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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you mutually agreed to get married did you have an engagement ring

93 replies

MafaldaGregorovitch · 27/04/2019 16:54

And if so what does it mean to you? Also when did you announce your decision to get married?

We've made a joint decision to get married. No proposal, just a mutual discussion. Part of me wanted an engagement ring but in the end we decided against it, mostly as we're on a low budget due to a recent change of circumstances.

Just wondering what others have done and how you feel about it? Also wondering when to start telling the people we'd like to invite

OP posts:
goldenchicken · 27/04/2019 20:00

Are people really having engagement rings that are the same price as a KITCHEN? Confused

WTF?

Yes I had an engagement ring, and I still have it (obvs) and it didn't cost anywhere NEAR the price of a new kitchen!

How bizarre!

Paddingtonthebear · 27/04/2019 20:01

No engagement ring we just decided, booked the date, asked the two people we wanted to be out witnesses and then we married (registry office). Everyone else found out afterwards

Fruityfruitcake · 27/04/2019 20:04

We knew we wanted to get married at some point. My DH surprised me by proposing on holiday with a beautiful ring.

Ragwort · 27/04/2019 20:05

Mutually agreed & then picked the ring together, still wearing it 30 years later although lost the diamond twice Blush. We told people we were getting married in general conversation (no big announcement or party) & then had a very small wedding with half a dozen guests. We were in the process of each selling our own homes & buying a new one together so as soon as that was done we set the date for a few weeks later.

Ragwort · 27/04/2019 20:06

And agree re kitchen, ring cost about the same as one kitchen cabinet Grin.

C0untDucku1a · 27/04/2019 20:07

I also have diamond eternity ring as a wedding ring.

Inliverpool1 · 27/04/2019 20:07

@Ragwort mine was half a house at the time

dairymilkmonster · 27/04/2019 20:08

Agreed together and chose a ring together later on.

Shazafied · 27/04/2019 20:12

I had a ring but because it was left to me by my grandmother , so I had it anyway, and wanted to use it so simply started wearing it.

Celebelly · 27/04/2019 20:13

I did but only cos DP had bought one and was planning to propose before we just decided to get married anyway! I don't think we would have got one otherwise.

Canuckduck · 27/04/2019 20:18

Mutually agreed and choose my own ring. It’s beautiful but has no diamonds and did not cost a huge amount

Welliesandpyjamas · 27/04/2019 20:20

I didn’t want an engagement ring. We had decided to get married, very small scale and low cost, and didn’t see the need to wait several months or years wearing a ring that had the same value as stuff that was more practical!
He has bought me 3 very lovely and pretty diamond rings over the years though, one with his first ever ‘proper’ salary from a ‘proper’ grown up job, one after having our ds2 and the scary life threatening events that came with it, and another after we had had our dd and settled in to our forever home. I wear them all the time and they mean more to me than an engagement ring would have, because of the stages in our life that they represent. I have run out of comfortable ring-wearing fingers now, and I like the idea of giving one ring to each dc when I get too old to wear them, so he is not allowed to spend more money on that sort of thing 🙂

Lungelady · 27/04/2019 20:22

No engagement ring here in 2 marriages.
Don't have a wedding ring either

Obviouslynotallthere · 27/04/2019 20:23

Mutual agreement with my grandmothers engagement ring.

FraggleRocking · 27/04/2019 20:30

Mutual agreement and went shopping together for an inexpensive ring in Brighton. We both love it and we designed our wedding rings based on it.

JugsAndSoap · 27/04/2019 20:38

I asked him, bought him a plain (cheapish, but gold) "engagement" ring so he knew I was serious. I didn't want one.

Original poster
MafaldaGregorovitch · 28/04/2019 08:38

I wouldn't have one the same size as a kitchen (1k max) however this would be a huge chunk if not all of the cost of replacing my awful flooring or a huge chunk towards a holiday.

OP posts:
Smelborp · 28/04/2019 08:42

I only have a simple wedding band. Very happy with that!

ladyshapes82 · 28/04/2019 08:49

Decided to get married when we were buying a more expensive house and our solicitor panicked us about inheritance tax! We already had one DC, had been together for thirteen years, owned our house together and definitely never wanted to get married, so it was a big surprise to everyone, not least us. No engagement ring but we do have wedding rings from Hatton Garden and I actually miss wearing it now that I’m 28 weeks pregnant with DC2 and have sausage fingers. Had a tiny wedding with just immediate family and told everyone else afterwards (one of my oldest friends hasn’t spoken to me since, but that’s another story).

Pinkarsedfly · 28/04/2019 08:49

We mutually decided to get married. We already wear rings on our ‘wedding’ fingers, so when DP offered me an engagement ring, I didn’t feel the need. I didn’t want to ‘demote’ the ring I already had - it’s lovely and meaningful.

We’re getting married next week, and we haven’t bought wedding rings either. We’re just going to take our rings off the day before, give ‘em a polish and put them back on again Grin

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 28/04/2019 08:51

We did. I like it better than my wedding ring and wear it on a different finger though. My husband got a watch to celebrate as well (though didn't get round to picking it up til after the wedding)

We told people a year before I think as we were getting married abroad so they could come if they wanted

notacooldad · 28/04/2019 08:57

No engagement ring or even wedding rings for us.
Dp just said how about getting married and I said ok.
We booked a date on the day we went to register Ds1s birth and got married a couple of months after that.
As for telling people, we just phoned them up.

Stoptheworldandmelt · 28/04/2019 09:00

We told our parents once we'd decided and it sort of came up in conversation with friends. I did have a ring but a ring that he would've likely bought me as a birthday present at some point anyway, and I rarely wear it now. It was £129 lent from his Nan because we were broke students and she refused to be paid back when our loans came through. I don't wear it much but I always think of her when I do.

foxtiger · 28/04/2019 12:57

I had an engagement ring (which I chose) but I don't think having an engagement ring is the definition of being engaged. I considered myself to be engaged when I said "yes." The engagement ring came a few days later but it wouldn't have mattered if it had been months later. I also don't believe in the opposite - people calling themselves engaged and wearing engagement rings when there has been no proposal and they don't have any plans to get married.

Duckdown · 28/04/2019 13:02

No engagement ring here as I didn't want one. We have lovely wedding rings. I now wear an eternity ring of my late mum's. Never missed having an engagement ring. Just told people we were getting married - never had an engagement party or anything like that.

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