To be (secretly) disappointed with bedroom furniture

[BillywigSting]

I quite possibly am and willing to be told I need to wind my neck in a bit.

Bit of background. We are moving house, and ds(5) needed new bedroom furniture. He is currently sleeping in his toddler bed (which is suitable up to five years but he's quite small for his age, still this seemed an appropriate time to get him a new bed etc).

He also needed a wardrobe, draws etc as the draws he currently have are not great and his old bedroom had a built in wardrobe (we think it might have been a boiler cupboard previously but it worked fine)

Now his toddler bed (that was also his cot) is beautiful. It's solid wood, with winnie the pooh and piglet (he still likes winnie the pooh, though that's not really the point) carved into the headboard. It is good quality, smells lovely and has lasted really well. It still looks brand new.

I was looking at new beds with ds so he had a bit of a say in it a while ago, and both of us were leaning towards wooden bed frames again. I think him because it's familiar and a similar look to the bed he has slept in all his life, me because I think wood looks lovely.

Here is the aibu. Mil has kindly offered to buy ds's bedroom furniture (recently received an inheritance, as did dp which is why we can afford to move at all, she got significantly more than dp, a few thousand more). Both I and dp said that was lovely and showed her the sort of thing we were looking at (mostly varnished pine cabin beds).

Every single suggestion put back to us by her has been horrible cheap looking white mdf. All a very similar price to what we have been showing her.

In the end she has ended up buying ugly cheap white mdf everything (wardrobe, bed but no mattress, chest of draws and bedside draws). It has come out that she thinks 'a little boy should have white furniture because I (mil) think it looks better'

Dp says don't look a gift horse in the mouth and to some extent I agree. But she has form for overstepping boundaries and blatantly ignoring my wishes when ds was very little.

And honestly it's awful quality, rickety and ugly and I can see it looking very shoddy very quickly.

We have done our best to make everything else in our new house reasonably good quality (floors etc) and this just feels like a huge fuck you dil, and sticks out like a sore thumb.

I am aware I am probably being a bit daft and emotional because moving is stressful enough and this move has been particularly bad, with having to get builders in and them doing an appalling job.

This horrible, ugly, not-at-all what we would have picked furniture that is the same price bracket as what we looking for furniture that mil has picked just feels like a kick in the teeth.

Aibu to be secretly disappointed and a bit upset? I haven't said anything to her (I have told dp that I was not keen on white, and told mil while she was looking that I would much rather have wood) so as to keep the peace and not seem ungrateful.

I am grateful for the offer but it feels very much like she is trying to impose her wants and tastes on our house by choosing a style none of us really like.

[diddl]

Well the time to stop it all was when it was obvioous that she wasn't listening & had no intention of buying what you wanted.

If she hadn't have bought now, you would have had to buy when it needed replacing anyway & may at that point not have had the money to do so.

You might as well save for what you want as at least this hasn't cost you anything.

[MollysLips]

The good thing is that the cheap stuff takes stickers really well. So let DS cover it with as many stickers, posters, drawings, etc, as he likes. Tell him it's special furniture from MIL that he is allowed to customise.

Make sure she sees it when it's "finished".

[TatianaLarina]

Even fixing it to the walls won’t help, it looks like it might collapse anyway.

[user1480880826]

And this is why I don’t let my husband get involved in decisions about home decor!

[crispysausagerolls]

Sell it for goodness sake! Now! Before it becomes used.

Say “In Person it looked and smelled bad” and fucking get rid of it. You cannot have furniture you hate that will give you rage for 5 years.

[FredFlinstoneMadeOfBones]

I wouldn't say it was awful but not what I'd choose for my son's room. It will definitely be a lesson learned. Mil clearly doesn't give gifts without serious strings attached. I would save for a year or so and replace.

[Bbang]

Flog it, if she asks tell her it fell apart. Put what you make towards nice new stuff.

[Drogosnextwife]

Just be very heavy handed with it, it won't last long

[TatianaLarina]

If it were me OP, I’d just say it wasn’t suitable for several reasons - and buy some more.

Primarily because kids’s furniture must be tough for safety, but equally the formaldehyde vapour is an issue people are becoming more aware of.

[BillywigSting]

We can't afford to replace it!

The money we would get for it would not cover the cost of new stuff.

We ARE stuck with it.

There is absolutely NO WAY dp would be ok with it being covered in stickers or decals, it paint of any description. He's not happy about the wall stickers, never mind stuff on the furniture too.

The height chart blu tacked on might not be a bad idea though.

It definitely won't last long. I am going to have to lump it for a couple of years and then not let either of them anywhere near choosing new stuff when the time comes.

[Thurmanmurman]

It’s not ideal OP I understand your frustration but remember, your son is 5 and unlikely to give a hoot about bedroom furniture. If it was me I think I would make the most of it by jazzing it up with nice handles, nice rug, curtains, wall stickers etc. If it was your living room she had gone rogue on then that would be a different matter but I personally don’t think a child’s bedroom is worth falling out over. If your DS is anything like mine the floor will be covered with Lego and comic books anyway so no nice furniture would be wasted on him!

[DerelictWreck]

Why not add some fun kids door handles like these? Would help make it more 5yo friendly!

[stayfit]

My son has covered a lot of his furniture with football stickers at this age (6 yr), I got him cheap ikea stuff. Get those tags to attach it to wall for safety. Look up furniture makeover in Pinterest but trusts me kids will end up putting stickers and such on it very soon. Save and get him a Xmas present 2/3 years down the line.

[Thurmanmurman]

They’re cool derelict!

[BillywigSting]

Those handles are lovely but would probably look at bit strange on the wardrobe he got, has long handles so two screws per handle

[crispysausagerolls]

derelict

I love those!!!

OP - There is absolutely NO WAY dp would be ok with it being covered in stickers or decals, it paint of any description. He's not happy about the wall stickers, never mind stuff on the furniture too.

So bloody what? Give a fuck what your DP wants, it’s his fault you are stuck with this shit.

[Jux]

I would push it about a bit so it falls apart in a week, then replace it with a plain clothes rail until I was financially able to replace everything. Then I'd have a lovely time mentioning "cheap white furniture that falls apart in a week....." at various moments (no I wouldn't do that last thing, I'm not that bad).

[PCohle]

You sound a bit ungrateful to me OP. If you have such firm ideas about kids furniture maybe you should have chosen and paid for it yourself?

Your MIL did ask your DH if white was ok and she was told it was - I'd focus my irritation on my DH. This could have been avoided if you'd been much clearer about what you wanted.

[Bluntness100]

The handles are a brilliant idea.

Op, I mean this politely, but as it was repeated, its drawers, not draws. I'm assuming you meant drawers? Or am I misreading?

The white looks fine,and with some jazzed up handles could look very cool indeed. You could also get some massive stickers/decals, like the planets, or even Winnie the poo, and make a little mural on them.

[GruffaIo]

@DerelictWreck: Where are those handles from? They're really nice!

[Bluntness100]

Op, there is lots of door handles for kids, just google. You can get everything from long to short, to colourful to animals.

www.etsy.com/uk/listing/451731628/3-375-5-colorful-knob-drawer-pulls?gpla=1&gao=1&&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=shopping_uk_en_gb_c-craft_supplies_and_tools-other&utm_custom1=72172b43-5231-4b40-b99f-c78e362b585f&utm_content=go_325939368_20231685168_88477486128_pla-106551294035_t__451731628engb&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIz8-N9cno4QIVw7ztCh2fPALsEAQYCSABEgKKRPD_BwE

[crispysausagerolls]

I don’t see why you can’t put 4 of those animal handles on the wardrobe?

[ItsAGo]

Absolutely buy the MDF/formaldehyde test and get rid for his asthma. Of course you need to paint them and change the handles. If WW3 breaks out you say you don’t lie them and if they ignore you bonus! It’s your life and she can’t mould you to liking what she likes.

[MiniMum97]

Excellent that it nearly fell apart. I would accidentally break it and then just replace it with what you want.

[Snog]

MIL has been very controlling so it's not surprising that you are unhappy.

Maybe learn for the future that her gifts will be controlling gifts that you might wish to turn down.

I would update the furniture once it starts the look scruffy and for now at least you don't need to feel precious about it. By the time you get the new furniture ds will be old enough to take better care of it.