Would you tell dh you think a close friend of his is sexy?

[Flyingfish2019]

It came up in the other thread. The “Do you have a sceleton in the closet“ one somebody started.

I think one of my dh‘s best friend is pretty good looking... sexy even.

I never told this friend. I never told dh. I never did anything but I felt quite attracted to the friend for a while and because of that reason I started avoiding him. This was years ago. Dh is still seeing this friend but I am not that attracted to him anymore. Still think he is good looking. Would you tell dh? Do you think it would be good or bad for the marriage? Would it be bad for their friendship?

I remember your posts about your DH now. I don't know why you posted this with your DHs fragile MH.
Unless you want to play mind games, ruin his friendship, his confidence.

What I wanted to say is: I believe in honesty in a marriage and if he would think one of my friends was sexy I would want him to tell me.

Unless you were directly asked if you fancy him, what does it have to do with honesty?

Does he have a list of every man you're attracted to. Everything you eat for lunch? A list of your favourite jumpers you saw at the store? It's irrelevant information

I quite fancy one of the rugby dads.
No way would I tell dh.

No, all this would do is hurt your dh's feelings. I cant see any benefit to this at all.

I believe in honesty in a marriage and if he would think one of my friends was sexy I would want him to tell me.

Honesty does not mean you have to tell him every thought that crosses your mind. There is no purpose to this other than making dh feel insecure or awkward around friend.

What would the conversation actually be? "Dh I think your friend is sexy, I used to feel attracted to him but kept my distance for a while. Now I dont fancy him."

Imagine hearing that??????? There is no good reason to do it.

You're going to achieve nothing by telling him. All it will do is make him upset

No, I did not start a thread about this before. Another poster asked if we had a guilty secret we did not tell our dhs. I mentioned on that thread and then started one because I did not want to derail it.

@those who ask why I should mention it at all: My dh really values loyality in other people and he sometimes praises mine in front of other people... like how I stick to him when he was having a hard time and being a difficult husband.

So actually it was when he was having a hard time when I started fancying his friend. During this time he was grumpy and snappy and sometimes barked orders at me... but on the other hand he told me has was sorry he was acting like that... and when I asked him “Do you think barking orders at me is a good way to communicate with me?“ he told me has was very sorry.
Then I really started fancying his friend because he is always so careless and cheerful, also smoking hot. I never did anything in fact I started avoiding him. I have no idea how this friend things about me but I think he is not interested.

So my dh praises me for being loyal to him when he had a bad time and did not treat me right and sometimes he even tells other people how loyal I am... and I am feeling very embarrassed... because if it wasn’t for my self control... I am not sure what I would have done.

But I guess those of you who think that it was a bad idea to tell him are right because I am not sure what it actually would achieve and guess he might feel bad about it and not sure if he would understand.

I wouldn't mind if it came up that DH thought a friend of mine was good looking. But if he fancied her to the extent he had to avoid her I'd rather he kept that to himself.

I think you misunderstand loyalty to be honest. Loyalty is not about never having temptation it's about valuing and recognising what you have and choosing not to do anything.

Honesty is about being true and transparent about who you are , it's naive to simply think it's repeating every single word or thought you have ever wanted to.

By adhering to a close minded interpretation of honesty and loyalty and not making an effort to understand what they truly mean ,honestly being a bit lazy and cruel to your DH to hurt him for semantics.

There is a very big difference between being honest within a relationship and admitting you find your dh friend sexy.

As adults we all know we will come across others who just float our boat but to admit to these feelings/thoughts about someone in your inner circle is hurtful and inflammatory.

Don’t do it!

There’s a difference between honesty and privacy. You’re allowed private thoughts and you don’t have to share them all.

There’s an up swing in abuse between teens who are demanding online passwords off each other as a mark of trust and honesty. That’s clearly wrong as you should also be trusted and being private is not wrong nor suspicious.

Do you think you maybe want to tell him to punish him for treating you badly.

Also, I tend to find men who bang on about honesty see it as a one way street. Of course he’s fancied people while you’ve been together. But why would he tell you a passing thought that would hurt you and have zero significance?

You’re not your thought op. You can think someone’s hot without that mere thought meaning you’re dishonest.

Well said backonceagain

I really don’t get this sharing every tiny thing with a partner. It sounds so over the top and a bit sort of needy. Because you are married does not make you into one person. You are still allowed your own thoughts, feelings and fantasies and not everything that springs into your mind needs to be shared ( unless you’re an over sharing teenager)