Men who half-aeroplane and splash in lane swimming

[Stormei]

Am I the only one who has a special rage for this? One guy has started coming exactly the same time, in front crawl he practically straightens his arm out to the side in huge circles before flopping it with a splash in the water. Imagine someone pretending to be an aeroplane with one arm only. He raises it and scoops half the pool up. If you pass him when doing backstroke it’s fucking unnerving as his hand will pass over your nose. And he’ll scoop at ton of water in the process onto your face.

His legs make a rage inducing whump as you pass too. He seems to speed up just exactly to irritate, so every fucking pool end he tries to get in front of you however you alter to pace. I tried today to just carry on my course and he still barrels to the same spot, he actually barged me today. He arrived and 7 women were swimming, he forced 5 out into the main area as usual with this.

Aibu to want pools to have an extra lane for splashy men with poor technique and erratic bursts of speed (though they may not have this without women in the lane). I swear he does the same number of damn laps as me somehow with his pausing, splashing and up and down speed. It can have a picture of an aeroplane position on it. Men who remain on their side of the lane and maintain a speed obviously can stay in the main lane. Maybe they could watch people queue at the front desk and their manners and give out arm bands for this lane or something...

Can't you start doing butterfly then he'll have to get out of your way.

Ugh we need a whole swimming pool rants thread.

I’m slow, so I swim in the slow lane. I am getting bloody sick of the tutting and sighing from people going faster than me. Our pool has medium and fast lanes too. If you’re getting annoyed at the slow fat lady (that’s me!) in the SLOW lane then piss off into your own lane

Would be nice! I hate the competitive men trying to race past you after going super slow for most of the lap. Total dickheads.

Best place I ever swam had lanes based on your 100m split times. And the lifeguards policed them, moving pretty much exclusively blokes people to their best matched lane. Pity I moved jobs, I miss that pool!

@LittleElle the lane today was 5 slow women and 2 medium, all cracking on fine. But of course 5 women felt pushed out by one medium erratic space taker. I totally agree that people have a right to swim slow. I only learnt last year and it was a nightmare due to moaners. It took a lot of confidence.

I haven’t actually tried butterfly Tbh, but I’m up for it.

In bursts

When he passes

Looks like a belly flop repeated while aeroplaning right..?WHUMPPP

I've experienced similar to this. I tried varying the times I went but no one stuck to the right lanes and there was almost always a guy someone splooshing like a dick. Your guy sounds worse though. If he's noticeably barging people and causing several swimmers to leave the lanes, then staff should be speaking to him.

Just as bad are the boomers who stand talking shite in the pool, occasionally pottering along in a group, looking shocked when people actually swimming want past. They stink of hairspray and ruin everyone else’s swim, dominating the entire space.

Ugh. Sounds like manspreading in swim form. Is there a women only session or anything?

I think it’s the sideways spreading front crawl that has really sent me over the edge. Who the hell does front crawl with their arms extending out? And just lets them flop onto the water

Maybe I’m missing a trick as it must burn a shit ton of calories

I, like a number of women, swim while we take our kids to lessons. Two lanes have lessons and one is left to swim in. It’s full of women mainly at this time after school. And the harpooned walrus.

There’s probably a better time, but it’s convenient

Yess! In fact, I was so peeved off the last time that I've yet to back- 5 weeks ago! My bag is packed and ready to go but I just get the rage each time I think about it.
This guy does a weird corkscrew arm out of the water and slaps it down. He takes up so much of the lane and does not care at all! He goes at erratic paces- either super fast or slows right down- it's so frustrating. The lanes work well otherwise, but like you OP, I swim whilst my child has a lesson and that's when he's there. I've taken to going for a coffee instead but I do want to get back in the pool.

Lol, is he at a place with the initials CLC or are their loads of them

Not quite the same but on holiday last year I watched a chap doing "lengths" of the swim-up pool shared by about 6 rooms. From the room it sounded like someone one drowning in the pool.

What he was doing was pushing off, slapping out four strokes of a very dubious front crawl and then stopping at the other end for a rest. I overhead him telling someone else that he'd done 50 laps of the pool every morning. No he hadn't, he'd done 'push-slap-slap-slap-slap-rest' repeated.

I think there should be a special lane for those women who do crappy front crawl that doesn’t get their hair wet.

No- there must be a few of them!

There's always a man who can't bear to be swimming slower than a woman...

I'm a breaststroke swimmer and it's even more humiliating (apparently) when I can swim breaststroke faster than those attempting their version of crawl. That really brings out the whirligig arms!

This drives me crazy!!!!!!! Men in the 50-60 age bracket seem particularly bad for it. Like they think they own the pool or at least their own lane! I smacked straight into a guy on purpose who was being a total tosser and near swimming down the middle of the lane. He looked so pissed off, but he did stick to the left from then on. I also saw a punch up between two guys over “lane eights” so to speak at 6am!! Ridiculous!!!!

Brightoink sounds like he might be doing interval training - go hard, rest, go hard. Good for fitness and killing calories.

Men who remain on their side of the lane.... can stay in the main lane

Where can these mythical creatures be observed?

I hate this!

Also men who stop at the end of the pool and may their arms along the edge so you get arm when you turn instead of getting poolside!

So many men can't cope with fast women.

My town has two pools. One of them has a normal fast, medium, slow lane set up. I'm fairly consistently fast lane unless it's a very unusual set of swimmers when I might sit as fastest in the medium lane. We all stop and let people past etc, all good.

The other has the potential for 8 lanes but helpfully has one tiny fast lane, then three giant lanes 2-3x width with no speed suggestions. The fast lane is mainly used here by sprint swimmers so I'm not really fast enough - I am just about but I would annoy them. So instead I have to navigate a Mish mash of two abreast swimmers, slow splashy front crawlers, people doing incredibly slow breaststroke and people who speed up when you overtake. I don't mind people swimming slowly at all, I just wish we all had separate lanes as it's annoying for everyone really.

Tell him!! Stop him and tell him his swimming technique is seriously affecting other swimmers near him! Like everything in life there's an etiquette - and if it's not being followed - speak up! Suggest he modifies his technique so that all can enjoy their swim or alternatively he can install a lap pool in his garden and flail away to his hearts content.

Oh God YYYY to this. i am a one side breather and if I time it incorrectly it all goes wrong.

Oh god yes. What is about men and the ducking over-dramatic splashing? Dh said ‘Olympic swimmers also splash’ and I pointed out they go three times faster than him.

I’m a poor swimmer. I’m slow and I don’t have a great technique. I’ve had lessons, have marginally improved but am still not great - its just not a good skill of mine. Its threads like this that make me nervous going in the pool as people are clearly judging me for getting in their way.

I, like others, swim when my daughter has a lesson. Its the only chance I get. Because lessons are on, the pool is about 1/2 its usual size for adult swimming. Recently I was happily pottering along the edge of the pool, swimming up and down in one lane (I like to be by the edge, as I sometimes struggle to complete a length). 2 people got in and started doing laps (so around the pool in a circle) and inevitably spent ever other lap barging into me (and no, there is no indication that you have to do laps). Made me feel really uncomfortable.

I’d be aiming for a well aimed kick of the heel next time he got too close

This bloke sounds really selfish and annoying. But I don't think there should be a minimum speed in the slow lane. Just because you're not a brilliant swimmer doesn't mean you don't get to use the pool and enjoy the exercise. I also don't see why I would have to keep stopping to let faster people go past, any more than I would expect slower people to stop for me. Just go in the right lane for you and be considerate.