To not stay at dc classmates birthday parties if the host parent doesn’t mind?

[ScrambledToe]

Dc are 9 and 5, every time they have a party invite to a classmates birthday I kind of go with the expectation of not staying.

But I do ask if it’s okay every time, but if it’s not okay then obvs I will stay!

Just dropped one dc off at party, host was happy for me to leave but as I was walking out another parent, who I’m friendly with, stopped me and said you not staying?! I replied no, got some work to do at home.

She commented back with you never stay at parties do you! (More a scoffing statement than a question) You just leave dd on her own. She said it in a really judgy way. I just explained that she doesn’t need me to be here, then I left.

It’s true, she doesn’t! The host prob doesn’t want me there either! I know when i’m hosting I’m happier when the parents go so i don’t have to talk to them! I don’t know them! Plus I don’t want to sit in a village hall for 2hrs when my house is 2mins away!

This parent and her dh stay at every party, I think they find it sociable to chat to the parent host. AIBU to think that it’s them who are the odd ones for NOT leaving? And not me for leaving?

Their ds is totally fine without them there, plus even if he wasn’t, it doesn’t take 2 parents to attend!

You did assume your way was right given that when I said parent who drop and run aren’t CF, your response was “well, what would you call them?”

That is extremely arrogant. I don’t think Miss Manners would approve.

Depends on the situation I guess - I have a 5yo dd and never left her. She'd prefer me to be There and I like chatting to other parents. I have a 7yo dd and usually drop off - except for things like ice skating when I have to go on the ice with her.

Any parties for my 5 year old DDs classmates will normally have the birthday child’s parents, both sets of grandparents and some aunts and uncles, so plenty of adults to help. I’ve helped out at DNs parties also. I do still go with the expectation of staying, i.e not booking a hair appointment or anything during party time but usually the hosts will say something like “see you at 4pm” or “you’re welcome to head on and pick her up later” or something like that. Pretty clear hint there! All areas are different though, and one person’s normal is another one’s CF. I think the key point of the OP is that another parent was seemingly judging her for not staying at parties. If there’s no backstory and her DD is fine at these parties, then if the hosts don’t have a problem I say crack on and it’s not up to another parent to judge just because they do something differently.

I don't assume anything, IvanaPee parents who drop and run are CF. Parents who are asked or encouraged to drop the children by the hosts are not. I realise the difference might be subtle for some people, but when others are commenting at being left to deal with your little darlings, it's not that difficult to see the difference if you really want to

Other parents tend to comment even more when the dropped child is one of the nightmares one. How do you think they really noticed the parent always disappear?

5 and over it’s absolutely fine to leave them!

It is absolutely not fine to leave a 5 year old without a parent. If they know another adult well, yes, that is OK - if the other parent is ok about looking after them but to just leave a 5 year old in a church hall or soft play is bloody odd sorry.

jacksonmaine my 5 year old was fine without a parent because these were kids she knew from nursery and the host had either already informed that leaving was fine, or I asked on arrival. I don't think it was being said that it was OK to turn up and just leave with no word to anyone. In fact, other threads where that has happened have mostly been replied to with posters saying its absolutely not OK.