To not want daughter going to a wood by herself?

[Vellia]

Dd is 16. We live in a town with lots of countryside/footpaths at close proximity. About a 15 minute walk away from our house, you get to the edge of some farmers’ fields. If you walk down the side of one of these you find yourself in a lovely small wood. At the moment the bluebells are out and it’s absolutely magical.

Over Easter, dd and I have gone for a walk in this wood most mornings before she starts revising (I work in a school so have school holidays off). But in a few weeks’ time she’ll be off school on pre-GCSE study leave while I’ll be working.

She’s said in passing that she’s going to go for a walk in the woods at the start of each day to get herself in the right frame of mind for revision.

I feel rather uncomfortable about this as the wood is a significant distance away from the road & any houses. Definitely out of ear-shot. And the wood is never very busy - we rarely bump into more than one or two people, mostly dog walkers; often it’s entirely empty apart from us.

AIBU to think it would be unwise for dd to go walking there by herself? Would I be unreasonable to tell her she can’t?

Most women live with men perfectly happily. Da and intimate sex offences are the minority.

Exactly. And rape and murder while walking through woods is far, far less likely than they are in co-habiting relationships.

Ergo, go for a walk. It's good for you. The risk of horrible things happening is negligable and (however good you think you are at self-defence) probaby cannot be prevented if it does happen. Just like planes falling out of the sky. So stop giving it headspace and get on with your life.

@TatianaLarina
Exactly!
whilst women in abusive relationships are at considerable risk, those of us with loving partners are more vulnerable with acquaintances or strangers.

@Rivers - that sounds terrifying! Was it in the UK?

(I stand by my earlier point that it'll do a 16yo much more good to go for the walk than if she didn't)

It all depends on whether you approach this looking at the facts, or whether you run on emotion alone. If the former, you'll let her go because it's very safe. If the latter, god help you because you must do next to nothing with your life. Don't let your daughter turn out that way.

I think the OP has left us to it😆😆

I wouldn’t like it. The fact that are “rarely any other people there” makes it less safe, not more so.

I despair for future generations if this is his they are being raised.

Oh Tatiana and Ghanagirl, it really isn't that simple. If only men (and everyone) came with labels saying 'abuser' or 'good guy' then no-one need ever be surprised when their husband / brother / son turns out to be a rapist or paedophile. The reality is that 'what, him? i just don't believe it!' is a far more normal reaction.

I'm sure your DHs really are lovely but the fact is, people not such good judges of character as we like to think we are and some very horrible people do pass as very ordinary.

And rape and murder while walking through woods is far, far less likely than they are in co-habiting relationships.

Sexual harassment, flashing and sexual assault is far far more likely in a public place than in a relationship.

Do people really not go out for walks alone?
I can't get my head round it.

Yes I really need sex offences mansplained by someone minimising the hassle women get every day as they go about their business.

@lottiegarbanzo
I wasn’t blaming victims and realise that some men are good at putting on a front initially (BIL) but was just objecting posters saying women are most at risk from their partner.
Some are but definitely not all.

But if we just stop "going about our business" then who wins?

Men sexually harass. Unfortunately it's just what they do. Not all of them but more than anyone wants to admit. Do we just stop going to pubs, parks, shops, resteraunts, clubs, the gym, exercise classes, the swimming pool?

Do we just stop living? No. We do what we want and we don't cower indoors scared of the big bad men.

Has anyone said we should stop going out?

Well flashing is by definition a public offense.

But all offences by people occur where there are people. Chances of OP's daughter experiencing sexual assault are indeed far higher in a country pub than in the woods.

There might be an opportunistic flasher hanging out in the woods all day but he'd have to be very patient. He'd have more luck in an urban underpass or near a school etc.

The overwhelming likelihood is that OP's daughter will have a lovely walk by herself.

{If only men (and everyone) came with labels saying 'abuser' or 'good guy' }

Women are equally likely to be 'unpleasant' but in a different manner. Emotional blackmail, lying, fabricating etc.
I have been emotionally, physically and financially attacked, all by women.

Has anyone said we should stop going out?

They've certainly said we shouldn't go wherever we want to.

@TatianaLarina

Going for a walk in a park or in the countryside should be part of everyday life, but this thread is full of hysteric woman trying to say you should not go walking in the countryside. So yes... a lot of people are saying we shouldn't go about our business.

I hate the word hysteric but in this case it seems suitable.

Chances of OP's daughter experiencing sexual assault are indeed far higher in a country pub than in the woods.

A point I’ve already made. ^

Flashing’s not that common in the country but it’s fairly run of the mill in London.

Has anyone said we should stop going out?

People are saying that they wouldn't go for walks in the countryside/woods by themselves, or walk home alone on an evening.
Where does that stop?
If you start thinking like that you'd be too scared to go anywhere.

Ghanagirl, the statsitical average is that women are far more at risk from a partner. Yes there will be a lot of variation within that. But we are all rather bad at assessing risk from people we know.

No way would I let my daughters go on her own. I wouldn't go on my own and I'm an adult.

We live in a small market town and there's a well known woods here, there's a flasher up there that stalks women/girls. A young girl has been raped there and another raped 300 years from my house on a cycle track that runs through a housing estate.
It's simply not safe for anyone to be walking alone in a woods and if you think it is then your a fool.

When I was a little girl there was fields and woods near where I lived, I wasn't allowed to go there but I did anyway and I was around 6. My god I cringe when I think about the dangers now and what could of happened to me and I would go absolutely fucking mad if my kids did that.

People can say it's rare all they want. But what if your child is raped and murdered? Ain't no point in crying and mourning them once there gone. Seriously people it's a fucking woods what the hell could she possibly be missing out on. Give ya heads a wobble fgs.

But also, to be in a position to form healthy relationships and make sensible judgements based on the information available, we need to have practice at assessing situations, people and risk.

A big concern I have about the blanket 'you shall not walk in the woods' approach is that it prevents the 16yo from developing good critical thinking, risk assessment and decision-making capabilities.

Obviously if a specific area is known for sex attacks, etc that's different. But specific areas aside I feel safe on my own in isolated areas.

Chocolatelog How on earth do you stop a SIXTEEN year old from going out alone?
At that age they make their own way to college and back for goodness sake.
(Unless you ferry them around door to door everywhere in the car.)
You just instill in them common sense and to risk assess, not scare the bejeezus out of them with bogeymen lurking in the woods and forbid them from going.