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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be FUMING!

101 replies

Ella1980 · 27/04/2019 14:51

So... Fiance, kids and I are in the process of moving house. Mum has been helping as she only lives next village along. She has been really useful tbf.

She has just asked me if I enjoyed my nice bottle of wine that was by my bedside table. She then admits she chucked the wine away and filled it up with water because I "shouldn't be drinking in bed".

I'm 38 ffs and we are totally skint with the house move. She'd had a go at me earlier for spending £4 on a little vase for the new home!

AIBU to think she's totally out of order?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ella1980 · 27/04/2019 18:31

And like we can afford movers!! Some people have clearly never been anything but finacially comfortable...

I haven't lived with parents since I was 18!!!!

OP posts:
RosaWaiting · 27/04/2019 18:34

YANBU, she's totally out of order

tell her you don't need her help any more. It really isn't worth it.

Cherrysoup · 27/04/2019 18:35

That's so weird. I can't understand the people saying it was a joke, get over it. Her not so dm tipped out an entire bottle of wine and she's broke. Given my wine habit, I know even the cheapest bottles are now £4. I'd be absolutely raging. It's such a weird thing to do. Why the fuck did she do it?

GottenGottenGotten · 27/04/2019 18:42

Is your mum worried about how much you drink? Not that that excuses her behaviour, but it might be some semblance of a reason at least.

Otherwise it is totally baffling.

SometimesIGetNervous · 27/04/2019 18:49

What did you say to her though? Have you told her to replace it? Confused

Owwlie · 27/04/2019 18:55

I'd be really angry at this, it's not a 'joke'. If it was a joke she would have poured the wine into another bottle to give you later.

This is barmy, treating you like a child. I would be telling her to replace it.

Dropitlikeitshot · 27/04/2019 19:01

Wait until she had a Terry’s chocolate orange at Christmas, eat it, and replace it with a real orange. Revenge is sweet.

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 27/04/2019 19:07

I think I might look through her kitchen cupboards next time I'm there and take something nice that costs a similar amount to the wine.

Original poster
Ella1980 · 27/04/2019 20:01

I asked her why she did it and she said that I should not be drinking wine in bed, it should stay downstairs. I honestly didn't know what to say, I was floored and tbh, thought she must be joking.

It's MY house so I don't see how she feels she can make the rules in it.

She knows how tight money is for us. Wine is a "luxury item" so I can't justify replacing it.

OP posts:
TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 27/04/2019 20:06

If that's her real reason then she surely would just have put it downstairs, not poured it out! Weird behaviour.

Original poster
Ella1980 · 27/04/2019 20:12

But again, who is she to tell me where I can and can't drink wine?!!

OP posts:
tashac89 · 27/04/2019 20:12

Rope, ky and a cucumber. All left on your bed the next time your DM decides to come 'help'.

SometimesIGetNervous · 27/04/2019 20:18

I mean, why would anyone throw a bottle of wine away, but why would anyone throw away someone else's bottle of wine?

You need to have words with her, tell her you’re not a child, where you drink wine is no one’s business and buy you a new one.

shellysheridan · 27/04/2019 20:22

Did she drink it?

RosaWaiting · 27/04/2019 20:34

I would definitely ask her to replace it

I would also point out that enjoying a glass of wine in bed is perfectly legal - and - shock horror - you might even want a glass of wine post-shag!

in fact, I'd go the whole hog and see if you can put an empty fag packet by the bed as well.

madness.

HelloMonday · 27/04/2019 20:34

My mum would do something like this, it's not funny to be constantly undermined when you're an adult in your own home.

I'm totally with you @OP

Mine will never change. I just nod/say ok, and ignore now, Do what I was planning anyways. If she says "jump", she's confused when no one does it, never mind asking "how high".

Original poster
Ella1980 · 27/04/2019 20:52

My mother would be horrified if she knew I had sex regularly!!! She has two grandchildren but they were born in wedlock so that's acceptable 😆

OP posts:
RosaWaiting · 27/04/2019 20:54

OP I could not deal with that.

Motoko · 27/04/2019 21:13

You should have words with her. Tell her that this is YOUR home, not hers, she had no business doing that, so she needs to replace the wine, and if she does anything like that again, she'll be banned from visiting.

Ihatehashtags · 28/04/2019 01:42

She sounds like she has mental healthy issues. I’d tell her to buy me a new one

Rosesaredead · 28/04/2019 05:46

Okay I'm normally one to tell OPs to chill out but I'm so shocked that so many of you and junk that this was just a harmless joke when actually it was weird, inappropriate, controlling and unkind. How cruel to do that to someone knowing they don't have the money to replace it. A nice bottle of wine is a treat that OP was probably looking forward to. It's okay for her mother to throw is away until I got permission just because she's offering some basic help? I'm sorry but I think this hit a nerve as it's the sort of thing my mum would do. She offers "help" but it comes at such a price. She does nasty, controlling spiteful little things and if I dare even tell her I'm upset she lists all the stuff she has ever helped me with. It's so upsetting. Needless to say I stopped accepting any type of help pretty quickly. I sugg at you do the same OP, and mention to your mum that you're upset and disappointed.

Rosesaredead · 28/04/2019 05:48

Sorry, autocorrect went a bit crazy on that post.

*so many of you THINK it was a harmless joke
*WITHOUT permission
*SUGGEST you do the same

Haha sorry

cheesemongery · 28/04/2019 06:18

I reckon your Mum's a secret alchy and chugged the wine then thought - shit, I know what will be funny...

Other than that, it's just batshit all round.

I wouldn't be fuming, I'd just be - eh?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 28/04/2019 07:26

She shouldn't have chucked it away but maybe she was concerned about the drinking and went about it the wrong way. I dont know any people that take a bottle of wine to bed.

As for the vase spending, if you've been moaning about having no money a lot then buy non essentials it does grate on people and she likely commented due to that.

RosaWaiting · 28/04/2019 10:28

"I dont know any people that take a bottle of wine to bed."

but its not about sitting in bed swigging wine like water....well I don't think so OP, you tell us Grin

I imagine it's quite natural that you might have a glass or three in bed, and your fiance might join you. Do not see anything odd about that at all.