To think that if you are committed enough to decide to have children....

[Oakenbeach]

....you should also be committed enough to each other to get married (assuming that you don’t have any objections to marriage in principle), and that it makes no sense at all for couples to plan to have children (and I stress ‘plan’) before deciding whether to get married.

Calling a child a bastard is fucking gross.

@MissTerryShopper "boils my piss" wtf!
Are you into witchcraft or some shit?
Probably explains your complete insane comment about bastard children!
Anybody that calls children bastards has a serious problem

BASTARD!!! YOU COMPLETE AND UTTER BASTARD!!!! Fond memories of Rik and Vyvian.

My opinion is that it's absolutely nobody's business what others seek to do in their own lives.
Some of mumsnet's poster seem to live in a world where everything is deemed black and white.
People are human, they have different goals, lives, and opportunities.
We are capable of creating our own financial security without marriage. It's really not the be all and end all.
This post is just Goady!

I agree Op. I just don't understandf why any two people would have kids without commiting to staying together for the key first 18 years of their lives. That means marriage. 'Hope' isn't any kind of commitment.

Anyone who says they can't afford marriage, is so wrong. Marriage isn't expensive. - a big expensive wedding is not required If you can afford to have kids - you can afford to get married.

It's because like many other words in our language, it's become derogatory and is used as an insult. But 'Bastard' actually means a child born to parents who are not married. An illegitimate child. Born 'out of wedlock'. A love child, if you prefer!

Tell me how someone thinks the man is so 'superior' that the child has to be given his surname? Why is the mother's surname not more important. I need to understand.

But it IS our business!!! When your relationship breaks up, as most unmarried relationships do, more often than not WE get to pick up the financial burden. Not to mention that your kids also get to suffer the consequences.

Tell me how someone thinks the man is so 'superior' that the child has to be given his surname? Why is the mother's surname not more important. I need to understand.

It's a choice. There is no legal requirement to do so.

YANBU. How many more posts are we going to have to read from shocked and upset women who've lived with their partner for a decade popped out a couple of his kids and is now throwing a strop because he doesn't want to get married?

If marriage is something you want don't be an idiot and give it all away before you have an adult conversation!

@December2018

@Eliza9919 I think most of the weddings I've seen lately are treated like a competition who's wedding is bigger & better... that's just my friend circle though and doesn't apply to everyone

I agree, it's insta-obsession and copying celebrities, but it's all ridiculous imo. Most ppl that have all the crap end up divorced before they've finished paying it off.

We are bringing our forward as I'm Pg. We are going to the registry office, only inviting immediate family and just have a meal somewhere vair naice after. I've found a cheap photographer and videographer, I'll buy a sample dress (got my other bits, shoes, veil etc) I'm not doing flowers or table centerpieces or anything. So you can still have a ni e day without all the shite.

We are bringing our forward as I'm Pg. We are going to the registry office, only inviting immediate family and just have a meal somewhere vair naice after.

That sounds like a lovely day!

But it IS our business!!! When your relationship breaks up, as most unmarried relationships do, more often than not WE get to pick up the financial burden. Not to mention that your kids also get to suffer the consequences

Oh Lordy. This would have to be about the most stupid thing I have read all week.

But it IS our business!!! When your relationship breaks up, as most unmarried relationships do, more often than not WE get to pick up the financial burden.

Eh? Perhaps a wee explanation?

Most ppl that have all the crap end up divorced before they've finished paying it off

I can believe that. When it's all about the day rather than the vows the focus is on the wrong thing. Two people who love each other enough to commit should be happy to nip to the registry office and just do it.

Slapping.. I won't, simply because although i am thoroughly convinced this is what i was told.. As you can imagine my head was frazzled and i may have got it wrong

It's because like many other words in our language, it's become derogatory and is used as an insult. But 'Bastard' actually means a child born to parents who are not married. An illegitimate child. Born 'out of wedlock'. A love child, if you prefer!"

I'm really getting a bit scared, it's like dp's great gran has come back to life posting on mn! I wonder if she still thinks 'spastic' is still acceptable to use as a descriptor for people who are physically impaired.

I think it’s a terribly outmoded view to be going on about women have to have the financial protection of marriage before having kids. Any lower wage earner or main carer should. A lot of women I know earn much more than their partners and the partners are the hands on parent. Same with me.

Completely fair enough frasersmummy and I'm so sorry for your loss.

DP and I aren't married.

We were both married before and have no desire to do it.

I bought the house before we got together. He had to stop work for five years due to illness and I supported us all financially.

In my Will I have stated that if I die then he can stay in the house until he dies,or he can move if he wants to. So he won't end up homeless.

If we were married then the house would be split somehow if we did split up. I'm not prepared to put his name on the deeds,however if we did marry I would see it as an equal asset.

It's a shame there are so many uninformed people. With regards to the common law thing,it is a drop down option on some car insurance search options so no wonder people think it's an actual thing.

When your relationship breaks up, as most unmarried relationships do, more often than not WE get to pick up the financial burden

I don't think the relationship status of married or unmarried changes that, that's down to the parent themselves and their work ethic. Some don't factor in the costs of children whatsoever.

Married or not, the NRP would still be expected to pay child support.

If it's just a piece of paper why the fuck are so many men opposed to marriage, or don't believe in it?

I believe that we should begin to adopt similar child custody arrangements as America. Many states are now 50/50.
This ensures that both parents are responsible for parenting and also have equal opportunity to provide for themselves.
We must start taking responsibility for our own careers.
Many cling to the fact that a father can not be permitted overnights until 2 yet complain that he doesn't pull his weight!

@meanandmetoo I obviously don't know what your dp's great gran would think acceptable. I am surprised that you think the word 'spastic' applies to people who are physically impaired. It's specific. Look it up.

Are you seriously pulling me up on my use of that word after the shite you've come out with?

"Dp was on life support. The doctors did say they were happy to talk to me about the decisions but if i disagreed with them and it ended in court i would need to apply to be made next of kin. Luckily it never came to that.

I honestly didn't think this was something that happened anymore, the most recent example I was otherwise aware of was I think 2011. Would you be willing to say what Trust/area it was?"

What happens if the ill person's biological next of kin e.g. parent or adult child disagrees with the cohabiting partner?

Also, what counts as a partner if there's no need for marriage. Could a new boyfriend/girlfriend expect to be treated as next of kin - I know that most wouldn't even try it, but could they?