Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To ask if you mutually agreed to get married did you have an engagement ring

93 replies

MafaldaGregorovitch · 27/04/2019 16:54

And if so what does it mean to you? Also when did you announce your decision to get married?

We've made a joint decision to get married. No proposal, just a mutual discussion. Part of me wanted an engagement ring but in the end we decided against it, mostly as we're on a low budget due to a recent change of circumstances.

Just wondering what others have done and how you feel about it? Also wondering when to start telling the people we'd like to invite

OP posts:

happymummy12345 · 27/04/2019 17:39

We both knew we wanted to get married, but dh wanted to propose properly (down on one knee), as he felt it was how it should be and traditional.

bananasandwicheseveryday · 27/04/2019 17:39

No. We mutually decided to get married. We felt that a ring was an unnecessary 'extra' and chose to save the money towards the cost of our wedding and the deposit on our first house. About a year later, we had saved enough to start planning our wedding so we set the date and at that point told people our plans. This was at a time before 'save the date' cards etc so, as we were having a summer wedding, we told those who we knew we wanted to be there, so they wouldn't book holidays etc(wedding invitations used to be sent about 6-8 weeks ahead of the date back then).

daisychain01 · 27/04/2019 17:40

No engagement ring, OP, we do have his and hers wedding rings made from DHs mum's gold jewellery. It's a fairly ornate design so on its own the ring is eye catching enough.

I've toyed with the idea of a simple eternity ring, which DH is fine with, but haven't found anything that goes well with the wedding rings so not that bothered tbh. Maybe if we win the lottery it can go on the shopping list!

Yy to the wedding kitchen!

mistermagpie · 27/04/2019 17:40

First marriage we mutually agreed but I did have a ring (bought after we agreed and chosen together). Being honest, the whole thing felt like a damp squib and I was a bit embarrassed when people asked about the 'proposal'.

Second marriage, the proposal was the traditional 'out of the blue', down on one knee thing. I surprised myself by loving it, despite the fact I didn't think I was traditional.

cricketballs3 · 27/04/2019 17:41

I used a ring I used to wear on my right hand for years, then when we were celebrating our 20th anniversary DH gave me a 'proper' engagement ring

PumpkinLatteMyArse · 27/04/2019 17:42

No, I didnt. But I dont do jewellery, if I had I would have got one if I wanted one. I don't actually wear a wedding ring at all.

I think it's weird to let someone else choose a bit of jewellery that you plan to wear for the rest of your life! And think people should choose their own. But I also don't think an engagement should be a surprise at all!

motortroll · 27/04/2019 17:44

We went shopping together in the lanes in Brighton.

elliejjtiny · 27/04/2019 17:52

We decided to get married, then we chose a ring, then dh asked my dad for permission and proposed. So the deciding was mutual but we still had the moment when he got down on one knee.

makkmiss · 27/04/2019 17:53

Mutually decided to get married. DH told me his budget for my rings and I looked around to see what kinds I’d liked as I’m not really a jewellery person otherwise. This was in December so there was lots of Christmas offers on at the time and so I picked a gorgeous set, sent a photo to him and DH brought it later on by himself (and I got him a band as well). We soon had a small engagement party and he ‘proposed’ with the engagement ring before guests arrived just with the two of us. It was nice because it was still a surprise as I wasn’t expecting it but obviously the marriage itself wasn’t a surprise at all!

Blackandpurple · 27/04/2019 18:15

No announcement and no ring.

Just went and got wed and told no one.

Amibeingnaive · 27/04/2019 18:18

DH did propose but it was a spur of the moment thing, not at all planned (I was naked at the time!)

When I said yes, and put some pants on, we went to Hatton Garden and I chose the ring I have loved and worn very happily for the last decade. It's not traditional (huge square cut purple sapphire with a diamond either side), and I don't think DH would have picked it out for me, so I was very glad to get the choice.

elizzza · 27/04/2019 18:21

Yes. We went shopping together for an engagement ring - he paid for it and I paid for both wedding rings a few months later. It’s still my favourite piece of jewellery 10 years later.

Iwrotethissongfor · 27/04/2019 18:28

Mutual agreement. No proposal or ring presentation, but we chose it and he paid for it and I bought him a surprise gift in return.

Hiddenaspie1973 · 27/04/2019 18:53

Yeah in 2003.
I've taken it off now because we're not ever marrying.
Seems a bit pointless wearing it. It means nada.

Ninkaninus · 27/04/2019 19:02

Yes I have one, and I love it. It means just as much to me as if I’d had a surprise engagement, but it’s exactly right because we picked it together so I made sure it was to my liking. My OH would have felt under huge pressure to pick a ring worthy of me and probably would have gone for a more ‘impressive’ style and definitely a much bigger diamond, but I just wanted an understated ring with a small diamond.

Dixiechickonhols · 27/04/2019 19:06

No engagement ring. Never bothered me. Been married 17 years. We decided to marry and booked it for 3 months later to tie in with holiday we already had booked.

DramaAlpaca · 27/04/2019 19:09

We mutually agreed to get engaged then next day went & chose the ring together. I'm a fussy mare & he knows that so he wouldn't have wanted to risked choosing a ring for me. My ring is very special to me & it wasn't ridiculously expensive either.

Iwantacookie · 27/04/2019 19:16

Oh I've been wondering the same thing. Me and dp have decided to get married. I want a wedding ring but I'm not fussed about an engagement ring. Although we are getting married I don't feel engaged.

I do have a lovely ring dp brought me a few years ago I would happily use that as an engagement ring.

Boom45 · 27/04/2019 19:19

No engagement or wedding ring here. The wedding was a bit of formality to protect me after i went part time when the babies started arriving. We didn't announce anything until after we'd got married either

Iamnotagoddess · 27/04/2019 19:20

I have a ring that I absolutely adore.

Iamnotagoddess · 27/04/2019 19:21

I am not sure what ridiculously expensive is - mine was about £3000

RottnestFerry · 27/04/2019 19:36

We mutually agreed, although I brought the subject up by proposing.

My wife wears both a wedding and engagement ring. The latter acted as a form of shield, apparently.

I wear nothing. I tried wearing a wedding ring but it didn't last to the end of the honeymoon. I don't do jewellery.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 27/04/2019 19:49

Didn't have an engagement ring or a wedding ring either.

EnglishRose13 · 27/04/2019 19:56

Decided to get married. Picked a ring together. Told people/people noticed my ring. No big announcement.

Gettingthroughthedays · 27/04/2019 19:59

We mutually agreed but he still got down on one knee after he picked up my ring.

We actually both have engagements rings because I didn't see why I should walk about with a show of commitment and he shouldn't lol!

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread