To not want daughter going to a wood by herself?

[Vellia]

Dd is 16. We live in a town with lots of countryside/footpaths at close proximity. About a 15 minute walk away from our house, you get to the edge of some farmers’ fields. If you walk down the side of one of these you find yourself in a lovely small wood. At the moment the bluebells are out and it’s absolutely magical.

Over Easter, dd and I have gone for a walk in this wood most mornings before she starts revising (I work in a school so have school holidays off). But in a few weeks’ time she’ll be off school on pre-GCSE study leave while I’ll be working.

She’s said in passing that she’s going to go for a walk in the woods at the start of each day to get herself in the right frame of mind for revision.

I feel rather uncomfortable about this as the wood is a significant distance away from the road & any houses. Definitely out of ear-shot. And the wood is never very busy - we rarely bump into more than one or two people, mostly dog walkers; often it’s entirely empty apart from us.

AIBU to think it would be unwise for dd to go walking there by herself? Would I be unreasonable to tell her she can’t?

why risk walking alone in a secluded place.
Because it's lovely. Unless you've been brought up to be shitting yourself with fear the whole time, presumably.

“the reality is the risk is there“.

Tiny risks.

We should be able to walk alone in beautiful places, but the reality is the risk is there.

You're much more at risk of falling and hitting your head or twisting your ankle than you are of being attacked.

I live in the countryside - I'd never be able to go anywhere if I didn't walk alone! The risk to my safety from an attack of some description is absolutely minuscule. I'm more likely to trip over my own two feet than anything else!

I often run along a path that might be considered quite lonely and isolated. Ive never once felt threatened or in danger. Actually the thing that concerns me more than being attacked is injuring myself, but I have my phone with me at all times.

I do vary the times and the route slightly just to be on the safe side, but that's just common sense IMO.

I would be reluctant to let my DD do this, but I think it's cos Ive watched too many episodes of "Midsomer Murders" .

Really in two minds. Everything everyone is saying about how it’s healthy, good for her, she ought to be free to go where she wants to are absolutely right. But I’d be a bit anxious too.
Has she ever learned any self defence techniques? A phone is only any use once you’ve manage to fight someone off. Might be worth consideration?
My 25 year old daughter walks to work 3 miles, some of it along a poorly lit, fairly empty ring road at 6am, so dark in winter and I worry a bit about that. You never stop worrying.

You never stop worrying

True. You (general you) shouldn't let it show though or forbid your teenagers from going out alone places though.

Oh I should also, add the reason I started running this way is because of all the sexist abuse I got from male car drivers when running on the road. This was in broad daylight in a busy, built up area. I actually feel safer on the path.

Would this thread have attracted as much attention if it had been OPs 16yo son wanting to go swimming in the summer? Accidental drowning is way, way, way more common than getting raped and murdered by a stranger in the woods and 80% of victims are male.
It doesn't get as widely reported though, I think because:
Crime sells more papers than accidental death.
Women getting murdered sells more than men getting murdered.
But it has to be the right kind: the 2 women/week DV victims are not naice enough and the perpetrators not bogeyman-scary enough. Getting murdered by a stranger sells more
Young attractive female victims sell more
Victims who have been raped as well as murdered sell most of all. The stranger rape/murder combo is media gold.
Particularly if the murderer is not caught quickly, or is never found....oooohhh the bogeyman is still out there! Lock up your daughters!

I am laughing at peoples suggestions of "get a dog" oh yeah it two months when needed you'll have it trained etc, don't worry about if you have the time or want a dog...

The hysteria on this post is ridiculous and @chocolatelog you're basically saying no one is safe to walk anywhere

No I would not want my daughter doing this, nor would I do it myself. Having a phone makes no difference if you’re being attacked.

Didn’t know that about drowning and young men - is this in open water?

powershowerforanhour

“Would this thread have attracted as much attention if it had been OPs 16yo son wanting to go swimming in the summer?”

Depends where. Wild swimming, I’d be terrified.
Well that’s that then, I’m officially a wimp 😁

it's a fucking woods what the hell could she possibly be missing out on.

A good frame of mind for revision, as she herself has said?
Fresh air, exercise.
The mental and emotional well-being benefits of being out in nature.

Limekiwi

Is it still actually possible to forbid 16 year old teenagers from doing anything? Blimey, good luck with mine to anyone who’d care to try. PHSE has done a very good job with human rights teaching 😂

Do she have friends revising nearby, as it might be fun to have a walk with a friend and give you more reassurance? Agree we’re terrible at risk assessment...

YABU !!!

Exactly Langrish, they do what they bloody like anyway!

@DarlingNikita you can get all that from your garden.

I wouldn't worry about it. Have been walking on my own in woods, countryside, mountains etc for over 40 years. I rarely meet anyone else other than other walkers and in all that time the only untoward events have been being flashed at twice, on both occasions where the woods/ mountains in question were less than 20 yards away from a car park. Personally I found it unnerving but not threatening, although I can understand that others would feel differently to me.

On the other hand I have groped, grabbed, pinned against a tube station wall and followed by a car - all in urban locations where there were plenty of other people nearby or likely to come round the corner at any moment.

All the stats show that rural crime is much lower than urban crime.

You cannot live your life in fear of something that might never happen.

“Is it still actually possible to forbid 16 year old teenagers from doing anything? “

Er, yes it is.,

you can get all that from your garden.

That rather depends on your garden.

Anyway, I'm about to head out to the local bluebell Woods by myself. Well, I'll have a hyperactive spaniel with me but he'll be bog all use in any kind of emergency.

“Is it still actually possible to forbid 16 year old teenagers from doing anything? “

Er, yes it is.,

How do you see that working if you aren't there to stop them going out or see that they've gone out?

Holy moly @diecryhate
It’s like something from Line of Duty

OP, I sympathise a lot but I would have to grit my teeth and let her go.

Here’s something I —my toddler— found out about my iPhone yesterday:

If you repeatedly press the side button and home button again and again in rapid succession it lets out an alarm and a 3s countdown to 999.

Worth knowing.

@Pa1oma so you'd never go anywhere alone then? Because you're at much more risk crossing the road or walking around town!