Would you tell dh you think a close friend of his is sexy?

[Flyingfish2019]

It came up in the other thread. The “Do you have a sceleton in the closet“ one somebody started.

I think one of my dh‘s best friend is pretty good looking... sexy even.

I never told this friend. I never told dh. I never did anything but I felt quite attracted to the friend for a while and because of that reason I started avoiding him. This was years ago. Dh is still seeing this friend but I am not that attracted to him anymore. Still think he is good looking. Would you tell dh? Do you think it would be good or bad for the marriage? Would it be bad for their friendship?

That's not being honest that's being stupid...

Why did you start a new thread on this, OP? Wasn’t the same advice on the other thread sufficient?

I have mentioned seeing someone as good looking/handsome/etc. to my DH before when it has come up in conversation but I have never just pointed it out out of the blue - that's just nasty. You don't have to voice every thought in your head to be honest.

I also think there is a big difference between thinking someone is good looking and being attracted to them. I would be very reluctant to mention to my DH that I was attracted to someone. That just seems like feeding anxiety and paranoia for no good reason. Possibly in the context of marriage counseling or something where we were trying to work out our own relationship and attraction was an area of discussion, but only in the context of that helping us as a couple, not as a way to just let him know I'm attracted to someone else we spend lots of time with.

Just consider your DHs feelings.

I guess imagine if, as you chatted over dinner one evening he said how sex one of your close friends was?

Might that prompt some discomfort for you, and wondering why he felt it necessary to say this to you... I would wonder whether he was angling for a threesome or something! Like there's a reason behind telling you iyswim?

Does anyone talk about their OHs fantasy women?

I think if you already have the kind of relationship where you and your partner appreciate the aesthetics of others then fine. If you are the kind of people who never comment on others attractiveness then no.
I think it is entirely possible to appreciate other peoples beauty without wanting to jump them. But most people aren't up for that kind of chat.

Total honesty = stupidity. You are allowed to have private thoughts, you know.

Are you for real? Are you intent on hurting your DH? What an awful cunty thing to ponder over?!

You sound obsessed with sharing this absurd thought and very cruel with it too.

Lots of people in the world are sexy, no need to be banging on about it!

no way, why would you? Do you want to upset him for some reason?

By that measure (wanting to be honest) will you tell him which of his friends/family you consider ugly/annoying/fake etc. It appears to be unnecessary and slightly drama seeking.

ElspethFlashman

Are you high??

This ^^ made me laugh

Sure tell him, and then report back how well your honesty worked, how he’s now really happy to hear it. And plus it’s gained...nothing for anyone??? You’d have just made your DH feel rubbish

Oh I can't see how this would be good in any way.

Honesty in marriage doesn't mean you blab every single thought that comes into your head. Don't do it .

I wonder if your DH thinks any of your friends are sexy.
I hope if he does you'll be as understanding as you expect him to be.

Yes but there is honesty and honesty. Would you want your DH to tell you he found your friend sexy and he had fancied her for ages? No ? well then.
Op you sound a bit ... thick...sorry just being honest.

Wait so she’s already started another thread about how much she clearly fancies this man? Ffs. I take it the bare bones of it is “is it okay to shag my friend’s boyfriend if I’ve told them all first?”

What User ? What thread are you reading.

Not 'friend's bf' but bf's friend

Nope. Bad idea. Of course.

Are you bored or something?

Nope

Sounds like a plan. Let me know how it goes.

This would be the husband with ptsd and mental health problems?

Yup. You crack on op.

Weird post.
I can't for the life of me imagine why you think you need to tell your husband that you used to fancy one of his friends? To the point where you actively avoided him. What are you hoping to gain from this? For whose benefit would you be doing it? Is the plan to just completely blindside your husband one day over dinner, "Oh by the way darling, I used to fancy the pants off your friend X, which is why I avoided him as I was scared I might have jumped on him.
I don't any more though".
Firstly, it's actually a real non-event. Yesterday's news. What does it matter? Secondly, you would potentially really hurt your husband's feelings and make him feel humiliated and possibly ruin his friendship and make his friend feel awkward and embarrassed. Honesty is supposed to be a positive, desirable quality in a person, when handled correctly. Your attention seeking is not 'honesty' and could be extremely destructive. And for what?!

I believe in honesty in a marriage and if he would think one of my friends was sexy I would want him to tell me.

Ha. No, you wouldn't.