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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is fine to talk about in a work email

467 replies

SandAndSeals · 30/04/2019 09:38

I’ve NC as this is potentially outing.

An awareness email went out to colleagues about the menopause. Is the email, it lists the symptoms inc. hot flushes, low mood etc and also ‘vaginal dryness and reduced sex drive’.

My colleague has put a complaint email in about it as they don’t think it’s appropriate to mention vaginal dryness is a workplace email. However I disagree. It’s a common symptom and should be listed in an awareness article. You would take out ‘difficulty holding an erection’ when discussing prostate cancer, for example.

The Health team send out other emails about out conditions and illnesses depending on what’s being asked for. I’m in the Women’s Network so I know that menopause info has been asked for.

What do you think? AIBU or is she?

OP posts:
Weirdwonders · 01/05/2019 21:22

Neither you or your colleague are being unreasonable. However I agree with your colleague. If I was going through menopause I don’t see why my male boss and male colleagues need to be ‘made aware’ of the possibility of my vagina being dry or thinking about whether my sex drive is reduced, because those symptoms aren’t relevant to the workplace or my performance and could cause embarrassment. So your colleague is within her rights to complain and you should respect that.

Pawsandnoses · 01/05/2019 21:23

Menopause policies are becoming more popular because it is a subject many managers, both Male and female, don't understand. It also poses a huge risk for both sex and age discrimination in the workplace. I don't really understand what the difference sending a link to an article is, compared to just sending the information in an email. Vaginal dryness would still be listed. Nobody is specifically sending an email to declare to the organisation that 'Mabel in payroll has vaginal dryness'.

Tunnockswafer · 01/05/2019 21:26

Yummum sounds a bit more clued up on the definition of disability than you, Thegreyhoundspeaks.

yummumto3girls · 01/05/2019 21:31

Thegreyhound1 - hopefully the above link clarifies your ignorance. Yes it is perfectly possible that women do not associate a whole array of symptoms as peri menopause or the menopause. This is about education of men and women.

AdamAntsCrackpotHistory · 01/05/2019 21:33

We've had the same sort of awareness sessions and mails at my work. It is important to make people aware, especially as symptoms can lead to other things like stress and the exacerbation of mental health conditions. We also do men's health awareness but I've yet to see anything about periods!!

Nearly47 · 01/05/2019 21:39

yummumto3girls, interesting link. I know someone who had quite debilitating depression linked to their menopause. I've been only finding out about these things now that I started experiencing peri menopausal symptoms. Even my GP seems a bit vague and was only treating the symptoms and not giving much information about the possibility of this being a peri menopausal symptom until I asked

Mother87 · 01/05/2019 21:42

Sounds hideous and unecessarily intimate to meBlush

RosaWaiting · 01/05/2019 21:47

PBobs "so many double standards these days. As I say to my students - if you can't talk about sex and all the bits and bobs that go with it you shouldn't be doing it. So much prudishness."

sorry if I am being thick, but are you saying that people who aren't prepared to chat about sex shouldn't be having sex?! I really hope not.

posters mentioning periods and flooding - that's a problem for women of all ages and again, something I might have to mention to manager or HR but no need to start another bloody - yes really - awareness campaign about it.

pp mentioned that their work has cancer awareness posters etc. There was a thread about TV ads as well the other day. am not sure what the consensus was but the friends I have who have or have had cancer are really pissed off and upset about the constant ads. I see about 5 on my commute to work.

I wish workplaces would stick to being workplaces. Sounds like mine is quite good in that we don't have "cancer awareness" posters. I can imagine what that's like when you walk in after chemo or bereavement leave.

JFC, workplaces get madder by the minute.

Aridane · 01/05/2019 21:48

< Silently applauds BackfirGood from the sidelines >

GuidoTheKillerPimp · 01/05/2019 22:01

Absolutely ridiculous to have a menopause policy. Unless you have one for every other condition as well -which would be even more stupid-. Do you have a cancer policy? Anxiety and depression policy? Fertility policy? If not, why does the menopause get one?

Because 51% of the population will inevitably go through the menopause. And the hot flushes, sleepless nights, pea-sized bladder and memory loss do impact on work.

Jellicoe · 01/05/2019 22:01

To open another bag of tricks - surely this is ageism?? Imagine how would an older woman feel in the work place, especially if there were not alot of menopausal ladies in the said work place. This opens them up to sub conscious nudge and wink surely?? I think this is really unnecessary and mis-use of work emails. I would be cross to get one amongst the load of work emails that come in on any given day!

Jellicoe · 01/05/2019 22:02

As a woman I dont want an email about prostate or erectile dysfunction health awareness instructions let's just say

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 01/05/2019 22:08

My first response was that there is absolutely no need for co-workers to know anything about their menopausal colleagues' sex drive or vaginal lubrication. None.

But then I thought - well some of the men will be married to women heading into menopause, so it might be useful for them to know that in relation to their own wives.

So it depends really on whether this is a general public health information thing, or whether it's a specific work-related health awareness thing.

Other menopausal symptoms that can and do affect women in the workplace, sure - I can see why raising awareness would be a good thing, if it promotes understanding and compassionate treatment - but the sex-related stuff, not so relevant (again, except for men with menopausal wives)

Sofagirl · 01/05/2019 22:10

I look forward to emails about impotence, erectile dysfunction and prostrate problems!

stucknoue · 01/05/2019 22:14

It's an important issue but whether that specific symptom is relevant to a work based context (after from the oldest profession!) I query. Perhaps sticking to the medical symptoms that have relevance in the workplace would encourage it to be taken seriously too, I suspect it caused sniggering rather than sympathy from some males!

Original poster
SandAndSeals · 01/05/2019 22:18

I’m not going to post the whole email word for word for obvious reasons, but the menopause came up as one article in a list of about 6 topics. The focus was MH (what with MH Awareness week coming up), but also included other well-being things.

The menopause article didn’t ask for colleagues to do anything, it was an awareness piece. Of the top of my head it said something like - 50% of the workforce is made up of women, what the menopause is, what it means to be peri menopausal and some of the common symptoms (in list format - vaginal dryness not underlined and in bold). Something about how woman’s experience will be different. And then something about some future guidance will be released in coming months.

OP posts:
yummumto3girls · 01/05/2019 22:18

I do agree it is a sensitive subject and the e-mail OP refers to sounds insensitive, a link to the relevant pages on an employers intranet or directing people to sources of advice and support would be more appropriate. I have diabetes and under active thyroid and have always put my symptoms down to these, awareness of the menopause has made me rethink some of my symptoms! I work for emergency services and police, fire and ambulance have joined up to run a series of “menopause conferences”. To start with I was unsure whether it was overkill but listening to some high ranking women and their experiences was enlightening (and hilarious at times) and I fully support the awareness raising that is taking place.

Original poster
SandAndSeals · 01/05/2019 22:24

I look forward to emails about impotence, erectile dysfunction and prostrate problems!

I had already mentioned that November is focused on prostate cancer usually and includes information about erectile problems, but that’s just reminded me of something else.

We had a problem recently with someone (no idea who) putting up posters in the toilets about prostate cancer. It’s fine to a degree (ignoring that we have a ‘no tape or blue tac on walls’ rule) but it wasn’t an official website, more of a ‘Bob and Sally from accountants’ amateur website. The funny thing was that there were posters popping up in the women’s toilets talking about men’s health with the heading ‘how’s your man’ and listing symptoms to look out for (have you notice erectile problems in your man, etc). Funnily enough, no one complained (I work in HR if this hadn’t been guessed yet btw).

OP posts:
TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 01/05/2019 22:25

Further guidance will be released in coming months 🤨. It’s all on Google, for anyone who’s interested... How infantilising is that?

Original poster
SandAndSeals · 01/05/2019 22:26

As mentioned, it’s referencing the policy. We work in a place we’re you can’t say a policy exists until it’s been signed off my many, many stakeholders

OP posts:
Original poster
SandAndSeals · 01/05/2019 22:28

And I am trying to remember an email from two days ago off the top of my head. I’m not sure I have the wording right - but most policy documents will have guidance too in our sector

OP posts:
Redwalk · 01/05/2019 22:28

It is not appropriate in a work environment period (pardon the pun!)

Sofagirl · 01/05/2019 22:33

So where is this going to stop

Cancer?
Bowel issues?
IBS
STIs?

hilbobaggins · 01/05/2019 22:35

This is virtue-signalling. That’s it.