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AIBU?

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Original poster

People bringing their own food to your house

104 replies

Catinthetwat · 25/04/2019 15:52

Is it me or is this odd behaviour?

I have a friend who brings her own drinks to my house, e.g. a can of coke in her bag.

My in-laws do it too and I can't get my head around it. It's not like bringing a gift, they bring stuff for themselves. They bring stuff they like, rather than stuff we like, so it's not a gift. Though they do attempt to offer things around sometimes.

Am I missing something? I wonder if they don't want me to buy stuff for them, but I do obviously and then just end up with twice as much because they've brought their own!

OP posts:
PrincessDaff · 25/04/2019 16:23

It depends on the situation. Just visiting someone for an hour or so I wouldn't take anything I would think I was being rude. But if it was a party and wanted a specific drink I would take that if I didn't think they would have it.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 25/04/2019 16:23

It wouldn't wind me up, but I think it's a bit odd, especially if you generally try to cater for your guests considerately, because no-one cannot possibly go without a specific fizzy drink for for an evening, or an afternoon.

missyB1 · 25/04/2019 16:25

Taking a drink isn’t so bad I wouldn’t have a problem with that. But I knew someone who used to accept a dinner invitation, then turn up with a Tupperware box of salad, refuse the hosts food and sit there munching her lettuce! In the end people stopped inviting her round.

InsertFunnyUsername · 25/04/2019 16:27

I realise i do this sometimes, only a can of coke maybe, and only certain people. My dad for example drinks endless tea and bless him offers me a glass of pop that he opened the last time i was there... 2 weeks ago! So i tell him not to worry.

But i wouldn't do it if i were invited to dinner etc. Seems more "odd" than rude imo.

bridgetreilly · 25/04/2019 16:43

But for a party, surely if you really wanted a particular fizzy drink, you'd bring a big bottle to share, not a single can for yourself?

If I've invited people round, generally I do make an effort to get things in I know they like. If someone just pops round on the off chance I might not, and I suppose I would find it less rude. But I still think part of hosting is feeding and watering my guests, and I just don't like the idea that they are turning that down.

SpinningDizzy · 25/04/2019 16:45

I do because my IL's don't snack

I always take a bottle of coke because I drink it if I get a headache and I don't expect people to have it in.

HundredMilesAnHour · 25/04/2019 16:54

To be honest, this doesn't bother me at all.

My Dad does it every time he stays. He turns up with about 6 boxes of half-open cereal/muesli and cans of Coke. It's a good 100 metres from my home to a very large supermarket (plus two 24 hour shops) but he still brings his own stuff. I just let him get on with it.

coolestmum · 25/04/2019 17:00

I find it strange. I once had ds's friend bring their own dinner round when they were invited for dinner. No allergies they just didn't fancy what I was cooking. I found that really rude.

AGoodWench · 25/04/2019 17:01

Some visitors who were trying to avoid gluten years ago did this.

It was fine imo, though they ended up eating our food anyway as it was ok.

I know some would take offence but I don't see why tbh.

goldenchicken · 25/04/2019 17:03

@Catinthetwat

You'd think me odd OP. I take a bottle of 'still' mineral water everywhere, as I don't always want a hot drink, and when people give me a drink of water, it's almost always from the tap, and it's usually vile; warm - and tasting of lime. Also, if they offer a fizzy drink, it's often warm (and sometimes flat.)

I also take a pack of breakfast biscuits or a banana to peoples houses, because there is no guarantee they will have anything in that I want. Eg, several people I know are vegans and have only soy milk, and no normal biscuits - just vegan ones, and others I know have only tea and no coffee.

It's a bit annoying really because I keep vegan and veggie stuff in, and also tea bags (even though no-one in my house drinks tea.) And if I know I am having a vegan visitor, I get soy milk and vegan snacks in, but they never get non-vegan stuff in for me. I think it's quite thoughtless to be honest.

In addition to all this, I work odd hours, and have occasions where I can't get out to get anything to eat from 10am til 3pm, so I like to have a wee snackette in case I get peckish!

Have to say I don't find it odd that people take their own bottle of water or snacks. Especially if (like me) they are busy and work odd hours and don't know what time of day they will be able to eat properly.

Also, if someone does continue to take their own stuff to your house, you have to question if you are a good host, and are offering what your guests want. As I said, quite a few people I visit don't get in or offer what I like, even though I do it for them...

TheTitOfTheIceberg · 25/04/2019 17:12

And if I know I am having a vegan visitor, I get soy milk and vegan snacks in, but they never get non-vegan stuff in for me. I think it's quite thoughtless to be honest.

Presumably because there's no reason you can't also eat vegan food, but asking them to compromise their principles and contribute to the usage, possibly even death of animals by buying animal-related products for your visit is quite different? I'm veggie rather than vegan but I'm afraid I wouldn't buy meat if I had omnivorous guests coming round, particularly as no one needs to eat meat at every meal and there are hundreds of delicious vegetarian dishes that we can all eat.

HundredMilesAnHour · 25/04/2019 17:41

And if I know I am having a vegan visitor, I get soy milk and vegan snacks in, but they never get non-vegan stuff in for me.

I don't get your problem. Why can't you just have soy milk and vegan snacks? Or do without altogether?

I work at a wildlife hospital so everything provided at work is vegan. I avoid the coffee because I can't stand instant, but I have no issues having soy milk in my tea. Occasionally we have homemade vegan cupcakes and (to my pleasant surprise) they're delicious!! I would never expect anything non-vegan to be provided especially for me. Such a bizarre idea!

goldenchicken · 25/04/2019 17:45

Because I don't LIKE vegan snacks and soy milk. ^^

goldenchicken · 25/04/2019 17:47

I don't expect vegans to have my cows milk - I buy in soy. Yet they can't be bothered to by dairy in for me. Very rude and inconsiderate. I don't want to drink coffee with their vile soy milk in it. Hence, I take my own drinks. Not a crime is it?!

archivearmadillo · 25/04/2019 17:50

I'd find that peculiar unless the person has allergies/ medical issues and I haven't been forwarned or it's too high risk to trust someone else to get right. Also not too weird for a very small child.

However if you just can't manage without a specific fizzy drink then you bring enough to share. It's incredibly rude to produce one can of something for yourself in someone else's house.

I don't know anyone who does this, but also don't know anyone who can only drink fizzy drinks Confused. In fact I'm not sure I know anyone who drinks coke, lemonade etc at home or asks for it in other people's houses Most people ask for water (or wine/ beer in some circumstances) if they don't want tea or coffee...

MRex · 25/04/2019 17:53

I think you mean that you just don't like THEIR vegan snacks. Lots of fresh food can happen to be vegan. If you had my paprika grilled aubergine you'd love it, because everyone does, and that's vegan (olive oil, spices, paprika, aubergine). It goes very nicely with bacon actually, but you wouldn't get that at the vegan house obvs.

goingonabearhunt1 · 25/04/2019 17:53

You can't expect vegans to buy animal products because they are ethically opposed to them so don't want to help fund those industries.

NicoAndTheNiners · 25/04/2019 17:54

I once had family coming over for the day, they'd been over several times before and I'd always cooked. They'd always seemed ok with the food I cooked.

This time they turned up with a massive bowl of chilli. Which I did think was rather odd. It was more the lack of notice which annoyed me as I'd got food in and a lot of it.

I wouldn't bat an eyelid about a fan of coke,

TheTitOfTheIceberg · 25/04/2019 17:56

Because I don't LIKE vegan snacks

What, you've tried every single one of them in the world, ever? You don't like guacamole or hummous or trail mix or rice cakes or fresh fruit or nut butters or any crisps cooked in vegetable oil or any vegan chocolate or smashed avocado on vegan toast or falafel or or or...gosh, you must be a picky eater!

DitheringBlidiot · 25/04/2019 17:58

@goldenchicken

So you don’t like Pringles or Oreos or chocolate chip hobnobs, hobnobs, or fruit or humus or crisps? Loads of stuff is vegan, even some of your beloved breakfast biscuits gasp

For the record, I am very much a meat eater but I love a vegan snack ;)

DitheringBlidiot · 25/04/2019 17:59

Co op donuts are vegan, party rings.... I could go on!

Happynow001 · 25/04/2019 18:03

Some people always have drinks and snacks in their bags no matter where they go.

I'm not sure what they think is going to happen if they don't.
Low blood sugar. A small health snack can help a lot till you can have a proper meal.

HomeMadeMadness · 25/04/2019 18:19

I don't expect vegans to have my cows milk - I buy in soy. Yet they can't be bothered to by dairy in for me. Very rude and inconsiderate.

Why can't you just drink soy milk for one afternoon at someone's house or eat vegan's snacks? You sound like hard work!

EmeraldShamrock · 25/04/2019 19:33

Bottle of coke is acceptable. I love Tea my sis always brings a can of coke. I do get them in some times but it is non issue.
If I invited someone for dinner and they arrived with a meal, plate, cutlery, I might think it is odd.

justarandomtricycle · 25/04/2019 19:52

This would be a total non-issue for me, I'd barely notice. So I could easily be accidentally rude by having a can of coke in my bag, I suppose. I think Y may be BU

Why can't you just drink soy milk for one afternoon

No no no no no. Would definitely rather drink cat's milk. If there is only soy milk I have my coffee/tea black, if I didn't like black coffee/tea I'd be rather stuck personally.