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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stitch came out now I feel ruined

60 replies

b0bb1n · 29/04/2019 06:09

Cross-post due to traffic here...

Have to be brief cos got restless newb on me. Gave birth 2nd April, needed I believe 3 stitches. Baby needed to stay in 3 days as Cleft Lip n palate and I became unwell due to birth n had catheter very very weak etc so spent lot of time on bed having to carefully slide bum across bed to get/put down baby. Was worried how would affect stitches.

Realised few days later top stitch nearest v opening had come loose, now completely out. Seems to have healed fine BUT now am left with a much larger opening ! I can see the opening!

Have been rly feeling upset about it cos I so want to have sex with husband again I miss that intimacy but now I don't want to because of this. Dreading it. It won't feel good for him with an opening like that!

Pls what can I do? I'm so gutted. I did tell the mws about the stitch coming loose n out but they just said it will heal it's fine (it did heal) but now I am left with a giant opening!!! sad seriously has anyone else had this happen? And can I get it fixed?

Today 05:39 b0bb1n

I should prob clarify that when I say it's healed I mean it isn't sore or bleeding any more but due to the stitch coming out and larger opening it seems the two sides that stitch was meant to pull together healed separately. I really can't imagine ever letting my husband see me there again let alone doing it. I want to ramp up my pelvic floor exercises but now I keep thinking that's all well n good but with an opening I can fully see it will never feel the same.

should prob clarify that when I say it's healed I mean it isn't sore or bleeding any more but due to the stitch coming out and larger opening it seems the two sides that stitch was meant to pull together healed separately. I really can't imagine ever letting my husband see me there again let alone doing it. I want to ramp up my pelvic floor exercises but now I keep thinking that's all well n good but with an opening I can fully see it will never feel the same.

OP posts:
Original poster
b0bb1n · 29/04/2019 06:11

Wow I made a mess of that copy n paste

OP posts:
Confusednewmum1 · 29/04/2019 06:17

Apparently the top stitch is left loose so it flexes. I had my other half check me at 5 days and he was like OMG stitches hanging out. Midwife was round same day and she said normal. But yeah vagina doesn’t look the same at opening now at all completely different as you describe.

Original poster
b0bb1n · 29/04/2019 06:29

Thanks for your reply Confused. I didn't know they deliberately leave the top stitch loose. At least I know why it broke so easily. Don't have to answer as I know it's a personal subject (I will prob regret my thread when I'm not sleep deprived lol) but have you found it being like that has had a detrimental effect?

OP posts:
hopeishere · 29/04/2019 06:32

I'd not worry too much about the stitches unless it's sore / infected. If you feel ready to try having sex then go ahead. The "opening" might look different but it should be ok inside.

ButDoYouAvocado · 29/04/2019 06:34

Mine was exactly as you describe, I was devastated - without good reason as it turned out - it's fine.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/04/2019 06:34

You aren’t the same. You have had a baby. That’s something your body went through and has changed as a result. If your husband is grossed out by the differences - which I can’t for a second imagine he will - your relationship doesn’t mean very much. You will be given a check at 6 weeks post stitches (I imagine, can’t remember when I had my stitches). Give yourself time. If you are concerned get a gp appointment.

Original poster
b0bb1n · 29/04/2019 06:40

Thank you fir your replies :) And Avocado I could literally cry with relief at your comment - thank you :)

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 29/04/2019 06:44

It's not really about the opening, it's about inside, which I'm sure will be fine, please don't worry.

Minai · 29/04/2019 06:46

I don’t think it will be the stitches. I had lots of stitches first time and all healed fine. The opening looked a lot wider but that wasn’t due to the stitches, it was because a baby has come out of there! I’ve since had another baby and I while it will never go back to what it was before it didn’t stay that open and wide. Pelvic floor exercises probably helped. My husband says it does feel a bit different but not in a bad way.

FixTheBone · 29/04/2019 06:46

From a male perspective (and a medical one). I think it's unlikely that a single stitch has made a significant difference to your vagina, much more likely to be due to the stretching.

I can confirm that my wife felt 'different' after each of our 7 children, not worse, just different.

Icedlatte · 29/04/2019 06:50

Every woman's vulva looks different after birth, you've shoved a melon through it!
I think every woman gets a shock when they first take a look, and I suspect that the way yours looks may be less to do with the stitch than just general childbirth.

After I had ds I ended up having physio for some issues down there, and I learned that the vagina has muscles all the way up, so can squeeze at lots of different points. That's what your husband will feel

MidsomerBurgers · 29/04/2019 07:21

The stitch they have most likely used is supposed to dissolve after a couple of weeks. It's not meant to stay there forever. Chances are everything is still a bit bruised and swollen and will settle down. Not to exactly as it was before, but a new different.

Have you spoken to your GP about it?

Connieston · 29/04/2019 07:24

Just remember the vagina isn't just a hole it's a tube of muscle and that it's designed to open for a baby and then contracts back. Do your pelvic floor exercises and all being well there's no reason it would feel differently for sex.

Ncforever12345 · 29/04/2019 07:33

Just to warn you that apparently you're not meant to have sex until your lochia is finished OP... I mention this only because no-one told me Blush

Stormei · 29/04/2019 07:36

I could have written this, honestly it all settled down. I actually prefer post birth sex as it’s more comfortable in different positions and internally is just the same.

Quartz2208 · 29/04/2019 07:42

Remember it’s an external change (and yes childbirth does change it) not an internal one

Whatsforu · 29/04/2019 07:46

Well I had my first dc many years ago,(teen) and I like you was horrified at the remodelling as it were!!! However I can assure you it makes no odds sex wise infact it was so much more comfortable after,(obviously quite a while after). Try not to worry you will come to realise its not an issue.

AmphetamineGazelle · 29/04/2019 07:50

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Stormei · 29/04/2019 07:54

@AmphetamineGazelle or..: maybe that’s all adding to a high general level of anxiety and stress for a new mother? I know Aibu is plain talking, but you’re just trolling aren’t you-for unkind things to say

MonteStory · 29/04/2019 07:56

Oh that’s a helpful thing to say to a new mum. Hmm

Women are allowed to care about themselves. It doesn’t stop them caring about others.

legolimb · 29/04/2019 07:58

It's early days OP.

Just wait and give everything time to heal.

CaffeineBomb · 29/04/2019 08:00

@AmphetamineGazelle yes, I'm sure the op is incredibly upset and would much rather her baby didn't have to face that, but she's allowed to worry/be upset about other things too.

To imply she doesn't care about what her baby faces because she is worried about physical changes after childbirth is just unnecessary and adding to the stress of a new mum.

Nottheduchess · 29/04/2019 08:12

Trust me, once a baby has squeezed through there, your vag will never be the same as it was before.

Candymay · 29/04/2019 08:12

This post reminds me of how awful I felt when this happened to me! I had forgotten. I was still in the hospital and noticed the stitches had come out. I was crying and showed the (horrible) midwife. She just said it’s not important, superficial. Fortunately it is only a superficial thing but when you’ve just given birth you’re so fragile. I know how you feel. I’ve been there. It all turns out perfectly well in the end! I had no one to tell me that and I wish I had so please take comfort.

AmphetamineGazelle · 29/04/2019 08:14

I have a cleft. My mother is still always thinking about herself too. I will stop 'trolling' now.