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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that some mumsnetters....

83 replies

Gettingthroughthedays · 25/04/2019 22:43

...shouldn't be so bloody horrible? I'm quite sure everyone can give a different opinion without being nasty.

Who does that help? No one. And unless you want to help, why comment unless you enjoy hurting others? If that's the case maybe YOU need some help. Of the professional kind.

I'm almost certain no I've speaks to others like that in real life... unless they have a very lonely one.

People ask for advice because they have a problem, whether you agree or not.

Rant over.

OP posts:
Marlena1 · 25/04/2019 23:30

Ooops wrong thread sorry!

FreshAprilStart · 25/04/2019 23:32

@Marlena1

Eh? Did I miss something?

Stinkycatbreath · 25/04/2019 23:33

Agree wholeheartedly. The worst is this sort of aggressive answering with a question such as whe n an Op is asking a heartfelt question about their relationship somebody would pipe up with "Did you not think of this before you married him" ? Making nasty comments appears to be easier than saying nothing at all.

Original poster
Gettingthroughthedays · 25/04/2019 23:33

Sorry auntiestella but I said 'some'. If I thought people were all 'bitches' I wouldn't be here.

Ironic I'm being slammed for a post hoping we could all just have a think before posting something uncalled for/ not nice.

OP posts:
FreshAprilStart · 25/04/2019 23:33

Haha. I read the whole post back twice wondering how that post came about Wink

Sparklingbrook · 25/04/2019 23:36

I think some posters never venture any further than the AIBU topic (which it has been suggested should be renamed 'Petty Gripes). It's a shame because MN Talk is so much bigger than that.

CarolDanvers · 25/04/2019 23:36

Ah the "we just tell it straight" defence from naiceviper.

I preferred the original post.

PassMeTheWine · 25/04/2019 23:39

They wouldn't speak to people like that in the real world.
I'd bet my house on it!

Mumsnet is a place they feel important and can be anonymous bullies Hmm

AuntieStella · 25/04/2019 23:43

Perhaps you didn't realise there's quite a history of these kind of threads?

CarolDanvers · 25/04/2019 23:44

So?

hellenbackagen · 25/04/2019 23:46

Totally agree

Here is a thread by a poster unexpectedly pg .

Some of the replies are sadistic. Plain fucking vile . No support just telling her she must have an abortion. One even said it separated the wheat from the chaff.

Unbelievable and unbearable to read. Unsurprisingly op has gone .

I started a thread asking where the mn I joined in 2007 had gone for this very reason.

NaiceViper · 25/04/2019 23:47

Yes, of course!

MN is quite distinctive in that it is a place where women don't have to be nice all the time

And that is important at a time of gender polarisation, and deeply ingrained stereotyping

Agree with posters who say that nastiness should be dealt with on the thread in question, not on a demonising TAAT

(that's weird - I typed 'sermonising' but keyboard changed it for me - think it's choice works just as well)

ImNotHappyaboutitPauline · 25/04/2019 23:47

There's quite a history of all kinds of threads AuntieStella, do you post that on threads about travel systems, weaning, how much do you spend on the weekly shop etc?

EdithWeston · 25/04/2019 23:49

"Some of the replies are sadistic. Plain fucking vile"

They need to be reported and dealt with on the thread. Complaining later sn't going make a whit of difference, as those posters may not see the TAATs.

ImNotHappyaboutitPauline · 25/04/2019 23:52

Naice if you think it's a TAAT (I don't) then you're free to report.

Btw I think it's ridiculous to argue that the viciousness some posters have experienced is some kind of pushback against gender polarisation and stereotyping Confused.

CarolDanvers · 25/04/2019 23:55

Btw I think it's ridiculous to argue that the viciousness some posters have experienced is some kind of pushback against gender polarisation and stereotyping .

Agree, what utter bullshit!

Original poster
Gettingthroughthedays · 25/04/2019 23:56

Sorry auntiestella I'm relatively new so haven't seen the same post but I'm sure quite a lot are duplicated given the number of members.

My only point was I understand people have strong options on certain things but it wouldn't be so harsh if they expressed them while also saying something constructive or what's the point? Surely no one really feels happy bringing another person down.

I apologise if I'm going over old ground I just saw a few things that I thought were really out of order and unnecessary plus potentially devastating for the person in question.

Agree to disagree, just don't bully.

OP posts:
AuntieStella · 25/04/2019 23:57

Indeed there is!

It's one of the joys of MN to recognise the old perennial threads.

Not quite so much joy when it's the (totally deliberate to undermine) 'you're all bitches' paradigm.
(I suppose it's a legacy like that of the poo troll. It means no poo thread will be read without a sceptical eyebrow raise)

MNHQ does act on reports. There are better ways of dealing with troublesome posters than by TAATs.

ilovesooty · 25/04/2019 23:57

Why is it not in the spirit of the thread to suggest that if you see unpleasant personal attacks you should report them?

Original poster
Gettingthroughthedays · 25/04/2019 23:57

Sorry, what are TAATs?

OP posts:
Original poster
Gettingthroughthedays · 26/04/2019 00:02

Was that aimed at me 'totally deliberate to undermine'? I'm afraid that's not the case at all. You do not know me and have made a huge assumption based on... I'm not sure what.

I don't think I've said anything terrible but please correct me if I'm wrong.

OP posts:
ImNotHappyaboutitPauline · 26/04/2019 00:05

The only one who's trotted out "you're all bitches" is you AuntieStella. The Op specifically refers to SOME mumsnetters, it's right up there in the thread title, you clicked on it so you must have seen it! So if you're not one of the mumsnetters she and other posters are referring to then it's not actually about you and it's odd that you seem to be so offended by the threads existence.

Again, if you think it's a TAAT then report it, otherwise no one is forcing you to read. Making up crap that posters haven't actually said is pathetic.

Oceanbliss · 26/04/2019 00:11

I remember a thread by a young girl who was quite advanced in her pregnancy but had been hiding it from her family etc. She came across as very frightened and really needed some support and guidance. While there was some great responses that supported her and advised her, the entire thread was peppered with nasty comments and accusations. Eventually, mnhq got involved. They posted a message that pointed her in the right direction for support. Then they advised that they were shutting down the thread and said that mumsnet was more suited to adults. My thoughts on that are what a shame, I think mn is for parents and expecting parents, regardless of age. Maybe the vicious and nasty posts make it unsuitable for young and vulnerable parents to join a community of support. Makes me sad and frustrated. There are loads of decent human beings on here who post normal responses (even when they disagree, can do it without laying the boot in), but there are way too many sadistic little bullies incessantly posting nasty insults, assumptions and derailing comments. The whole lot of them seem to be derailing mumsnet from being a supportive network of parents. And reporting posts sometimes works but sometimes it just ends up shutting down an entire thread which is probably a goal for these derailers. Angry

Original poster
Gettingthroughthedays · 26/04/2019 00:20

Thanks Imnothsppysboutitpauline and oceanvbliss (that sounds awful for that young woman, I hope she's ok)

Sorry Naice but my post wasn't gender specific. From my limited time on here I know men post too. Being female does not give anyone any more right to be nasty than it does a male.

It's not about gender, it's about being a decent person.

OP posts:
Original poster
Gettingthroughthedays · 26/04/2019 00:21

Sorry imnothappysboutitpauline for needing your user name up Blush

OP posts: