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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you mutually agreed to get married did you have an engagement ring

93 replies

MafaldaGregorovitch · 27/04/2019 16:54

And if so what does it mean to you? Also when did you announce your decision to get married?

We've made a joint decision to get married. No proposal, just a mutual discussion. Part of me wanted an engagement ring but in the end we decided against it, mostly as we're on a low budget due to a recent change of circumstances.

Just wondering what others have done and how you feel about it? Also wondering when to start telling the people we'd like to invite

OP posts:
TwoBlueFish · 28/04/2019 13:02

No ring here, we’d been together a long time had a small wedding and a lovely honeymoon. I don’t wear lots of jewellery so not a big deal, DH’s wedding ring cost £4.99 from Argos, he wont wear jewellery so just needed something for the day!

ILikeyourHairyHands · 28/04/2019 13:21

Nope! I don't hold with the concept of 'engagement' either. DH and I have a marriage of equals, I'm no man's chattel!

Latenightthinking22 · 28/04/2019 13:26

We mutually agreed to start saving for a (relatively cheap) engagement ring about 8 months before our anniversary. We then went shopping for the engagement ring about 6-8weeks before our anniversary. DH went back by himself a few weeks later and paid the rest / collected the ring. And then on our anniversary we officially got engaged.

We told family and friends about our plans about 6 months before our anniversary. So no big announcement. Just dropped in to conversation from time to time. Wasn't fussed about when you are deemed to be officially engaged. We didn't care. We knew we intended to get married, just gave ourselves a nice deadline of our anniversary to have the ring by.

And we had the wedding date picked out before the anniversary as well. Again no big announcement. Kind of just told everyone "oh we're gonna get engaged on our anniversary and will be getting married on xxx date". And just stuck to the plan Grin no wedding ring yet though. After the engagement , the next "plan" was to save enough money for the marriage cert by the wedding day Grin which we did! But then we just never got round to buying rings. Maybe one day. Not too fussed at the moment though. Just happy to be legally married. Smile

TheBulb · 28/04/2019 13:31

What HairyHands said. We agreed to get married, gave notice, took the first cancellation available at the registry office, and went with two friends as witnesses. No engagement or wedding ring. No announcements. It’s possible some people actually don’t know we got married.

longearedbat · 28/04/2019 13:34

I used my (deceased) mother's engagement ring. Seemed silly to go to the expense of buying one, and I'm not a great ring wearer either. We told no one we were getting married, just our two witnesses. But then, we didn't want a 'wedding', just a quick in and out at the registry office and that was it.

User12879923378 · 28/04/2019 13:40

No engagement ring. I have a few rings that I was left and have never worn so I couldn't see the point of getting something else I wouldn't wear. If I wanted to pair something with my wedding ring though (titanium, very pretty, wears well but contrary to urban legend can be cut off by the hospital if necessary!) I would choose one of the ones I already have.

Rosielee93 · 28/04/2019 13:44

We are not engaged yet but he said hes proposing sometimes this year after hes saved up. I plan on getting him a ring for Christmas after we engaged. But that's just us. Do whatever you feel happy with. An engagement kitchen sounds amazing! Or a holiday would be lush.

MeredithGrey1 · 28/04/2019 13:47

I didn’t have an engagement ring, but I did choose a wedding ring with diamonds, whereas if I’d had an engagement ring I’d probably have had a plain wedding band.

BarbedBloom · 28/04/2019 13:48

We did and I got a ring, but wanted an opal so only paid 100. It came out of the joint account so we both paid really

Bluesmartiesarebest · 28/04/2019 13:55

My engagement ring was closer to the cost of a kettle than a whole kitchen! Grin

SenecaFalls · 28/04/2019 14:05

I find this notion of by mutual agreement contrasting with proposal an odd notion, consent to marry being the core legal requirement of the marriage ceremony.

RedSheep73 · 28/04/2019 14:06

Depends if you want one! We went and chose mine together, I don't think that is unusual? but if you're not bothered, save your money!

TSSDNCOP · 28/04/2019 14:07

Mutual decision. Vair nice engagement ring purchased together, chosen by me. Announcement made by flashing ring around.

PetrichorRain · 28/04/2019 14:10

We did, but we weren’t on a low budget. And I’m very keen on jewellery so I chose it myself.

RelaisBlu · 28/04/2019 14:17

Yes it was a mutual decision and I did have an engagement ring.

We chose it together and I was (and still am) completely thrilled with it.

No announcement as such - I told my family on the phone (we were living overseas in DH's country) and the news got out at work when someone suddenly grabbed my hand and said "What is THAT?!"
We were married about 6 months later

Hotterthanahotthing · 28/04/2019 14:17

I proposed on Feb 29,we went out and bought a wedding ring and an engagement lawnmower and got married in June.
My now ex is not abig one for spending unnecessary money but did say I could have an engagement ring.
We didn't tell people until after the event and just Hadjis parents and my mum and step father there,we didn't tell them until after breakfast.

RelaisBlu · 28/04/2019 14:22

Hotterthanahotthing I'm loving the engagement lawnmower Grin

RubyWho · 28/04/2019 14:25

First time, yes. Second time, no.

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