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Original poster

To think this is a sign of misogyny

82 replies

Fr0thandBubble · 25/04/2019 13:37

A man I know, divorced and in his early 40s, said to me recently that he likes women who are “virginal”.

He said one of the reasons he had a bad sex life with his ex-wife (which was one of the reasons they divorced) was that his wife had been “quite promiscuous” before they met, which he didn’t like, and he thinks that’s a reason why he went off sex with her after a few years.

I can’t really explain why this didn’t sit well with me at all - I feel like it’s a sign that he could be misogynistic. Do you agree or is it perfectly valid for him to have that preference?

OP posts:
daysofpearlyspencer · 25/04/2019 14:03

I can't believe you actually had to ask! Wouldn't want him as a friend much less a partner, sounds creepy and weird

justarandomtricycle · 25/04/2019 14:03

Not at all, this is simply a point of attraction for some men.

Some of us admire men for perceived power at least as much as they admire women for purity, doesn't mean we hate them.

justarandomtricycle · 25/04/2019 14:05

I do agree it sounds creepy af of him to say it to women, but that's another issue.

NewFoneWhoDis · 25/04/2019 14:07

Virginial = Young?

ew.

Fatted · 25/04/2019 14:08

Oh dear, he was shit in bed and she told him, didn't she?!

InTheHeatofLisbon · 25/04/2019 14:11

Boak. What a dirty, minging thing to think let alone say!

He had a crap sex life with his ex because he's a nasty piece of work, who would want to have sex with someone with those attitudes?

And the virginal thing is just vomit inducing. Implies young women/girls. Ugh.

justarandomtricycle · 25/04/2019 14:12

Is he being PA in saying this?

Kind of sounds like he might be.

Shodan · 25/04/2019 14:13

Oh dear, he was shit in bed and she told him, didn't she?!

Exactly this. Grin After the first few years, when the honeymoon phase was still going, she probably thought it was just a short term thing and it would improve over time.

Then it didn't.

He likes virginal women because they won't have a yardstick to measure him by.

Benes · 25/04/2019 14:15

Eurgh.....awful. Run away

Sculpin · 25/04/2019 14:15

Is he trying to say that he wants to date a teenager? This is wrong on so many levels.

TatianaLarina · 25/04/2019 14:16

He was paranoid and insecure about her other lovers, clearly.

AryaStarkWolf · 25/04/2019 14:17

100% Run like hell but before you do ask him is he Virginal himself?

TerryWogansWilly · 25/04/2019 14:18

Yeah. And shit in bed.

justarandomtricycle · 25/04/2019 14:19

He sounds pretty virginal to be honest.

Possibly comes across like that in the sack as well Halo

TerryWogansWilly · 25/04/2019 14:19

He likes virginal women because they won't have a yardstick to measure him by.

Potentially literally

3timeslucky · 25/04/2019 14:21

Does his quest for "virginal" become the "reason" his next partner will be less than half his age?

justarandomtricycle · 25/04/2019 14:22

To anyone who literally needs a yardstick for that, where do you meet men? Asking for a friend

Crunched · 25/04/2019 14:23

If he himself believes in celibacy unless married,then it may be appropriate to look for a similarly minded partner. However that is not the vibe I’m sensing in your post...

BlingLoving · 25/04/2019 14:24

I know a man who isn't attracted to women who have had multiple casual sexual partners. But for him, it's a moral thing - he himself has never had sex outside of a serious relationship (so yes, he's only had sex with about 4 women). He grew up religious and while he's not anymore, I think some of that moral code seeps into his thinking. As a result, some potentially promising relationships haven't happened. I find it odd, but accept that it's important to him and at least he's practising what he preaches.

It becomes deeply misogynist when the man is fine with having multiple partners but thinks his wife needs to be "pure". Ditto, treating his wife like that is unacceptable - if he married her in the first place he doesn't get to subsequently complain about this. He sounds deeply unpleasant.

FrenchJunebug · 25/04/2019 14:26

of course it's sexist and misogynistic. Do you really need to ask?!

BertrandRussell · 25/04/2019 14:27

You need to ask? If you’re dating him, dump him.

FaithFrank · 25/04/2019 14:28

Plus, why is he even telling you anything about his sex life with his ex? Yuck

Drogosnextwife · 25/04/2019 14:28

The first thing I though was he must be trying to justify being attracted to young girls.

Original poster
Fr0thandBubble · 25/04/2019 14:28

I don’t think it’s that he wants someone younger to be honest - his wife was older than him.

He is deeply insecure (which is weird because he’s very good looking) so maybe that’s it - maybe he doesn’t like the comparison. He loves attention/adulation from other women.

The Madonna/whore complex thing rings true actually - some things he’s said just make me feel like he objectifies women and doesn’t see them as people in their own right. For example, he said about one woman he saw that she didn’t look his type as “you don’t know where she’s been” (she was wearing a short tight dress, lots of make-up) etc. Also said it’s a nightmare having female employees (he has his own business) as they always have PMT, are crying about their boyfriends, etc. At first I thought he was joking but no...

Oh and also said he’d never get back with his wife as she is now a “bra burning feminist”. Which really put me off.

OP posts:
justarandomtricycle · 25/04/2019 14:29

I don't think different requirements of yourself and other people is necessarily borne of hatred, surely we are all attracted to things we don't have ourselves.

I think banging on about how unattractive not being a virgin is to a woman might be dodgy. I have male friends who are short or fat, i wouldnt dream of telling them that being short or fat is unattractive and below my standards unless they directly asked, and even then I'd consider not saying it.