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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Stitch came out now I feel ruined

60 replies

b0bb1n · 29/04/2019 06:09

Cross-post due to traffic here...

Have to be brief cos got restless newb on me. Gave birth 2nd April, needed I believe 3 stitches. Baby needed to stay in 3 days as Cleft Lip n palate and I became unwell due to birth n had catheter very very weak etc so spent lot of time on bed having to carefully slide bum across bed to get/put down baby. Was worried how would affect stitches.

Realised few days later top stitch nearest v opening had come loose, now completely out. Seems to have healed fine BUT now am left with a much larger opening ! I can see the opening!

Have been rly feeling upset about it cos I so want to have sex with husband again I miss that intimacy but now I don't want to because of this. Dreading it. It won't feel good for him with an opening like that!

Pls what can I do? I'm so gutted. I did tell the mws about the stitch coming loose n out but they just said it will heal it's fine (it did heal) but now I am left with a giant opening!!! sad seriously has anyone else had this happen? And can I get it fixed?

Today 05:39 b0bb1n

I should prob clarify that when I say it's healed I mean it isn't sore or bleeding any more but due to the stitch coming out and larger opening it seems the two sides that stitch was meant to pull together healed separately. I really can't imagine ever letting my husband see me there again let alone doing it. I want to ramp up my pelvic floor exercises but now I keep thinking that's all well n good but with an opening I can fully see it will never feel the same.

should prob clarify that when I say it's healed I mean it isn't sore or bleeding any more but due to the stitch coming out and larger opening it seems the two sides that stitch was meant to pull together healed separately. I really can't imagine ever letting my husband see me there again let alone doing it. I want to ramp up my pelvic floor exercises but now I keep thinking that's all well n good but with an opening I can fully see it will never feel the same.

OP posts:

PBobs · 29/04/2019 08:17

God. I can't even imagine my DH giving a shit about the shape of my undercarriage - pre or post baby. What a terrible thing to have to worry about. Does he often comment on parts of your anatomy? Just wondering why you think this would be so traumatic for him? I mean. It's not really about him surely!?!?!

NewMum19344567 · 29/04/2019 08:24

Had stitches and a year on vagina still looks totally different but sex is fine :)

madcatladyforever · 29/04/2019 08:29

Mine was like that too OP but hasn't affected my sex life ato all. You are always going to be a bit larger after birth stitches or no. I didn't find it a problem. Hope your baby gets better soon xxxxxx

Grumpos · 29/04/2019 08:30

My god don’t look, touch or investigate that area so soon!!!
Unless you can feel any soreness (more than to be expected) or itchiness you just just keep clean and leave be.
Mine looked like it had been savaged by a rabid dog for a couple of weeks but now it’s pretty much exactly as it was, it will take time to recover!

JessieMcJessie · 29/04/2019 08:30

Please think about seeing a counsellor. You clearly have had a tough time and this focus and high level of anxiety about such a minor issue is worrying. Do you fear your husband will leave you if your body is not perfect?

Mishappening · 29/04/2019 08:34

You can't push a large grapefruit through a small (albeit stretchy) opening without something changing a bit. It is all part of the bodily wear and tear of life - embrace it - and cuddle that lovely baby! Plenty more wear and tear to come with no lovely baby at the end of it!

Take care; try not to worry and enjoy your new baby.

Peachesandcream14 · 29/04/2019 08:37

Mine doesn't look exactly the same as it did before, especially the 'opening' as you refer to it, and I didn't have any tearing or stitches. My pelvic floor was still absolutely fine and that is what matters for both continence and sensation. Don't worry too much OP

herethereandeverywhere · 29/04/2019 08:53

One stitch? It won't be that bad.

My entire episiotomy reopened, every stitch (about the length of your thumb) and they don't/wouldn't restitch, they just let scar tissue form across the gap. That was 2 months of horrific pain and well over a year before I could let me husband near me again, honestly one stitch is quite minor, particularly if you're focusing on what it looks like rather than how it feels.

I'm afraid childbirth does mangle your vagina but it will still be serviceable, just look different. And the 'opening' won't have totally shrunk back into shape yet anyway.

rupple · 29/04/2019 09:02

My stitches were far too tight. I think a bit loose is preferable OP.

Member984815 · 29/04/2019 09:22

It's early days yet , give yourself a chance to heal and if you are worried see your GP to set your mind at ease . I gaurantee you will feel so much better after more healing

Trebla · 29/04/2019 09:28

I've never had stitches but had 3 (so on to be 4) vaginal births. It never looks the same again!!. On another note DS3 was born with a cleft palate which was only spotted on day 3 so I exclusively pumped for 6 months. This was far more stressful than a gappy fanny. Sounds like you have a lot going on. Happy to stay in touch about cleft babies if that helps. Pretty sure your vag is fine and will function perfectly well. And high 5 to you considering shagging again 3 weeks after pushing out a baby.

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 29/04/2019 09:34

Mine looked liked that too and I was so scared. Although it never went back to exactly the same ‘hey I pushed a watermelon out after all’ it did close up further over time. Don’t worry you are normal like the rest of us!

higgyhog · 29/04/2019 09:48

My memory from the distant past is that the first time, when I had loads of stitches, it took several months before I felt or looked the same, the second time, no stitches, easy birth, maybe 3 months. Waited until post natal check both times to resume sex, my mother told me stories about peope she knew in her youth who had turned up for their post natal check pregnant again, which I suspect does limit your changes of resuming normality quickly.

Chippychipsforme · 29/04/2019 09:55

I think my labia was still flapping about in the wind a month after having my baby.

Probably worth checking with your midwife or GP though.

Pepperwand · 29/04/2019 09:58

I had an episiotomy and had to have some excess scar tissue removed that was forming at my postnatal check. I also had pelvic floor physio as I was regularly wetting myself, not a pleasant time. Resumed having sex after I was signed off by the doctor at six weeks and honestly it did feel quite different....I was very down about it. However, everything did go back to normal and doing pelvic floor exercises really helped. It will take some time, your body has been through a lot.... I'd honestly say it took me 9 or so months before I felt totally normal again but things did get better. It took 9 months to grow your baby, please be kind to yourself and allow yourself the proper time to heal. Lots of women have been exactly where you are and are all fine in the end. Try not to worry too much and just enjoy your baby.

crimsonlake · 29/04/2019 10:03

It is over 20 years since I gave birth and yes it feels different after you have pushed a baby out, however it would not have entered my head back then to take a look. Since I had probably never looked down there pre baby I had nothing to compare it to. My advice is do not look, concentrate on improving your muscles in there and enjoy your new baby. I think you are very brave to even be considering sex so soon but we are all different.

farmergilesnomore · 29/04/2019 10:04

I have no idea if my vagina looks any different post birth as I've never checked (is that a thing?) but definitely sensation wise it took time to adjust. OP your baby isn't even a month yet, give it time to heal and if you're still worried see the GP in a few weeks time.

Congrats by the way and all the best for the little one's surgery

Original poster

b0bb1n · 29/04/2019 10:15

Honestly cannot thank you lovely people enough for your comments you don't know how much it has put my mind at ease and put things in perspective. Since giving birth I have felt like I am going insane with anxiety every day and night. Lots of little pointless things, but pretty much constantly worrying about my darling baby to the point of worrying myself about him more than being able to enjoy him. I don't know if it's hormones or sleep deprivation or what. I always used to be such an optimistic person who could always look past the bad and see something good. Not any more. I guess this thread is just another symptom of my post baby craziness. Thank you all again for for your honest and kind words.

OP posts:

NorthernBirdAtHeart · 29/04/2019 10:29

Oh I was just like you OP and as previous posters have said, there is nothing to worry about! Your hormones and emotions are all over the place. Be kind and gentle to yourself, your body has just done THE most amazing thing, but you need time to fully heal. Remember, you can be intimate without full intercourse

Congratulations on your beautiful baby boy

JessieMcJessie · 29/04/2019 10:33

Is your husband being supportive about your anxiety?

MemoryConcerns · 29/04/2019 10:37

Yeah. A vagina rarely looks the same after having kids.

I don't have a neat round opening anymore. It's tore a few times and is just sort of open now.

Meh.

Ihatehashtags · 29/04/2019 10:44

Go to the GP and get checked. My stitches dissolved too fast and were gaping open on the outside which was incredibly painful but they were intact on the inside. It took me a lot longer to gel. At least 3 months to feel semi normal.

gnushoes · 29/04/2019 10:48

Another one here saying don't look - it'll be fine once you're ready for sex when the bleeding has stopped. Please keep an eye on your anxiety though - it may be new baby hormones at the moment but you need to make sure you take care of yourself and rest and make sure your concerns don't tip into something deeper.

goldenchicken · 29/04/2019 10:51

goldenchicken · 29/04/2019 10:52

@b0bb1n

Can't add much as I have never had a vaginal delivery (had C-section.) But I do wish you well, and I am sure it will be OK, especially as some of the posters have said they went through it, and they were OK.

I hope you will heal soon and be OK, and I hope your little one is OK. How did the cleft palate procedure go? Is your baby OK?

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