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Original poster

Would you tell dh you think a close friend of his is sexy?

64 replies

Flyingfish2019 · 27/04/2019 00:07

It came up in the other thread. The “Do you have a sceleton in the closet“ one somebody started.

I think one of my dh‘s best friend is pretty good looking... sexy even.

I never told this friend. I never told dh. I never did anything but I felt quite attracted to the friend for a while and because of that reason I started avoiding him. This was years ago. Dh is still seeing this friend but I am not that attracted to him anymore. Still think he is good looking. Would you tell dh? Do you think it would be good or bad for the marriage? Would it be bad for their friendship?

OP posts:
ElspethFlashman · 27/04/2019 00:08

Are you high??

Quintella · 27/04/2019 00:10

Er, no!

What good could possibly be achieved by telling him this? I would be distinctly unimpressed if my husband came out with 'ooh, your pal Sarah is so hot.'

Distinctly.Unimpressed.

user1473878824 · 27/04/2019 00:10

Well of course it would be bad for all of that? Do you really have to ask? Also it’s clearly not “I think X is good looking” you clearly fancy him. Why would you tell your husband? Why would you tell your friend? This is weird.

Tweety1981 · 27/04/2019 00:10

It depends on how strong your relationship is .

You didn’t do anything and there are plenty of attractive people out there .

You could tell him you think his friend is good looking , but why bother ? What is that going to achieve , unless ...

You are actually very interested in this friend 🤔

Original poster
Flyingfish2019 · 27/04/2019 00:10

What I wanted to say is: I believe in honesty in a marriage and if he would think one of my friends was sexy I would want him to tell me.

OP posts:
Kattyy · 27/04/2019 00:11

What for? What would anyone gain?

Tweety1981 · 27/04/2019 00:11

Why are you still thinking about this guy anyway ?

Xmasbaby11 · 27/04/2019 00:11

I can't think how it would come up tbh. No I wouldn't say anything. Occasionally dh and I have mentioned that some of my friends are attractive, when it's come up. I wouldn't be impressed if he used the word sexy!

MargotLovedTom1 · 27/04/2019 00:11

To answer your last three questions:
Obviously not!
Pretty bad.
I would think so.

Quintella · 27/04/2019 00:12

Too much honesty is overrated.

'You look fat in that'
'I hate your family'

ElspethFlashman · 27/04/2019 00:12

Crack on then, if honesty is the most important thing.

Quintella · 27/04/2019 00:13

Do you have ambitions to become a swinger? That's the only explanation I can think of for wanting to tell him his friend is sexy and encouraging him to do the same.

Beeziekn33ze · 27/04/2019 00:14

Nooooooooo

Xmasbaby11 · 27/04/2019 00:14

That kind of honesty is not helpful to a marriage. Focus on your dh and be happy with him if you can. You really need to stop noticing his friend.

Tweety1981 · 27/04/2019 00:16

I don’t know. i Don’t think it’s respectful . I would tell my husband if I thought someone Random was handsome , or someone onTV. But sexy ? No. Any suggestion that I fancy them is disrespectful .

If you want to be honest perhaps you can simply say that you have recently found someone attractive but nothing is ever going to happen . Why tell him it’s his friend ? He is going to be upset .. wondering what this guy has got that he hasn’t etc etc

Why would you want to start all that?

Original poster
Flyingfish2019 · 27/04/2019 00:16

@Kattyy It’s just because I believe in honesty but maybe a bad idea.

@Tweety I still see this guy a lot because he is one of dhs close friends. In fact I see him much more than in the past because I am not actively avoiding him any longer... but I do not feel attracted to him anymore, while I still think he is good looking but I have no interest in him anymore.

OP posts:
Greeborising · 27/04/2019 00:18

What’s the point of this shite?

Tweety1981 · 27/04/2019 00:21

Ok so get it out there . But if you don’t fancy him and not interested in him , why bother ?

You don’t know him and if you did you may not have even fancied him in the first place .

Just think about your OHs feelings and what you think you are going to gain by dredging this up .

DramaAlpaca · 27/04/2019 00:22

Some things are better left unsaid, and this is one of them.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 27/04/2019 00:31

How would you feel if he said all that to you about a mutual friend?
I wouldn’t like that at all. I think it would play on my mind and make me question how attractive my dh finds me.

chipsandgin · 27/04/2019 00:32

Whaaaat! Of course not. Just as I wouldn’t tell him for example that I find his sister really dull. It would be honest - but unkind & unnecessary..I’m a big fan of honesty, but some things are better inside your head.

Telling him would achieve nothing, hurt him, make him forever uncomfortable when his friend is around in company. I’d be furious if DH decided to tell me shit like that.

As long as you aren’t doing anything about it then why cause hurt & awkwardness - what on earth do you think would be the positive outcome from that!?

category12 · 27/04/2019 00:43

Nooo. Some things belong in your head.

Honesty isn't blurting out everything that ever crossed your mind.

Butchyrestingface · 27/04/2019 00:44

What I wanted to say is: I believe in honesty in a marriage and if he would think one of my friends was sexy I would want him to tell me

What if he thinks all of your friends are smoking 🚬 hot?

Honestly is the best policy (usually) but there's nothing dishonest in not going running off at the mouth in response to a question that has yet to be asked.

lovesmarties · 27/04/2019 00:46

Oh, my, goodness, just, no.

Google 'Peter Kaye, Claire from work', and watch the ad.

x2boys · 27/04/2019 00:47

Well there's honesty and than honesty ,dh knows I think Ewan McGregor was incredibly sexy in his trainsspotting era but I'm unlikely to ever meet Ewan McGregor and even if I did it's doubtful he would feel the same way and I didn't find him attractive in subsequent films anyway ,I know dh thinks Jennifer Aniston was very attractive in her younger days but again we are from Bolton when would he ever meet her? and even if he did it's highly unlikely she would find him attractive so.in answer to your question no I wouldn't tell dh I found a real life friend of his attractive ,what's the point ?