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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

13 year old punched TV

78 replies

changed1 · 23/04/2019 21:17

My 13 year old ss has punched the TV in a Fortnite rage, this is the second time hes done this in 3 months.
I'm absolutely furious, I've told him we will be taking his xbox and his iPad to pay for a replacement. He told me to fuck off and that I couldn't take his things. I told him that if my money pays for it and it's under my roof I can.
His dad is still at work but I've had a few aggressive texts from his mother telling me I have no right and threatening to come sort me out her words. Hes now laughing at me because he knows all he has to say is he will never see his dad again and it's all forgotten.
For 6 years hes smashed and broke countless things in this house and I'm sick of him getting away with things through threatening not to come. Wibu to just take them and sell them. Why should I keep spending my money so he can smash or break things if it was one of my own children this is what I would do. We have joint finances but I earn almost double my partner so it's not like I haven't paid for these things.

OP posts:

Happygolucky009 · 23/04/2019 21:21

Oh my life, I would definitely be getting rid of the Xbox until major behaviour changes.

PanBasher · 23/04/2019 21:28

I would be throwing his arse through the door and never letting him back through it again, regardless of what threats he made. In fact, if he threatened me he would get it filled.
Tell your husband that you don't want your ss in the house again and why. If your husband objects tell him he's welcome to join his son, and mean it.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 23/04/2019 21:30

I'm sick of him getting away with things through threatening not to come

Am in complete support of your stepson facing the consequences for his appalling behaviour but this is your biggest problem.

Shootingstar1115 · 23/04/2019 21:30

Firstly, is it any wonder he acts like this if his mother is like it? He smashed your telly in your house and you have every right to punish him but so whys his mother being aggressive to you? Threatening you! Of course we all stand by our kids but if DS damaged something in my ex’s and his new partners house I would want him to learn the consequences of his actions.

You and his dad need to look at the wider picture here. Maybe he’s a brat because of his Mother.

Stand your ground.

acomingin · 23/04/2019 21:37

Don't have him in your house without your DH. His mother can deal with his shit, no need for you to.

HeckyPeck · 23/04/2019 21:48

Do you think your husband won’t back you up?

I wouldn’t want someone so violent in my house so threatening not to come would be no skin off my nose.

If your husband won’t back you though you have bigger problems than a smashed tv. What will be next? Punching the wall? Smashing your things?

You say he’s smashed lots of things already. He wouldn’t be welcome in my home.

Leeds2 · 23/04/2019 22:14

Is DH doing anything to address DSS's behaviour? How has DH reacted to this evening's incident?
If you paid for the Xbox/iPad, YANBU to keep or sell them to pay for the damage. If his father paid for them, I think YWBU to sell them without his father's consent. If his mother paid for them, I think YWBU to get rid.

Suliemantra · 23/04/2019 22:28

The console would never be seen again in my house.

BlueGlassesFrames · 23/04/2019 22:32

Take it, sell it, he's 13 and he should fucking know better.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 23/04/2019 22:33

You cant sell them they are his but I would send them out of the house to his mothers permanently. And I would not be allowing him in your house unless his father is there in person supervising him. This is your husbands problem to sort out.

ThorsMistress · 23/04/2019 22:37

If this was my DS and he did this at his dads and new wife's house I would be fuming!

I would sell his stuff for her and he wouldn't be getting anything at home either. I certainly wouldn't be threatening her!

ElektraUnchained · 23/04/2019 22:40

If his dad won't support you then maybe he should not be benefitting from your income.

Purpleartichoke · 23/04/2019 22:41

Your DH needs to back you up. Violence needs to be punished swiftly and harshly. Frankly, I would reconsider the marriage if he doesn’t take this seriously. I say that because I would expect my DH to not be violent except under extremely specific circumstances. Children have less impulse control, but punishment needs to happen.

Merryoldgoat · 23/04/2019 22:42

I genuinely wouldn’t stay in a relationship with someone if their child was allowed to behave like that.

I would not allow my child to behave that way anywhere and it sounds like your DH and his ex are poor parents.

You won’t be able to effect any change in this situation.

He’ll be your SS forever if you stay with your DH. Fun.

Sorry, life isn’t for fighting all the bloody time - it’s for enjoying. Bet you’re not enjoying it much.

Molly333 · 23/04/2019 22:49

It appears here that you need to tackle dad and his ex in the first instance as they have accepted this . I would be very very upset if my husband did not back me up with this . Where is the respect for you ?

Notanidiot · 23/04/2019 22:53

You wouldn't accept a friend or a stranger to treat you like that in your own home so DO NOT put up with him from your stepson!

As others have said I would expect his dad on his return to the house to get him to pack his bags and dump him back at his mothers. If she thinks that behaviour is acceptable without consequences then let her deal with the brat.

If my son had done that at his dad and step mum's house I would be expecting him to be sent back me no questions asked.

So DO NOT put up with this behaviour any longer.

cheeseandpineapple · 23/04/2019 22:54

I took my son’s x box away for similar game rage (not fortnite). He was initially furious about it but after a week or two he said he didn’t want it back. He only realised how angry and frustrated the game was making him by being forced not to play it for a while.

He’s still a crabby teenager at times but the overall change has been extraordinary in a relatively short space of time. He’s a little older than your SS but I was shocked at how foul the game was making him and how often he was playing, plus he was becoming reclusive.

I would really encourage you to help your partner stay firm, ban the x box and handle the threats and consequences.

Agree with the previous poster that if your partner can’t handle this properly, you should weigh up the relationship.

The effects of game addiction are pretty disturbing. Ignoring it would be like ignoring a drug addition.

Notanidiot · 23/04/2019 23:09

Just reread your post OP.

This has been happening for 6 years!

So his dad thinks it's a price to pay to have his son to come and stay with you both?

The boy will never change. Why will he when he's been getting away with it for so long.

So forget about taking his stuff to pay for a new TV. Just pack it all up with his other stuff and call his mum to come and get him.

Then deal with his dad separately. If his dad doesn't like it tell him he can follow his son out the door too. Life is too short be a door mat and be afraid in your own house.

And his dad thinks it's okay for it to be

Notanidiot · 23/04/2019 23:11

Aargh!! Must scroll down further.

So forget the last line of my previous post.

Original poster

changed1 · 24/04/2019 00:23

Theres no reasoning with his mother if you say one word about him shes threating you or will refuse to allow SS to come over.

I've took the consoles and hes smashed his room up and shouted abuse at me for the last 3+ hours So more damage mug here will have to pay for.

His father is at work and not called/text back yet and his mother is away until Saturday so nowhere to send him. But this is the last time I will have him on my own

Im actually frightened of a 13 year old as crazy as that sounds Something as got to change and I will not give in on this!

OP posts:

EKGEMS · 24/04/2019 01:39

I'd be tempted to call the police to sort his ass out if his father won't respond

Alicewond · 24/04/2019 01:42

It’s up to his dad to apply the punishments and up to the child to choose to agree or not. You can only stand back and decide if you want to stay if dad backs down

BetLynchStyle · 24/04/2019 01:43

Phone the police. It sounds like he has all of the power in the relationship and things need to change.

I hope your DH backs you up

Alicewond · 24/04/2019 01:44

And you are well within your rights to refuse to babysit!

Aprillygirl · 24/04/2019 05:29

I wouldn't have him back in my house op. Why the fuck should you feel scared in your own home? He has serious anger issues,which his mother and father are not addressing, so he will only get worse (and scarier) as he gets older. He,and his useless mum are taking the total piss out of of you,so turn the tables on them and ban him from the house. His dad will just have to spend time with HIS child elsewhere.

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