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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

13 year old punched TV

78 replies

changed1 · 23/04/2019 21:17

My 13 year old ss has punched the TV in a Fortnite rage, this is the second time hes done this in 3 months.
I'm absolutely furious, I've told him we will be taking his xbox and his iPad to pay for a replacement. He told me to fuck off and that I couldn't take his things. I told him that if my money pays for it and it's under my roof I can.
His dad is still at work but I've had a few aggressive texts from his mother telling me I have no right and threatening to come sort me out her words. Hes now laughing at me because he knows all he has to say is he will never see his dad again and it's all forgotten.
For 6 years hes smashed and broke countless things in this house and I'm sick of him getting away with things through threatening not to come. Wibu to just take them and sell them. Why should I keep spending my money so he can smash or break things if it was one of my own children this is what I would do. We have joint finances but I earn almost double my partner so it's not like I haven't paid for these things.

OP posts:
AuditAngel · 24/04/2019 05:40

I would support others, you should not be dealing with this on your own. As it has been happening for 6 years, they are not dealing with it. I would also point out that at 13, he will soon be getting a lot bigger physically soon, and you are already frightened of him.

Something has to change.

WhoWants2Know · 24/04/2019 06:22

I agree that the police are a reasonable response to a person smashing up your house.

Bloomburger · 24/04/2019 06:33

I've seen this sort of scenario before where the mother ended up having a panic button installed by the police after she let her son get away with this sort of behaviour.

Please ring the police now. It'll hopefully be the intervention your SS needs as his parents are failing him and at some stage he'll exhibit this behaviour outside of your four walls and either end up being arrested or beaten up.

acomingin · 24/04/2019 08:48

I hope the called the police, OP. Never have him in your home again. Never. No one should be scared in their own home. DH can book a hotel to see him.

Sickandsurprised2019 · 24/04/2019 09:29

Call the police OP, 13 year olds can be pretty tall, wouldn't want my 13 year old dn aggressive and violent around me. He could turn violent to you.

You have a massive dh issue if he won't discipline though.

LucyAutumn · 24/04/2019 09:34

Wow, you are definitely right to punish this behaviour and stand your ground OP. Your partner and his ex need to support you as it sounds like SS is becoming a violent and manipulative person.

Pinkyyy · 24/04/2019 09:39

You absolutely need to make your DH aware of the threats you have received from him and his DM. If he does nothing then you report it.

Hattifnatt88 · 24/04/2019 09:43

This boy is at risk (highly) to become a very abusive adult. I think he needs some form of therapy, this is absolutely not normal, not acceptable, not okay at all. Refuse to have him alone.

Soubriquet · 24/04/2019 09:45

So what has happened OP?

Has your dh agreed with you?

I would be selling everything that triggers a rage to replace what he has broken and then refuse to baby sit until his behaviour improves

thesnapandfartisinfallible · 24/04/2019 09:47

I agree, call the police. Perfectly reasonable response to an angry aggressive teenager smashing up your house. If he gets gobby with them they'll arrest him and his mother too if she decides to 'sort you out'

mummmy2017 · 24/04/2019 09:47

Ban him from using the TV for his game ..
Send it home.. so he can't play at your house...

IncrediblySadToo · 24/04/2019 09:54

Call the police?

Some 13 year olds are man sized is he?

If his mother is away how is she going to ‘come over and sort you out’?

Tell her she can arrange someone to pick him up within the hour or you’ll call the police & one more threat from her and you’ll be calling the police anyway

He wouldn’t be coming back to my house again and if DP didn’t like that, he could leave.

He’s like this at 13, WTAF is he going to be like at 15/17/19? Still, that’s his parents problem. Your responsibility is to keep yourself and your children safe and in a good environment.

mummyhaschangedhername · 24/04/2019 09:59

Call the police. He's smashing up your house and being verbally abusive.

NotSoThinLizzy · 24/04/2019 10:01

If you can stand it simply dont buy a new TV (or hide the TV everytime he comes) then he'll have nothing to play the xbox on. If he asks why you're not getting a new one say you can't afford it as he keeps breaking it. Then your not punishing him so the mum wouldn't be able to say anything 😂

SuchAToDo · 24/04/2019 10:05

Op if he has broke the tv...don't replace it, when dh asks why he can't watch tv, tell him His son broke it and that YOU are not paying to replace ANOTHER broken item out of YOUR wages again just for him to come and smash it...tell him.if he can't control his son, then he can't stay anymore...it's your home too,

As for your stepsons mother, if she is threatening you either by text or phone, report her to the police...stop the bitching her tracks, let her know (and her son see) that violent words and behaviour has consequences...

Don't put up with it anymore because as the stepson gets older and bigger he will get worse, he has no respect for you and already will smash up your house with no fear of reprisals...next he will be hitting you

Stop.it now while.you still can

PlinkPlink · 24/04/2019 12:11

I know you're seeing red here but take a moment to calm down. You're the adult and as such you have the capability to do this.

You cant take away his things. However, you can insist that those items never enter your house again. Send him home with the xbox and whatever else. He is not to return to your house again with them. Simple as.

Insist that after he goes home, he never enters your home again. Your partner should be the one to pay and replace the items his son has damaged. That's a simple one.
Future meet ups with dad and ss can be elsewhere. Go for days out etc. But your house is not a trashing ground and until the ss can be trusted and can show you he is sorry for the error in his ways, he should not be allowed back to the house.
His dad is entitled to see his son but there's no way you should put up with this. He needs to realise there are consequences in life.

Those seem to be sensible solutions although I'm not too sure about the practicality of always going out somewhere to meet ss. It's not always feasible.

The mum you can ignore. Ridiculous way to behave for an adult, no wonder her son reacts the way he does.

LIZS · 24/04/2019 12:20

How did his mum find out, has he got a phone too? Think you need to remove consoles etc in your house and ensure your dh is there when he is.

5LeafClover · 24/04/2019 12:24

If you are parent enough to be 'adult in charge' then you are in a position to set boundaries or you refuse to do it. His dad needs to recognise your input and step up for everyone's sake.

mbosnz · 24/04/2019 12:25

Do you think his Dad would respond if you told him that your next call will be to the police?

Sweetpea55 · 24/04/2019 12:27

What a horrible kid... And his mother doesn't sound much better

mummmy2017 · 24/04/2019 12:28

I think you call his dad, say sort this now ..

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 24/04/2019 12:32

Call the police , its Domestic Violence, just because its a teenager doenst make it any the less so.

I'd report her texts for harrassment and threatening behaviour too.

It's all very well for us to say, we cant wave a magic wand, and in this situation the Mother does have the power, she can withhold contact, and the father wont want this or allow it. .

But in reality we all know you wont call the police or bar the SS and you will replace the telly.

Only thing you can do is refuse to have him in the house alone with you

Simply, I wouldnt be with a bloke who didn't put ME first. You're so far down the pecking order.

Branleuse · 24/04/2019 12:32

I would consider leaving. Fuck them all to hell

mcmen71 · 24/04/2019 12:33

Take him and drop him with dh at his work let him sort him out.
The threat of not letting dh seeing him Id say wouldn't last long if he acts like that in his own house is mum will be glad of a break.

Babooshkar · 24/04/2019 12:35

I'd be very tempted to call the police - he will never learn.

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