BlackPrism · 02/05/2019 03:06

I think it's weird that your workplace sends out these emails at all tbh... people's health is their business and I wouldn't want a coworker seeing me get overheated and imagining my vaginal conditions.
We speak openly about these things at my work (a women's mag) so we all kind of know things like this... but the menopause isn't life threatening - it's not like they're warning signs for cancer or meningitis.

Women of a certain age know the signs and can handle their health privately I feel.

Aridane · 02/05/2019 05:44

The menopause is something that will effect more people in the workplace then any other issue.

I question that. I'd say being a parent would be higher. You are talking about things that affect your performance at work? Being up in the night with small babies meant I was getting far less sleep than any menopause symptom.

I agree!

Aridane · 02/05/2019 05:51

Based on these awareness emails, I simply wouldn’t want to employ women or be one - you know, with their flooding periods that damage the office furniture and cause them to cry, all that time off with having babies (and then they come back with baby brain and wanting to leave early or take yet more time off£. And, well, as for the menopause - who would want to employ or be a menopausal woman with psychotic mood swings, a split vulva and violently visible hot flushes?

There is a real risk these campaigns just backfire and ‘other’ women.

Employers - please comply with your legal obligations not to discriminate- whether on grounds of sec, pregnancy etc. And make for an inclusive environment.

Put please let me manage my own health problems in private. If they’re going to impact my work, I’ Let you know!

PanBasher · 02/05/2019 06:14

You can get treatment from your G.P for dry quims. There is absolutely no reason to suffer discomfort @gnushoes.

stressedoutpa · 02/05/2019 06:39

How odd.

I've worked in lots of male dominated commercial environments, and I know for a fact, there would be a lot of secret sniggering going on.

Personally, I think the lines between work and home are becoming far too blurred. There is a plethora of information online that is easily accessible via the Internet if you need it. I don't need my workplace reminding me that Brenda in Accounts might have vaginal dryness or Bryan in the Post Room might have erectile dysfunction thanks very much.

higgyhog · 02/05/2019 08:47

Thank you Aridane, exactly what I think. I took the choice to go on HRT initially because I Could not stand straying my way through my management job, especially when interviewing or giving presentations. I have come across men really taking the Mickey about this subject and I certainly did all I could to get through this very difficult time without broadcasting it.

gnushoes · 02/05/2019 09:01

@panbasher I am on local and full HRT for it (and having a blip today which means I am in real pain). My point is that all the younger women on here and a fair few of the older think it's "a dry quim' where that's the least of your worries in this situation. It's now called Genitourinary Syndrome of Menopause and affects bladder, urethra and vulva as well as vagina. Lots of GPs still don't get it and think it's about a dry quim too.
And yes, it's relevant at work. I work part time in an office and have to have a chair unlike everybody else's padded posh things, because I simply can't sit on those for more than about 10 minutes even with all the drugs I'm on. My immediate boss knows the problem. Everyone else thinks I've got a bad back.
It's more than dryness and for some women is life-changing and not in a good way.
Rant over.

RosaWaiting · 02/05/2019 10:10

Ariadne - exactly.

Discrimination against women of childbearing age - hmm, let's go for 16-50. Now if this is turning into an issue it's - oh wait, just don't promote women. Still got to employ us for the diversity tick box....

Tessabelle74 · 02/05/2019 10:36

To all those saying there's no need to mention the vaginal dryness, do you think they should also have missed out erectile dysfunction from the prostate cancer email too in case it potentially embarrssed anyone? If it was a list of possible symptoms, then yes, of course it should be listed! I'm pretty sure the boss isn't going to ask you to complete a check list ticking off which symptoms you ACTUALLY have, it's just to allow more understanding if women need time off due to struggling with the menopause

Whoops75 · 02/05/2019 10:44

It’s not fine
It’s overstepping

Smear test info -yes
Vag related moisture etc - No

Disfordarkchocolate · 02/05/2019 10:53

One of the reasons older women don't go for cervical screening tests is because vaginal dryness and atrophy makes it painfully @Whoops75. Some women have no idea why.

MargoLovebutter · 02/05/2019 11:06

400 posts on, I am still not sure what the point of "awareness" emails or ebullitins in the workplace is.

I agree that employers need policies in place to support and protect their employees and ensure they are fully compliant with the law.

However, I think that there is a real danger with "awareness" distribution, as it can come from anywhere, be too superficial, factually inaccurate, supporting a certain bias or perspective, self-serving and so on.

I suspect that in many cases "awareness" campaigns simply allow HR to report that they have done a "good thing" and tick various reporting boxes. We have tedious monthly ebullitins that come through our HR department from a healthcare provider and they are about random health related subjects. One sheet of A4 with some very basic information about mental health, back pain, healthy eating, stress, heart health, keeping active and so on.

Some of them quote research that has clearly been sponsored by a large manufacturer of "health" products, which makes me even more suspicious of exactly whose benefit they are for.

However, the key point is that they have no workplace guidance at all, as to whether or not I need to take any action on behalf of my team or whether or not I should expect my own boss to be doing something for me.

claragolightly · 02/05/2019 11:17

I don't think it is unreasonable. For many people - male and female - this will be the only education they receive on the matter.

DarlingNikita · 02/05/2019 13:41

There is a real risk these campaigns just backfire and ‘other’ women.

In the OP's case, though, at least, there have been campaigns about men's issues like prostate cancer, as well as not-so-gendered things like mental health. So they're either 'othering' lots of groups, or they're raising awareness and hopefully encouraging better understanding of lots of conditions.

VanGoghsDog · 02/05/2019 13:49

I am still not sure what the point of "awareness" emails or ebullitins in the workplace is.

To make people aware.

It's not about people being aware in the workplace specifically, it's about raising awareness generally. Being a decent employer, having your staff's wellbeing at heart, it's just a channel through which some information can come. We get very little of this from the NHS so why shouldn't employers do what they can if they have resources?

Maraki12 · 02/05/2019 13:51

This reply has been deleted

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RosaWaiting · 02/05/2019 13:59

"Being a decent employer, having your staff's wellbeing at heart,"

TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 02/05/2019 14:13

I’m not sure having your staff’s well-being at heart, and assuming they’re all halfwitted simpletons who have to be spoon fed basic information on matters of the employer’s choosing because they can’t google anything for themselves, are remotely the same thing.

MargoLovebutter · 02/05/2019 14:28

I actually think it is totally unreasonable to expect an employer to have their staff's well being at heart. Fuck me, that is a tall order.

Employers do have a duty of care to the people who work for them, but I'm not sure that needs to extend to having their well being at heart. At the end of the day it is a contractual arrangement. Employees have agreed to undertake specific tasks for which they are remunerated. Employees should expect to do those tasks in a safe environment, free from prejudice, discrimination, harassment and illegal behaviour, where they are treated with respect and they are supported to do their job.