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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

People bringing their own food to your house

104 replies

Catinthetwat · 25/04/2019 15:52

Is it me or is this odd behaviour?

I have a friend who brings her own drinks to my house, e.g. a can of coke in her bag.

My in-laws do it too and I can't get my head around it. It's not like bringing a gift, they bring stuff for themselves. They bring stuff they like, rather than stuff we like, so it's not a gift. Though they do attempt to offer things around sometimes.

Am I missing something? I wonder if they don't want me to buy stuff for them, but I do obviously and then just end up with twice as much because they've brought their own!

OP posts:

LadyRannaldini · 25/04/2019 19:58

OH takes green-tea, he won't get it otherwise!

AlphaJura · 25/04/2019 20:15

I have a friend who always has a myriad of drinks and snacks on her her for her and dc because she likes to be 'prepared'. She always offers round anything they are eating, same as I always offer any guests anything I happen to be eating/drinking or snacking on. It's good manners and doesn't offend me if people have their own food on them. It depends on whether the person has been specifically invited round for a meal or they happen to drop by at meal time or have stayed longer than expected. Some people feel rude expecting others to cater for them if it's not been arranged and don't want the host to go to any bother or extra expense so bring their own food.

I had a friend recently who said she was going to pop in with her son, I thought for about an hour and a cuppa or drink.. she ended up staying for about 6 hrs through lunchtime and tea time, didn't bring anything for her son to eat and he was saying he was hungry, so had to offer him a bit of what my one year old was eating, not that I minded but I wasn't prepared and didn't have much in, I felt a bit bad. So on that occasion idve been happier if they did bring their own food or at least tell me beforehand that they were planning on staying for meals. So maybe that's why some people do it, so they don't put others out.

Igotthemheavyboobs · 25/04/2019 21:00

I think I drink my water from my bottle everytime I visit people. I'm not rude, I just have it in my bag. I also take my own decaf to friends houses when I know we will be having a kettle session and they don't drink decaf, I don't expect them to have it in just because I'm a pain in the arse!

flyingspaghettimonster · 25/04/2019 21:30

If I didn't feel like the home I was visiting washed up well I would bring a disposable paper coffee cup and ask for my tea in that, I sometimes do when I go next door even though their home is immaculate, because their mugs are all so heavy and my arthritis can't handle the big cups. I was raised in a family where the washing up wasn't grest and my step dad refused to eat anything my mum cooked, and rinsed stuff before using it. So his habits wore off on us kids... one of my sisters wasn't willing to use fresholy rinsed just for her cutlery at my house because I put tthemon the table rather than directly on a paper towel... just weird foibles we developed. Wouldn't really be meant as an insult to the host.

Ontheboardwalk · 25/04/2019 21:37

I have a friend who always has a bottle of water and snacks in her bag. This is because she’s on a lot of medication and needs to be ready to take her tablets where ever she is. Doesn’t bother me at all if she whips out a couple of biscuits and her bottle

Not sure how I’d feel if she brought out a disposable paper cup for a brew though.

BackforGood · 25/04/2019 21:53

Well, there's a difference between your title and your opening post. In your title you ask about taking food, but then your OP asks about getting their drink out of their bag. Quite different.

If I'm awkward, and want a particular drink, I don't assume others will have it in. Even if I've said I'm going over, I don't expect them to have to go out and get what I like. I like to be an easy person to have in someone else's home and not put them to any trouble.

LavaLampLover · 26/04/2019 03:38

People never have anything I can have except water and tap water tastes shite unless you've just been exercising and are chucking it down fast.

Can't have milk or squash/ cordial - lactose intolerance and allergy to ingredients. Cannot drink tea or coffee despite trying over the years, I have embarrassed myself spitting coffee straight back out. No one has ever had an issue with me bringing something. In warmer weather I always have at least one bottle of liquid on me because I'm prone to collapsing. People have only ever commented on my being prepared. It's just awkward having to go through why I can't have this or that.

PregnantSea · 26/04/2019 05:22

I completely get why people find it rude but I don't think it's meant in that way at all. I think people are just being helpful/organised and sorting themselves so you don't have to.

TheSerenDipitY · 26/04/2019 05:22

i dont drink hot drinks, i am lactose intolerant so i dont drink any milk based drinks either, i dont expect people to have a ton of different cold drinks ready for me to chose from, so i bring a drink i feel like drinking that day... easier for you and easier for me

TheSerenDipitY · 26/04/2019 05:25

Why can't you just drink soy milk for one afternoon
id drink toilet water before i drank that

YesimstillwatchingNetflix · 26/04/2019 05:26

Wow I am amazed at the number of comments saying they bring their own drinks to people's homes. I agree with the OP that it's quite bad manners, and frankly a little childish. You really need your 'special' drink available to you all the time? You couldn't go a few hours with tap water or just nothing if your hosts don't have your preference? Unless there is a medical issue such a kidney problems where you need to drink constantly, I would rather have water or nothing than offend my hosts by pulling a BYO out of my bag.

If you must have coke or whatever, then I think it's more polite to bring enough for it to be shared, rather than just awkwardly cater for yourself.

I don't know anyone who brings just their own drinks into other people's homes.

TheSerenDipitY · 26/04/2019 05:30

If you had my paprika grilled aubergine you'd love it
nope cause eggplant sucks balls

Onceuponacheesecake · 26/04/2019 05:41

I wouldn't do it with someone I'm not very familiar with but I don't see the issue really. I often have a can of coke in my bag. My mum even brings her own tea bags to my house as I never have anyway.

archivearmadillo · 26/04/2019 06:11

flyingspaghettimonster although you have family history to explain it, taking your own paper cup and asking for tea in that or rinsing cutlery automatically and refusing to use it if it's been placed on the table is staggeringly rude! If you explain that you can only life paper cups rather than heavier mugs because of your arthritis that does make it ok, but anything else is so rude I'm amazed that you and your sister are ever invited back!

If people don't wash up properly you don't accept anything in their house saying you aren't hungry/ thirsty - or if it's an elderly relative offer to fetch the drinks and rewash out of their sight.

I'm shocked at all the people who refuse to drink tap water. It's always the default - everyone has safe tap water in western Europe and nobody "can't" drink it, or is allergic to it, or will dehydrate if they drink plenty of it...

YesimstillwatchingNetflix · 26/04/2019 06:32

No wonder there is an obesity crisis. All these people who refuse to drink tap water are likely taking in a lot of unnecessary calories by drinking nothing but flavoured drinks.

BastianBux · 26/04/2019 06:42

What's the problem? I have a friend who will bring a can of Coke in her bag because she loves Coke and I don't so I don't buy it.

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 26/04/2019 06:43

I often take soy milk to people's houses because I do love my cup of tea I must just be lucky in my friends because they always seem pleased that I come prepared and that they don't have to acquire anything extra for my visit! I do also bring oreos, that might swing it

Hadenoughofitall441 · 26/04/2019 06:43

I always take a bottle of water with me to any house I visit including my dad, not because I don’t like anything it’s just I prefer to drink my water. And his house is always hot. They al2ays offer us other drinks but don’t get offended. I think it’s a non issue really.

BastianBux · 26/04/2019 06:46

Would I get upset if my father in law wanted to bring his own coffee to visit because he doesn't particularly like the brand we use? No. Why would I!? He's the one who has to carry the jar of coffee around in his bag why take offence!?

maddiemookins16mum · 26/04/2019 06:47

I think it’s odd. Even if they don’t have your drink of choice, surely it doesn’t hurt to have something else. It’s a bit like those episodes of CDWM where some plonker always takes their own bottle of hot sauce.

flumpybear · 26/04/2019 07:00

My MIL brought cups to our house, left them there so they don't have to use our cups .... another time she bought a saucepan so she could have a 'clean one' to make my daughter scrambled eggs - we have clean cups and pans ... cleaned by a dishwasher so done properly ... I was really offended to be honest

MRex · 26/04/2019 07:43

@maddiemookins16mum - actually we take hot sauces with us to my mum's usually . I don't think she minds though, she's bought us some for Christmas. And Dad likes to try them.

CherryPavlova · 26/04/2019 07:48

I don’t see an issue.
A can of drink might be because they know I don’t tend to have fizzy drinks.
Special fruit teabags might be because they like a particular flavour.
Food might be because they have something leftover they didn’t want to waste or to add to a shared meal.
Non issue.

GuineaPiglet345 · 26/04/2019 07:59

Unless there’s a medical issue then it’s really rude, surely no one only likes on particular drink so much that they couldn’t possibly drink anything else?

It would make me think they didn’t trust me to look after them properly or they think my house is dirty.

TapasForTwo · 26/04/2019 08:03

If I went to stay with someone who doesn't drink tea I would take my own tea bags.

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