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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being precious?!

26 replies

xxxJess123xxx · 26/04/2019 08:20

Hi all I'm lucky enough that my mum is my childcare 2 days a week. She looked after my first (now 3) while I went back to work and will have my second in August when I go back after maternity (baby will be 7 months)
Recently though whenever she spends time with 3 year old she is always on her phone. she tries to play with her and get her attention but the phone is always out.
I know she will look after them how I would like and properly in regards to feeding, changing etc and used to take 3 year old out to playgroup both days she had her but even when I have been with my mum to playgroup she is on her phone
Aibu that I feel a bit sad that they are going to get ignored alot them 2 days? I'm hardly ever on my phone while kiddos are awake (eventhough I am now!!! Lol) and feel like you miss so much just staring at a screen.
My 3 year old will be going playschool for 1 1/2 days out of the 2 days she has her, just the 7 month old all day etc
Thanks in advance

OP posts:
Original poster
xxxJess123xxx · 26/04/2019 08:22

I mean my 3 year old tries to get her attention and play with her but she is staring at her phone/phone is out

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 26/04/2019 08:32

Are you sad enough to look at alternative, paid childcare?

Original poster
xxxJess123xxx · 26/04/2019 08:33

Like I said at the start I'm very lucky. I dont think it's a bad thing I'm worried about my children being ignored.

OP posts:
Lungelady · 26/04/2019 08:33

Have you spoken to her about it?

Justmuddlingalong · 26/04/2019 08:34

Ok then. Are you worried enough to look at alternative, paid childcare?

Original poster
xxxJess123xxx · 26/04/2019 08:36

I cant afford it! I havnt said anything yet, I dont know how to put it tbh

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 26/04/2019 08:38

I would have a quiet word and check that she’s still happy with the arrangement. It’s not ideal at all to be constantly looking at her phone. Some apps are extremely addictive so it’s quite possible she’s unaware of how long she’s spending on it.

Have a chat.

MatildaTheCat · 26/04/2019 08:40

How about waiting until she’s on it and saying something like,’Mum, what is it you are looking at? I’ve noticed you are really using your phone a lot lately. I’m a bit concerned tbh that it’s going to get to be a problem when you have the children.’

Igotthemheavyboobs · 26/04/2019 08:40

Personally, I wouldn't if you can afford child care. She may refuse to have them any more.

Original poster
xxxJess123xxx · 26/04/2019 08:40

I am seeing my boss end of the month about discussing going back to.work. I may ask to cut down a day so mum will only have them one day

OP posts:
HeartvsHead · 26/04/2019 08:42

Also it's different when there is another responsible adult there. When she is on her own she may well be more diligent. I will sometimes do bit on my phone and get absorbed when I know hubby or my mum is also watching DC.

It's a fine line between making sure you are comfortable with the arrangement and not booting her and risk loosing it. Only you can judge that.

HeartvsHead · 26/04/2019 08:43

Booting = upsetting (not sure how that happened!)

Original poster
xxxJess123xxx · 26/04/2019 08:50

Yeah that's a point, if I'm not there it may not be as much x

OP posts:
MRex · 26/04/2019 08:54

Get your 3 year old to draw a picture, of she really is always on the phone then in the picture she'll be on her phone. Give her the picture and point it out, that will get the message across.

MRex · 26/04/2019 08:54

*if not of

Original poster
xxxJess123xxx · 26/04/2019 09:07

She's only just 3 so her drawings are scribbles atm bless her x

OP posts:
Springwalk · 26/04/2019 09:08

Cut down to one day and say nothing to your mother.

I would not be happy with this either, quite apart from the bad example she is setting, it also gives the impression she doesn't really want to be there (and this could be closer to the truth)

I would consider putting the three year old in pre school on the day you work for a few hours possibly? Or ask your mother to take her to a toddler activity so it is harder to use a phone?

MRex · 26/04/2019 09:09

Can she describe her scribbles to her gran? I still have faint hope for my plan.

Boysey45 · 26/04/2019 09:11

It sounds like shes bored and doesn't want to do it. If she was interested then she would be more positively engaged, not opting out mentally.If it was me I'd have an honest discussion with her, I'd be more worried from a safety perspective really as it only takes a minute for an accident to happen.

Original poster
xxxJess123xxx · 26/04/2019 09:19

Of course, the safety aspect too is worrying but she does take good care of them just looks on her phone lots! But obv takes a second for an accident.
She used to have 3 year old (then 2) all day Thursday and Friday but I'm going to ask my boss if I can cut fridays out so mum will only have baby all day and 3 year old in the afternoon (playschool in the AM)

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 26/04/2019 09:21

I would check with her that she's still happy with minding them before you shuffle your hours.

Ullupullu · 26/04/2019 09:22

How do you know she is on her phone when alone with your child? She is probably looking at it while having a break while you are there.

WhyTho · 26/04/2019 09:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ppeatfruit · 26/04/2019 09:41

How about approaching your mum from your own perspective? You could say something like, "I know I'm on my phone too much, but I do put it down (out of reach) to stop myself (they're so addictive ha ha ha!! )when I'm alone with the children, just because, you know how easily they can up to something...."

See how she responds!

Chamomileteaplease · 26/04/2019 10:10

Sounds like your mother is generally a reasonable person if you like the way she used to look after your eldest so I would be brave and speak to her about it.

The main thing is to say lots of positive things too. Use a friendly, calm tone but be very clear about your concern. Do not put yourself down with regard to your own phone use. Be clear about hers. You could frame it that you want to check that she is still keen to look after the baby as you are worried that she is starting to find it boring hence the phone use.

If you don't talk to her she will have no idea how you feel and you could spoil a potentially perfect childcare arrangement.