Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

People bringing their own food to your house

104 replies

Catinthetwat · 25/04/2019 15:52

Is it me or is this odd behaviour?

I have a friend who brings her own drinks to my house, e.g. a can of coke in her bag.

My in-laws do it too and I can't get my head around it. It's not like bringing a gift, they bring stuff for themselves. They bring stuff they like, rather than stuff we like, so it's not a gift. Though they do attempt to offer things around sometimes.

Am I missing something? I wonder if they don't want me to buy stuff for them, but I do obviously and then just end up with twice as much because they've brought their own!

OP posts:

BastianBux · 26/04/2019 08:05

If I went to stay with someone who doesn't drink tea I would take my own tea bags.

Same.

BastianBux · 26/04/2019 08:13

It would make me think they didn’t trust me to look after them properly or they think my house is dirty.

Why would it make you think that rather than the more obvious "they really like that particular drink" ?

GuineaPiglet345 · 26/04/2019 08:16

@BastianBux because I’ve never met anyone (that I know of) who will only drink one particular drink, most people will drink what’s available.

archivearmadillo · 26/04/2019 08:26

It's funny - this is one of those threads which make you realise that there are whole swathes of people out there who think it's normal to behave in ways that whole other swathes of people think are incomprehensible/ very rude/ socially inept.

There's no actual reason I can think of why I've never encountered anyone who brings cans of fizzy drink in their bag just for themselves when visiting others, but I haven't despite being fairly old, having lived in lots of places, having teens who have friends over constantly etc etc.

Obviously it's not "only on MN" but it one of those threads which makes you aware that in some incomprehensible way most of must live in a bubble no matter how much we think we don't.

I still find this so odd. Just drink tap water. Everyone can drink tap water. Who's so dependent on coke or green tea or whatever that they carry it everywhere just in case it's not on offer?

I suppose it's another less well known parallel to the shoes on/ shoes off dichotomy...

archivearmadillo · 26/04/2019 08:28

I wonder whether those that carry specific drinks and snacks without medical reasons/ toddlers in tow also pack everything but the kitchen sink when they go on holiday... Is there a connection?

YesimstillwatchingNetflix · 26/04/2019 08:31

Apart from children with special needs, I've never met anyone who can only tolerate one particular drink.

I think it's basic manners that when you go to someone's home you accept the hospitality they offer with good grace, whether or not every aspect meets your exact personal preferences.

I'm vegetarian and sometimes there aren't a lot of options for me, but I'll just tell my host how nice the salad was and then make myself some toast or something when I get home. The idea of pulling a container of falafel just for me out of my handbag seems not only anti social because I'm not sharing it but also its really pointed criticism of my host.

Ihatehashtags · 26/04/2019 08:32

Nothing worse than a vegan!! 😂😂

TapasForTwo · 26/04/2019 08:35

archivearmadillo tap water isn't as satisfying as a cup of tea though
And OH gets hives if he drinks unboiled tap water.

aprilshowers12 · 26/04/2019 08:44

And OH gets hives if he drinks unboiled tap water.
Really?

archivearmadillo · 26/04/2019 08:47

TapasForTwo I like a good cup of tea too - I have my own tea bags at work (where nobody is hosting me and everyone makes their own drinks). However I lived for a long time in a country where tea is a herbal infusion, not a strong cup of PGtips with milk, and it would have been astonishingly rude to whip out my own tea bags and milk at other people's houses, so I drank water (or coffee in the mornings).

Why do you have to have the most satisfying drink at all times? Is nobody at all flexible? Chocolate gateau or steak and chips might be more satisfying than a salad, but surely if the person you're visiting has made a big salad for lunch you eat that rather than cook yourself the steak you've handily brought along...

TreadingThePrimrosePath · 26/04/2019 08:52

I often travelled with food and snacks, I’m vegetarian and had two children on the autistic spectrum with some food issues. Friends don’t mind, isn’t that one of the key points about friends? They aren’t arses?
For more challenging situations such as in-laws, I carried stuff I could snack on in secret, as eating only the two veg part of a meat and two veg meal left me protein deficient and hungry.

TapasForTwo · 26/04/2019 08:57

Why do you have to have the most satisfying drink at all times?

In my case, at work, tea is the only drink that hits the spot. We have cold air conditioned offices and I never fancy a cold drink. I would get dehydrated if I didn't drink tea as I never feel thirsty at work. And tea just hits the spot as well as hydrates me.

TreadingThePrimrosePath · 26/04/2019 09:10

I can put up with most things for a short visit, harder if it’s overnight or longer. It’s also easier being female, I can eat before I go, pick delicately at a small plate and everyone admires my restraint!

YesimstillwatchingNetflix · 26/04/2019 09:13

@TapasForTwo there's a difference between having what you like to eat & drink at work 8 hours 5 days a week and spending a few hours at a friends house.

applesarerroundandshiny · 26/04/2019 09:18

I always have a drink and snack in my bag. I tend to be a busy person on days when I'm not at work and don't like to get too hungry / thirsty. If I was offered a drink I'd accept but I would never expect any body else to feed me, I think that's really cheeky.

Examples, if I visited my parents to take some shopping up etc, if it was late afternoon I'd probably buy cakes for all but if I hadn't had my lunch I'd get some in the shop and eat it at my parents house. I'd make them food if they hadn't eaten but I wouldn't take their food myself. I may eat a cereal bar out of my bag at a friend's.

And no I wouldn't sit and eat in the car before I went in - what a waste of time.

RiversDisguise · 26/04/2019 09:19

I only drink red tea and water. I always have red tea bags with me as few people have it. I have never known anyone get arsey about it and cannot imagine why they should. Hospitality means making your guests comfortable, not controlling everything they drink!

applesarerroundandshiny · 26/04/2019 09:19

Oh and if I'm staying overnight I always have sneaky snacks in my bag as again I would feel very cheeky asking for supper if it was just me that was hungry.

BastianBux · 26/04/2019 09:23

DP refuses to drink water straight from the tap. He bottles the tap-water and then puts it in the fridge or freezer for a bit, then drinks it. We have multiple bottles in the fridge at all times.
My old friend was like this too, only ice-water, said tap-water straight from the tap was horrible. But then this friend would wake up in the morning and drink Coke before even having breakfast, so

TheTitOfTheIceberg · 26/04/2019 09:54

If I'm just popping in to see a friend or relative for a couple of hours and they don't have my preferred drink (unlikely TBH as I'm happy to drink tap water so long as it's cold, and I'll tolerate it if it's lukewarm) I'll either decline politely or accept the least worse option and drink it. I can put up with the minor 'discomfort' of not having my favourite drink if it means not offending someone I presumably care about and making them happy they've been able to be a good host. For example my aunt only ever has in orange squash. I don't particularly like orange squash but drinking one glass when she offers it isn't going to kill me!

I struggle to understand people who won't put themselves out in small ways to be a considerate guest. I use the mantra "in six months time, will this matter?" to try not to sweat the small stuff, and having to drink a glass of tap water once in a while rather than your preferred green tea picked by unicorns at the full moon is definitely not going to matter in six months time!

Damntheman · 26/04/2019 09:54

My best friend always has a snack and some pepsi in her bag. This is because I never have fizzy drinks in the house, or at least very rarely, and she knows this. And snacks because she eats very little but often and doesn't want to be so rude as to eat all my food while she's here. It's totally fine!

I also have a friend who brings his own coffee because he likes this one particularly expensive brand and doesn't want me to have to buy it just for him. I find that considerate.

When I'm visiting people I take my own tea because the Norwegian idea of 'tea' is shocking and disgusting :p Nobody has objected yet! It's not weird at all.

AlphaJura · 26/04/2019 10:04

Me and dp often bring a can of beer to friends houses as they might not drink alcohol we like and we wouldn't expect them to go out and get what we drink. If we know they'll drink the same beers we'll get more to offer round but if we know it's not their tipple (which is why we're bringing our own) theres no point in offering it. None of my friends would be offended by this.

I know what you mean about some people's washing up. The state of some of my dad's cups and glasses were a bit off putting and I didn't want to drink out of them. We got round it by me having a particular glass of his that only I used and when I was round there and when I was finished with it I used to go and wash it up in the kitchen ready for next time 😂. He wasn't bothered.

goose1964 · 26/04/2019 10:09

Who ever said that you couldn't get any effects from tap water was wrong. I used to get an upset stomach when I went to my Grans' they lived in a hard water area and I lived in a soft water area but over the years I acclimatised. Now my DiL has a similar problem as our water gives her headaches. We buy in bottled water as it doesn't affect her

AlphaJura · 26/04/2019 10:10

I don't particularly like tap water, never have. I'd rather go without than drink that. I also prefer tea but if I'm not sure they've got the tea bags I like or make it how I like it, I opt for coffee. I know it's no hardship to put yourself out for a bit but if I was hosting, I'd rather someone was honest and brought their preferred drink than to find out later on that they never really liked what I was giving them and were silently not enjoying it! Then next time I knew they were coming, I could get it in for them.

BastianBux · 26/04/2019 10:14

And snacks because she eats very little but often and doesn't want to be so rude as to eat all my food while she's here. It's totally fine!

I also have a friend who brings his own coffee because he likes this one particularly expensive brand and doesn't want me to have to buy it just for him. I find that considerate.

Agreed this is considerate of them

TapasForTwo · 26/04/2019 11:42

@TapasForTwo there's a difference between having what you like to eat & drink at work 8 hours 5 days a week and spending a few hours at a friends house.

If I was going to stay at someone's house for several days I would take tea bags if they were non tea drinkers. If I was popping by for a couple of hours I wouldn't because that would be rude. I wouldn't expect a non tea drinker to get teabags in just for me.

When MIL was alive she used to drink Barleycup, and used to bring her own when she came to stay with us. It was a non issue as far as I was concerned. I used to buy it for her if I could find it though.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread