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Original poster

13 year old punched TV

78 replies

changed1 · 23/04/2019 21:17

My 13 year old ss has punched the TV in a Fortnite rage, this is the second time hes done this in 3 months.
I'm absolutely furious, I've told him we will be taking his xbox and his iPad to pay for a replacement. He told me to fuck off and that I couldn't take his things. I told him that if my money pays for it and it's under my roof I can.
His dad is still at work but I've had a few aggressive texts from his mother telling me I have no right and threatening to come sort me out her words. Hes now laughing at me because he knows all he has to say is he will never see his dad again and it's all forgotten.
For 6 years hes smashed and broke countless things in this house and I'm sick of him getting away with things through threatening not to come. Wibu to just take them and sell them. Why should I keep spending my money so he can smash or break things if it was one of my own children this is what I would do. We have joint finances but I earn almost double my partner so it's not like I haven't paid for these things.

OP posts:
PregnantSea · 24/04/2019 12:38

I wouldn't have him back in the house. He's clearly learned this behaviour from his mother, and if she is the primary carer then it's not going to get better. Any normal person would agree that a 13yr old intentionally smashing expensive items is punishable behaviour. If she's not on side with that then there is nothing you can do. Being supportive and giving third and fourth chances will not work if he's not sorry, doesn't care and has the back up of his violent mother.

Tell your DH exactly what he's said - that he thinks he can do whatever he wants if he threatens to never see his dad again. Says it all really. He's not bothered about seeing his dad, he just likes manipulating the situation so he doesn't have to follow rules. It's heartbreaking but your DH needs to have a good long think about this whole situation, and not have his son to visit in the meantime. Perhaps he can go to their house to visit, or meet at a cafe or something. But I wouldn't have him back in the house for a long time. These circumstances aren't usual. If your DH refuses to back you up on this then I'd be seriously considering moving to my own place. At least then you won't be in fear in your own house.

frasersmummy · 24/04/2019 12:43

I have a teenage son with similiar rages .. but he has a proper reason and we are getting help with this matter which is making life better

Selling his xbox etc is not going to make the situation any better.. its just going to make him madder and resent you

If you want to continue to have him in your home and family .. you need to sit him down and make a list of house rules and consequences and you both sign it .

I know this sounds glib and very super nanny but honestly I found it stopped the rage escalating. and it also eliminates the need for you to respond .

he knows what he is doing/has done and knows the consequences .. whether its stopped pocket money, grounding whatever you feel is appropriate

I would make sure that threatening not to come back is listed with a consequence as well..

It may be as well that the anger is covering rejection and hurt as his parents are seperated.. he maybe needs some counselling

But I do think seeing as you are on your own with him at times that its you that needs to set the list

and give parent line a call they are fab in these kinda circumstances

Bringbackthestripes · 24/04/2019 12:45

I too think police.

If things are smoothed over and he continues to see your DH then I certainly wouldn’t have the TV replaced, leave him without, and definately not have him in the house if DH isn’t there.

CurtainsOpen · 24/04/2019 12:46

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Inniu · 24/04/2019 12:46

If his mother is away until Saturday it is all empty threats. As for him saying he won’t come back would his mother really back him up on that if it meant organising alternative childcare?

slipperywhensparticus · 24/04/2019 12:48

Tell DP if he doesn't reply the police will be called and they can all do one

You are not a babysitter it's his son

Lizzie48 · 24/04/2019 13:59

This is horrendous. I think you need to tell your DH that you will never allow yourself to be alone with your SS again, and stick to your guns.

Adversecamber22 · 24/04/2019 14:18

Some people just shouldn’t game, I say this as a lifelong gamer. They have other issues and because gaming causes lots of intense feelings, it just magnifies them. I have had to block people in the past who became this rage filled while gaming. Two admitted to having ADHD.

At this level of violence and behaviour I would be breaking up with my partner. It’s no way to live, if it’s been going on so long what has his Father done about the situation ?

Rinoachicken · 24/04/2019 14:46

Adding my voice to the ‘call the police’ team - you should never ever be made to feel afraid in your own house.

You mentioned you have other children, how old are they?

CoffeeDeprivation · 25/04/2019 20:20

Are you ok, OP? we have not heard from you since your post about being frightened... :(

DizzyPhillips · 25/04/2019 20:29

They sound rough as fuck. Leave and don’t look back. This kid will ruin your life.

juliewheeler · 27/04/2019 10:44

I understand your pain. I had real problems with my 13 year old. Aggressive, rude and obsessed with Xbox.

Got a device call Qtime. It rations his time on the Xbox with an app and gadget. All the agression went on the Qtime initially and now he accepts it. Peace is restored.

gingerbiscuits · 27/04/2019 11:07

I'd be getting out of the entire relationship as soon as. For 6yrs your partner has allowed this to happen???? He clearly doesn't give a shit about you. Leave them all to it.

Cheby · 27/04/2019 11:11

What did your partner do OP? I hope you’re ok. If he wasn’t prepared to step up and discipline his son I’m afraid that would be the end of the relationship for me.

MrMeSeeks · 27/04/2019 11:45

He wouldn't be coming back

QueenBeex · 27/04/2019 11:48

tell him he's no longer allowed to have a game console of any sort in your house

QueenBeex · 27/04/2019 11:51

Also, the ss has smashed your property and the mother has threatened you, that's enough to call the police unless dh will deal with it in a way you see fit.

Cataline · 27/04/2019 11:59

I hope you managed to get something sorted about this OP. It's no way to live!

Teddybear45 · 27/04/2019 12:05

Next time call the police.

Ruru8thestars · 27/04/2019 12:09

That’s terrible

hazell42 · 27/04/2019 13:20

PlinkPlink gives some very sensible advice. Worth listening to.

The fact is, he does have you over a barrel, and he knows it. So you need to change the rules of the game. Dont have him if your husband is not there. He is his responsibility

Dont have him in your home.

At the first sign of trouble, take him home.

Realistically, unless you are going to press charges you can't call the police.
They are very busy and you cant waste their resources to scare him straight. You could have him arrested but I don't think that you want to do that

You need to speak plainly to your husband and he needs to be prepared for the fallout with his ex. But it is his mess and he has to sort it

No matter how willing you are, you are not helping the situation.

Fiveredbricks · 27/04/2019 13:22

Phone the police. Also stop being a babysitter. If Dad is at work then SS is at Mums.

NannyRed · 27/04/2019 13:45

Start parenting your out of control child now or forever regret it.

This is far from normal behaviour. Take away the games system, grounded will probably be best, get them ‘working’ to earn their privileges back. So homework done, bedroom cleaned, then trash out, pets fed etc.

Or, carry on being a mug and pass your child’s brat like behaviour onto some poor girl/Guy when he eventually leaves home. No wonder mumsnet I s Full f so many ‘I hat my mil’ threads.

TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 27/04/2019 13:48

Why is he at your house when his Dad is at work??

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 27/04/2019 13:51

@NannyRed - Start parenting your out of control child now or forever regret it. It isn't the OPs child, RTFT properly

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