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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cake-gate

529 replies

8Wina4 · 23/04/2019 23:59

I work in an office environment, in a team of around 20. Before the Easter weekend, I was chatting in the staff room on a break about how I've recently really got into baking, and one of my colleagues jokingly said that she wouldn't mind if I bought some cake to work for her to try. I promised I'd bring some home made cakes in after Easter.

Fast forward to today. I take in four different homemade cakes. I also took in some little vegan cake bites from Tesco, as we have 2 vegans in the office and I wanted them to be able to eat something nice too (everything I baked had flour/eggs in)

One of the vegans approached me at lunch, and told me that she was really disappointed that I hadn't made the effort to home bake anything vegan, and that I had promised homemade cakes, so I should have provided that for everyone. She said she didn't like the vegan cakes I'd bought from Tesco, and that she was fed up with being left out of team lunches/treats.

I was a bit taken aback, so apologised. But the more I think about it, the more I think she was actually the unreasonable one...

Thoughts?

OP posts:
101waystoworry · 25/04/2019 18:24

She was pretty rude, however, you did make 4 different types of cakes and while you did get some vegan friendly cakes, they aren't exactly the same thing. As a vegan myself, I am always left out of everything food wise, which I am fine with as it is my choice to not eat certain foods. On the other hand, I totally understand her reaction (to a point!) It would kind of be like making everybody a lovely hand made gift and then handing somebody else a pound shop gift. I hope that makes sense!
What I am trying to say is, her reaction wasn't nice but YWBU a little bit. Smile

mumda · 25/04/2019 18:24

domesticgothess.com/blog/2018/05/18/vegan-fruit-and-nut-flapjacks/

vegan butter = Vitalite Dairy Free Spread which is currently 97p at morrirons.
Anyone who is a vegan who gets upset they didn't get their own special cake made is probably deficient of a steak or two.

Mummadeeze · 25/04/2019 18:26

I can only eat vegan cakes due to allergies and I would have been SO grateful that you bought the vegan cakes from Tesco along with the cakes you baked. I think it was incredibly thoughtful and she is a totally rude weirdo for complaining.

Liketoshop · 25/04/2019 18:33

Sounds to me as though you've set the bar very high for taking in cakes! One is fine and most cakes can be made egg and butter free so your vegan colleague isn't reinventing the wheel in her dietary choices, she's not superior but as she's in the minority she either eats up or shuts up or brings a delicious vegan cake!

Crappygilmore · 25/04/2019 18:34

What a lovely thing you did catering for all. My sdm is a celiac and will always bake ill try to do a mini gluten free cake or will buy her a gf muffin or something to compensate. You did a nice thing. Fuck her snowflake.

MyToothPain · 25/04/2019 18:34

I DID once go to the trouble of baking a dairy free birthday cake for a colleague, as another member of our team has a milk allergy.

I didn’t want to make a thing of it or embarrass her, so just dropped her a discrete note with my ingredients list to let her know she could join in with the cake eating (for a change) if she wanted.

I didnt tell the birthday boy though. I was going to. But before I did, probably also thinking of not excluding our dairy-free colleague, he announced to the team “that’s so great, Tooth, that I’m going to save it and take it home to my family”.

The cake was the shape of a penis.

Lweji · 25/04/2019 18:35

It would kind of be like making everybody a lovely hand made gift and then handing somebody else a pound shop gift. I hope that makes sense!

More like bringing in hand made liqueurs for office party but also bringing in shop bought soft drinks instead of hand squeezed fruit juice to the two tea totallers in the office. Nice gesture. The hand squeezed fruit juice would be way above niceness.

HazelBite · 25/04/2019 18:36

I have made a vegan wedding cake using organic coconut oil for a couple where the bridegroom was alergic to eggs. Was a nice tasty cake but the ingredients were very, very expensive.
My DIL is a coeliac vegan, there are tons of recipes on the internet, some of them are good, others not so, they all need trying out.
The Op shouldn't feel she needs to try loads of recipes just to please the one person.
I feel that the OP's colleague was incredibly rude!

ToftyAC · 25/04/2019 18:36

How fucking rude and entitled. I’m afraid I’d have given her a mouthful of my heavy duty holepunch and told her to eat that you ungrateful bitch.

BentCoppersOnly · 25/04/2019 18:37

@bridgetreilly or whatever your name is, did you actually read my other post? Of course there are vegan options don’t be so dense. It’s up to OP whether she wants to make them or not, and whether it’s feasible for her.

Hippiechick162 · 25/04/2019 18:40

As a vegan she I'd definitely a cf! I'd be totally happy if someone had done that for me but never expect it, not their issue that I have a diet out of the ordinary. Maybe say "oh that's fine I'll make them for you next time but I'd love a rack of ribs for the next shared lunch please and thank you!"

Hippiechick162 · 25/04/2019 18:45

Ooops is not I'd Blush

Teacher22 · 25/04/2019 18:47

"One of the vegans approached me at lunch, and told me that she was really disappointed that I hadn't made the effort to home bake anything vegan, and that I had promised homemade cakes, so I should have provided that for everyone. She said she didn't like the vegan cakes I'd bought from Tesco, and that she was fed up with being left out of team lunches/treats."

And that's why everyone sane hates vegans...

MooseHoose · 25/04/2019 18:49

Are you her personal chef? Thought not. Tell the CF that you made cakes that YOU know and like the recipes to because YOU paid for the ingredients and took the trouble to make them. Then invite her to make herself vegan cake and a few non-vegan ones for the entire office. The cheeky old boot.

sewingismyhobby · 25/04/2019 18:50

So out of a team of 20 staff, 2 are vegan and 1 person rudely demands that a colleague bakes a special homemade cake just for them?

It wasn’t a fucking Team Event!!

One staff member decided she’d like to share some of her home baking with some colleagues. There should be no expectation that the baking colleague tries to ensure everyone’s dietary requirements are catered for.

MooseHoose · 25/04/2019 18:52

Ignore the ‘to’ which makes no sense!

Fairyhill · 25/04/2019 19:02

I m a coeliac and I would nt expect you to go and buy gluten free flour etc and make a cake just to accommodate me. Bringing in a cake you d bought would have made my day that you d even thought of me. I think she’s selfish - as you offered to bring in homemade cake - not host a cake party ! I think you were very nice to the other’s cakes out of your own pocket.

Earthakitty · 25/04/2019 19:03

So you bring 4 cakes in you slaved over for your colleagues to scoff and one nutcase manages to make you question yourself ?????
Tell her to go to hell and congratulate yourself for being such a lovely kind work colleague.

peachdribble · 25/04/2019 19:06

If you want to try baking vegan, there’s a powder called ‘no-egg’ (yes really) that you can use as a substitute for eggs, and you can use dairy-free spreads that are suitable as baking fat, or even an oil/soya milk mix- look up vegan sponge recipes on google, there’s loads out there

Tinkobell · 25/04/2019 19:06

My DD is vegan. It is actually quite hard making vegan cakes - not to mention bloody expensive as many of the basic substitutes are £££. I do like the odd vegan cakes, but I can tell you that they wouldn't be to everyone's taste who might be expecting a kind of standard spongey type affair. The colleague is an ungracious tit.

Mum4Blake · 25/04/2019 19:08

Ask her that as she was so offended, can she bring in cakes for the rest of you - of course your not vegan, so you expect her to bake you a proper cake, not some “shitty vegan crap”

My son is dairy AND gluten intolerant. My expectation is that I’ll be lucky to get people to cater, so I bring my own. Hers is a lifestyle choice so she needs to learn to suck it up.

Incywincybitofa · 25/04/2019 19:11

She is being unreasonable and so are her vegan fanclub on here.
I wouldn't expect a Vegan or Vegetarian to make something with meat.
I wouldn't expect a vegan to cater to those who eat animal products
so why would you cater to them?
There were 2 vegans, you took them into consideration and found something suitable, in fact to bake a vegan cake might be considered wasteful they wouldn't have eaten it all and there is nothing to say anyone else would have wanted some because it might not have been as nice as your other yummy cakes.

Just take in something for the nice vegan colleague next time then your colleague will know what it feels like to be left out

BobAHair · 25/04/2019 19:11

Oh please tell her that it’s her turn to bake next, and that as an omnivore, then you’ll need whatever she makes to have eggs and butter in.

QueenOfTheTofuTree · 25/04/2019 19:13

I think the OP's colleague was rude but asking a vegan to cook something non-vegan is not the same as the other way round.

QueenOfTheTofuTree · 25/04/2019 19:15

And no, I never expect anyone to accommodate me. I would have been happy the OP had thought of me at all by even buying me something.

And there are two vegans. Only one behaved like an arsehole.

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