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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that some mumsnetters....

83 replies

Gettingthroughthedays · 25/04/2019 22:43

...shouldn't be so bloody horrible? I'm quite sure everyone can give a different opinion without being nasty.

Who does that help? No one. And unless you want to help, why comment unless you enjoy hurting others? If that's the case maybe YOU need some help. Of the professional kind.

I'm almost certain no I've speaks to others like that in real life... unless they have a very lonely one.

People ask for advice because they have a problem, whether you agree or not.

Rant over.

OP posts:
Original poster
Gettingthroughthedays · 26/04/2019 00:21

*messing! Ffs. I'm going to bed Grin

OP posts:
Callywalls · 26/04/2019 00:22

There is a particular poster on mumsnet who persistently attacks other people for no reason at all - I once made a totally innocent comment and she came down on me like a tonne of bricks - I was really taken aback. Since then I have noticed her on loads of other threads and she always attacks other people, like she is just goading them for a row, usually totally unwarranted, she obviously gets great pleasure from it. I am not the only one who has taken note of her as I have recently seen other people comment to her that she is "at it again".

Oceanbliss · 26/04/2019 00:22

'Making up crap that posters haven't actually said is pathetic.'
Agree with you ImNotHappyaboutitPauline. It seems to be a typical strategy to derail a thread. Coincidentally, gaslighighting abusive pricks use that strategy too.

Original poster
Gettingthroughthedays · 26/04/2019 00:23

And someone please tell me what TAATs are lol!

OP posts:
Iamnotagoddess · 26/04/2019 00:24

Thread About A Thread

goldenchicken · 26/04/2019 00:27

Oh yeah, some awful people on here, and i swear they do it for a reaction. And as has been said, they wouldn't talk to people like this irl.

I posted on a thread earlier where someone was saying they find it odd that occasionally they get a visitor who brings their own snacks and drinks. I said I do because I visit several vegans and they don't provide non-vegan snacks. I have no desire to eat their vegan food, and so I take my own snacks. I also don't want a hot drink with disgusting soy milk, so I take myself a drink.

Cue about half a dozen arsey, snarky remarks from several posters demanding to know why I don't take all the amazing, wonderful vegan snacks on offer, and that I was a fucking idiot, and just how DARE I expect vegans to provide non-vegan food. I was only talking about how nice it would be if the vegans I know would buy a packet of mcvities chocolate biscuits, or some custard creams, as maybe I would like something other than vegan food...

But noooooo, what a bastard I am saying I find it a bit unreasonable that vegans expect special treatment and special food buying, but I am a cunt for expecting the same.

Then along came the predictable bollocks remark.......

'you sound like hard work...' Wink

The temptation to tell them to go fuck themselves was off the scale.

But I didn't. They're not worth it. 🙄

And I agree with @Callywalls it's often the same names who have to argue and post comments to flame, and wind people up too. Sometimes when someone posts a thread about a certain issue or thing that's bothering them, I think 'the usual 4 or 5 posters with their typical negative, goady remarks will be along soon.' And they never fail to deliver. Wink Sooooo predictable.

ImNotHappyaboutitPauline · 26/04/2019 00:28

The whole lot of them seem to be derailing mumsnet from being a supportive network of parents. And reporting posts sometimes works but sometimes it just ends up shutting down an entire thread which is probably a goal for these derailers

I agree and unfortunately MNHQ on one hand is reluctant to have anything but the lightest of light moderation yet on the other, completely shuts down or deletes threads when the issues might have been better addressed by posting a warning on the thread or deleting (or even banning) posters who are being deliberately cruel.

Ultimately it's up to MN and obviously the powers that be are content with the site as is. And of course it's free, none of us are obliged to be here, we're the product not the customer etc etc but I do think it's a pity that what used to be a hugely informative, supportive and even influential site has now become just another forum for "s/he who shouts the loudest". There are still some good topics/threads and some interesting and supportive posters but you have to wade through an awful lot of spite and bilge to find them these days...

Oceanbliss · 26/04/2019 00:28

Gettingthroughthedays I hope she's ok too.

jessicawessica · 26/04/2019 00:31

I started a thread then got accused of attention seeking so stopped posting.
It does seem as though there are some people who just go round threads looking to be bitchy.

Sabrinatheteenagebitchx · 26/04/2019 00:34

Seems like the majority of mumsnetters hate men.
Even when someone posts something about a trivial argument they had like whos taking the bins out, Mumsnetters are straight there like DUMP HIM NOW IMMEDIATELY!!!

I don't post about my relationship anymore for that reason. No matter how big or small the situation is everyone says to end it straight away without a second thought.

Original poster
Gettingthroughthedays · 26/04/2019 00:42

@goldenchicken then you may have the same people attacking you for NOT bringing your own snacks!

I think mumsnet is great. I know there will be people who enjoy being unkind but overall it's a great site and I have changed my opinion on a couple of things because of different comments that had a view I didn't consider before.

Thank you pp for explaining what TAAT was, it's genuinely not that however if it's reported as such I'm fine with that because the majority of posts have been refreshing to read and shows it's only a minority who behave in this way.

OP posts:
goldenchicken · 26/04/2019 00:54

LOL you're probably right OP! If I had said I don't take my own snacks, then THAT would have been 'wrong!'

As I said, some people just love to goad and bait.

There are some fab people there though, and some funny people. Very few GFs compared to the decent ones!!!

Original poster
Gettingthroughthedays · 26/04/2019 01:00

Sorry what does GFs mean Blush. I'd be more than happy if someone could point me in the direction of all the abbreviations!

I wanted to post about this a few nights ago but was too scared then I just thought, f it lol. Hope to see you lovely people on other threads x

OP posts:
StillCoughingandLaughing · 26/04/2019 01:02

I was only talking about how nice it would be if the vegans I know would buy a packet of mcvities chocolate biscuits, or some custard creams, as maybe I would like something other than vegan food... But noooooo, what a bastard I am saying I find it a bit unreasonable that vegans expect special treatment and special food buying, but I am a cunt for expecting the same.

But it IS a bit of a weird expectation; certainly if they’re vegan for moral reasons. Why would you expect them to buy dairy products just for you? Do you have some moral objection to vegetables that you reluctantly put aside when you need to cater for vegan friends? No, thought not.

jessicawessica · 26/04/2019 01:03

Goady Fuckers

jessicawessica · 26/04/2019 01:04

I rest my case.

goldenchicken · 26/04/2019 01:10

See OP. ^ The poster right there at 1.02am. As jessica said... 'I rest my case.'

grumbblingmiss · 26/04/2019 01:11

'If you can't say anything nice, don't say nothing at all' that's what I was always told

goldenchicken · 26/04/2019 01:12

No matter what you say, a goady fucker comes along and DEMANDS you explain to them why you think what you do, or why you said what you did.

Good job I owe these nobodies NO fucking explanation doesn't it?! Wink

StillCoughingandLaughing · 26/04/2019 01:23

See OP. ^ The poster right there at 1.02am. As jessica said... 'I rest my case.'

I rest mine too. Why post if you’re going to moan that anyone disagreeing with you is ‘arsey’ or a ‘goady fucker’? It’s ridiculous.

goldenchicken · 26/04/2019 01:27

@StillCoughingandLaughing

it IS a bit of a weird expectation; certainly if they’re vegan for moral reasons. Why would you expect them to buy dairy products just for you? Do you have some moral objection to vegetables that you reluctantly put aside when you need to cater for vegan friends? No, thought not.

YES, I 'expect them to buy dairy products for me' because I buy vegan stuff and soy milk for THEM. I am not expecting them to cook a fucking cow for me, stuffed with 10 chickens, and slathered with duck goose. Just a pack of chocolate digestives will do. I'll even take my own bloody coffee mate if they can't be arsed to buy a pint of bloody cows milk in so I can have a decent hot drink that doesn't have shitty soy milk in it!

Being vegans though, they think the world revolves around them, and that only THEIR beliefs and choices matter, and sod everyone else. What about MY choices? I suppose you think only the vegans rights and beliefs and choices are important eh? Yeah, thought so! Hmm

goldenchicken · 26/04/2019 01:28

@StillCoughingandLaughing

it IS a bit of a weird expectation; certainly if they’re vegan for moral reasons. Why would you expect them to buy dairy products just for you? Do you have some moral objection to vegetables that you reluctantly put aside when you need to cater for vegan friends? No, thought not.

YES, I 'expect them to buy dairy products for me' because I buy vegan stuff and soy milk for THEM. I am not expecting them to cook a fucking cow for me, stuffed with 10 chickens, and slathered with goose fat. Just a pack of chocolate digestives will do. I'll even take my own bloody coffee mate if they can't be arsed to buy a pint of bloody cows milk in so I can have a decent hot drink that doesn't have shitty soy milk in it!

Being vegans though, they think the world revolves around them, and that only THEIR beliefs and choices matter, and sod everyone else. What about MY choices? I suppose you think only the vegans rights and beliefs and choices are important eh? Yeah, thought so! Hmm

TheFastandCurious · 26/04/2019 05:39

I came off here for a year when I discovered I was 20 weeks pregnant with an unplanned baby despite being meticulous with contraception (depo shot)

She would be my 4th and I was worried how I’d cope but asked very politely “please could nobody else suggest adoption as I am happily married and that’s just not an option”

The two people who suggested it went nuts and one said “don’t ask for opinions then be a fucking cunt about it”

They got deleted and other posters stuck up for me but then I got a P.M from the person asking if my username at the time related to where I worked!! (It didn’t)

I’ve returned but I always bear in mind there are real people on every thread.

The ‘unpopular opinions’ thread interests me. I’ve joined it for the largely interesting and often funny ones but I don’t understand WHY you’d post the opinions that you KNOW someone will be offended by. Why does hurting people bring pleasure to some people.

I agree OP

Shutuptodd · 26/04/2019 05:49

A few years ago I posted about my abusive partner of 10yrs I was at breaking point. I got the usual why did you breed with this man and also accused of not loving my children because he resented them. It was in relationships and not aibu. If those comments were today I would just ignore them but the state i was in back then they really affected me.

On the plus side there are some amazing people on here who gave me the strength to leave. So it's not all bad.

TheFastandCurious · 26/04/2019 05:54

Well done for getting out shutuptodd Flowers