Father of my children does not want to marry me!

[Jessil91]

So my BF of almost ten years who I live with and have two lovely children with does not believe in marriage. This wasn’t made clear to me til a few a days ago when we were for talking about it ( I just kind of assumed we would get married at some point given circumstances). I’ve never been a massive marriage advocate per se but I can’t help but feel really depressed and down about it, like he doesn’t want me or take our relationship seriously. I know that may sound silly since we have children together but I can’t help how I feel. There’s this feeling of rejection, like the man I love doesn’t love me enough to marry me. I communicated this with him and he turned round and said that his not believing in marriage is not personal and that he felt a little offended because I seemed more bothered about marriage then just being with him. But that’s not the case, I just believe in marriage and what it stands for and I want to legalise our relationship. I must add that he’s a great Dad and we have a healthy relationship otherwise.

Am I being stupid??? Any advice would be greatly appreciated !!

I think that’s a brilliant idea. I suggested it to DH when we were discussing both of our names. We couldn’t agree on a new name, so kept our own
So you considered that even though you had a list of reasons why to keep your own? Hmm.

If your husbands name is your fils name then your name is your mums or your dads no? Thats what ive been educated on by one poster.

Nobody has "their own" name then really do they? Unless they change it by deed poll to something random its always "passed down" or has come from someone ie on marriage.

Is your name the same as your father's?

So you have a mans name that you were given by your parents. Presumably your mother has or had the same one.

Drip drip drip into misogyny because you didnt choose that name you were given it becsause it was the done thing.

But regardless of that you keep that name because taking your husbands (even though that would be totally up to you and not forced on you like your birth name) would be misogynistic.

Your argument makes no sense.

I never said your birth name was random at all. Read my posts properly.

@Kennehora, your lack of logic is so great I have no idea what point you’re trying to make.

So you considered that even though you had a list of reasons why to keep your own? Hmm.

Gosh. You’re determined not to get it, aren’t you. Here’s a step by step guide as to how it went.

DH: are you going to change your name?
Me: are you?
DH: eh?
Me: I’m not changing mine if you’re not changing yours.
DH: to what?
Me: whatever we decide.
DH: sounds like a lot of hassle.
Me: yes. And it’s not fair that I should do that and not you. So either we both change our names or neither of us do. Why would I want to share a name with your father rather than my own?
DH: good point. Let’s leave it alone then.
Me:

I booked the honeymoon. He was Mr Doors for 2 weeks as everyone assumed we were Mr + Mrs. He has defended the decision ever since.

You said you couldn't agree on a name. As in a new name. Not that dh wouldn't consider taking yours.

I didnt say you should change it. I said youve still got a mans name either way.

Its a name thats been passed down to you because "misogyny" but that's ok right?

Having your dads name (even though that name being passed to you in it itself a product of misogyny) is fine.

But taking your dhs (arguably also misogynistic) through your own free will is not fine ?

Why??

Just explain what you mean. In simple terms.

You said you couldn't agree on a name. As in a new name. Not that dh wouldn't consider taking yours.

Wtf?

Ah right so were absolutely fine in being owned by daddy but not hubby. I see.

FFS. It’s like arguing with custard.

I havent said your name should be changed.

I havent said his shouldn't either.

@Plantpot, you’ve reached the same conclusion as me - the logical one - but apparently we’re both wrong.

Ah right so were absolutely fine in being owned by daddy but not hubby. I see.

Owned?

I’ve never been owned by anyone.