To be (secretly) disappointed with bedroom furniture

[BillywigSting]

I quite possibly am and willing to be told I need to wind my neck in a bit.

Bit of background. We are moving house, and ds(5) needed new bedroom furniture. He is currently sleeping in his toddler bed (which is suitable up to five years but he's quite small for his age, still this seemed an appropriate time to get him a new bed etc).

He also needed a wardrobe, draws etc as the draws he currently have are not great and his old bedroom had a built in wardrobe (we think it might have been a boiler cupboard previously but it worked fine)

Now his toddler bed (that was also his cot) is beautiful. It's solid wood, with winnie the pooh and piglet (he still likes winnie the pooh, though that's not really the point) carved into the headboard. It is good quality, smells lovely and has lasted really well. It still looks brand new.

I was looking at new beds with ds so he had a bit of a say in it a while ago, and both of us were leaning towards wooden bed frames again. I think him because it's familiar and a similar look to the bed he has slept in all his life, me because I think wood looks lovely.

Here is the aibu. Mil has kindly offered to buy ds's bedroom furniture (recently received an inheritance, as did dp which is why we can afford to move at all, she got significantly more than dp, a few thousand more). Both I and dp said that was lovely and showed her the sort of thing we were looking at (mostly varnished pine cabin beds).

Every single suggestion put back to us by her has been horrible cheap looking white mdf. All a very similar price to what we have been showing her.

In the end she has ended up buying ugly cheap white mdf everything (wardrobe, bed but no mattress, chest of draws and bedside draws). It has come out that she thinks 'a little boy should have white furniture because I (mil) think it looks better'

Dp says don't look a gift horse in the mouth and to some extent I agree. But she has form for overstepping boundaries and blatantly ignoring my wishes when ds was very little.

And honestly it's awful quality, rickety and ugly and I can see it looking very shoddy very quickly.

We have done our best to make everything else in our new house reasonably good quality (floors etc) and this just feels like a huge fuck you dil, and sticks out like a sore thumb.

I am aware I am probably being a bit daft and emotional because moving is stressful enough and this move has been particularly bad, with having to get builders in and them doing an appalling job.

This horrible, ugly, not-at-all what we would have picked furniture that is the same price bracket as what we looking for furniture that mil has picked just feels like a kick in the teeth.

Aibu to be secretly disappointed and a bit upset? I haven't said anything to her (I have told dp that I was not keen on white, and told mil while she was looking that I would much rather have wood) so as to keep the peace and not seem ungrateful.

I am grateful for the offer but it feels very much like she is trying to impose her wants and tastes on our house by choosing a style none of us really like.

[ChilliMum]

Yes I think you have to suck it up for now.

Unfortunately cheap furniture does not last long, doors come off cupboards if you are accidently a little forceful when you open them, clothes rails in wardrobes fall down a lot, bed slats often crack if kids get a bit excited and jump into bed too enthusiastically

I would reccomend you start putting some money aside each month so you can replace it all in a year when the inevitable happens

[Hoggytat]

Does your DS like it? If he does then perhaps let it lie (and don't let mil chose again). You can get some lovely large stickers that would go over the white or you could even fablon the whole lot.

YANBU but if I were in your position my next move would be influenced by what DS feels about his new furniture.

[BillywigSting]

It's mdf with a thin white veneer so is sort of a grey white. I wasn't here when it was delivered and it was ordered and assembled before I had a chance to say no.

I honestly hate it

The worst bit is that even if it does break quickly we are unlikely to be able to replace it easily as the only reason we could afford all of this in the first place was the inheritance. We can't afford to replace it no either as money that was earmarked for that furniture has had to go on other things because of shit head builders

[MrsMozartMkII]

Aw lass. Completely get your point.

It actually sounds like the whole lot isn't going to stand either the rough and tumble of a child or being re-sited...

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

Rickety stuff is not great with small kids, especially is they are the climbing or boisterous kind. Don’t forget to fasten it to the wall OP.

[FraggleRocking]

Well it’s yours now, you didn’t spend on it so you don’t need to keep it in great condition for resale, so I’d let your son choose an absolute tonne of stickers and cover it all over.
Send her some pictures of the finished product with a cheery ‘We brightened up the white’.
If it won’t last anyway, you can get what you want in a couple of years, no harm really.

[BillywigSting]

Ds was a bit disappointed at first but has decided he doesn't mind it now. He is only five though so fairly ephemeral in his likes.

He has told me he will 'miss his lovely old bed' but I think that might have been the case either way

[Disfordarkchocolate]

It sounds like you're stuck with it, start saving for something you like as from my experience that sort of furniture doesn't last long at all.

[pandarific]

I think yes the best thing to do is to sell it. Put it up on eBay and gumtree and see what happens before you try Facebook marketplace, you'll get more for it on there.

Then use the money to find wood furniture second hand. Tell your dp what you're doing and why, but don't tell mil. When she sees the room, say sadly 'oh yes, unfortunately one of the bits came off mid use so awe thought not safe for ds, so I changed it. Very kind of you to get it in the first place, it's a real shame, but we thought better safe than sorry with ds.'

[Fruitbatdancer]

Hi early give your head a wobble (meant kindly!) it’s ok to be a bit disappointed but he’s little, give it a year and it’ll likely be covered in stickers etc, or let him do that, choose a theme and jazz it up- don’t try to make it what you wanted make it what HE wants and recognise in a couple of years you need to buy nice stuff when finances are better. Jazz it up with good bedding, nice soft furnishings/ curtains/ rugs and a BIG throw! Even a throw over the wardrobe! Make it narnia if it helps!
Failing that get a coloured lightbulb- you’ll barely be able to see it and it will look that colour!

[Sleepsoon7]

Another vote for stickers - let him choose and get some enjoyment from the furniture (before it all falls apart.....!)

[Oly4]

White furniture for kids is lovely.

But that’s beside the point. She should have listened but you DH should have put his foot down.

At the end of the day she’s paid for it and wanted to get something she liked. I doubt your son cares what colour his furniture is.

She is wrong but I wouldn’t dwell on it. It’s just furniture

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

Well, if it’s a hill you are prepared to die on, take it to pieces, eBay it and get thee to ikea or a decent second hand shop for something that is at least sturdy. Wooden furniture is not particularly fashionable so you may well get a bargain.

Sounds like you are very sensitive to your surroundings (talking about the smell of the wood etc) so this is going to drive you crazy if you don’t sort it.

Fuck world war 3 “Mil it is poor quality and dangerous. I know you would hate DS to hurt himself”.

[Springwalk]

I too would accidentally collapse the wardrobe and then replace the bed on the grounds it now doesn’t match the (newly installed) wardrobe. Sell the bed on eBay.
Dp can explain to his mother that sadly the wardrobe fell apart, and he has complained but doesn’t expect to her very far.
Buy new things that you like.
Vow never to accept anything from her again, she is very unkind to push her taste on to you.
I couldn’t live with it, and would sooner burn it than keep it.

[Springwalk]

If you google, some decorators can spray paint furniture. As a minimum you could do this

[cdtaylornats]

Paint it.

Eventually your son will grow out of it.

[Ncforever12345]

I was going to say the same thing as BuzzPeakWankBobbly said, paint it all and don't worry about being too careful with it. It gives you time to save for a set of your choice and your son can be boisterous with this lot.

[SheldonSaysSo]

I would sell it if you can comfortably afford to replace it. Any money you make from selling it either give to MIL if you decide to tell her or put towards a new set of furniture.

Don't silently stay unhappy with furniture you have to look at everyday for years!

[pandarific]

Oh yes, if you can't face the selling, have a look at Frenchic lazy range furniture paint - it's a game changer. There is a very very helpful Facebook page also where lots of people would be able to help you if you wanted to paint the furniture and perhaps stencil or decoupage it.

[BillywigSting]

I'm not going to sell it (if one item breaks it will be replaced and she will most definitely not be buying it or having any say in it whatsoever).

The ructions it would cause would likely last longer than the furniture!

Mil doesn't half know how to hold a grudge, and I doubt you'd get £50 for it anyway, it's crap.

Ds's room is being painted blue so it looks very cold with the white furniture. Wood would have warmed it up a bit. It also has laminate (oak) floors because he has eczema and asthma and carpets can apparently make those worse.

He has a big grey ikea road rug that will cover fair bit of floor once everything is in place to stop it being chilly and echoey.

He is getting wall stickers but doubt dp would be too happy about brand new furniture being painted /covered in stickers. He thinks it looks fine (but grew up very poor and has never really lived with good quality furniture before, is used to no furniture serving a house move and struggles to tell the difference between cheap and nasty and inexpensive but alright a bit sometimes. For someone so bright he's really daft sometimes)

[huuskymam]

Can you paint it, maybe some of your child's favourite colours.

[TatianaLarina]

MDF is mildly poisonous and generally emits formaldehyde.

You can buy a formaldehyde test from here

It will probably be genuinely emitting a moderate level.

Use that as your excuse to get rid and buy the wood.

[TatianaLarina]

Even if it’s not, you can exaggerate the level and say you’re not comfortable with it. Formaldehyde is carcinogenic.

[BillywigSting]

This is what she's bought