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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that when new partners are introduced

54 replies

PinkGlitter123 · 23/04/2019 15:33

To young children, it usually follows that in the next few months that partner is moved into the family home or vice versa?

OP posts:

Orlandointhewilderness · 23/04/2019 15:42

Yes YABU. I introduced my partner to my child over 3 years ago. We are moving in together this summer after taking everything very steadily and making sure she was 100% happy with everything.

RaffertyFair · 23/04/2019 15:47

next few months

I'd hope not! That is s very short amount of time for everyone concerned to get to know each other let alone consider living together.

Original poster

PinkGlitter123 · 23/04/2019 15:48

I mean if a couple had been together for about 10 months, would it be unreasonable to assume they will soon move in together?

OP posts:

cheesydoesit · 23/04/2019 15:51

It would be too soon for me personally.

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/04/2019 15:52

Yes, everyone’s different.

gamerchick · 23/04/2019 15:52

I wouldn't expect to move in somewhere that had young kids at 10 months in or if I had young kids. It's too soon.

Furrydogmum · 23/04/2019 15:53

Highly unreasonable.. Too many relationships falter and it is unfair on children to be dragged into step family situations too quickly - I've seen the chaos it brings recently.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 23/04/2019 15:53

Ther would have to be good financial reason to ship someone in. the loss of benefits is usually huge, going from a single parent to couple.

traveller11 · 23/04/2019 15:53

I think it would be unreasonable to assume. But not unreasonable to ask the couple (I'm guessing it's your children have been introduced to a potential step parent)

Me and my partner have been together 18 months, no sign of moving in any time soon and very involved with eachother's children

PodgeBod · 23/04/2019 15:54

That's usually what happens IME

Holidayshopping · 23/04/2019 15:56

No, I wouldn’t assume that at all! 10 months is nothing.

EvilDog · 23/04/2019 15:57

Me and dp have been together since 2016, met each other’s dc quite quickly (about 5/6 months, but they’re all mid teens)

We still don’t live together, and no plans to until the dc are all finished exams and moved out!

Boom45 · 23/04/2019 15:59

Not in my experience, friends of mine that are not with the father of their children any more have generally waited until they are sure the relationship will last before they introduce a new partner but that introduction hasn't led quickly to living together. Its a big step, i think they've wanted to take their time for themselves and their children.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 23/04/2019 16:00

Absolutely not.

DS met (now) DH very informally after about 6 months, didn't become a more permanent fixture in DS's life for another 6 months and it was probably 12 months after that when we got a house together.

Everyone's different.

Boom45 · 23/04/2019 16:01

Although my best friend's ex introduced his new partner to his children after they'd moved in together so clearly there are lots of different ways of doing it.....

lyralalala · 23/04/2019 16:02

It's unreasonable to assume, but if they are your children involved then not unreasonable to ask if that is the plan.

I met DS, and DH met my DDs, after 8 months. We holidayed together group after 18 months. we didn't move in together until we'd been together 3 years.

LtJudyHopps · 23/04/2019 16:04

You know what happens when you assume...

MirandaWest · 23/04/2019 16:08

Everyone is different. My two met now DH when I’d been seeing him for about 6 months. We moved in together (to a different house) 2.5 years later

InsertFunnyUsername · 23/04/2019 16:08

No i wouldn't assume it would be in the next few months.

Ellenborough · 23/04/2019 16:11

I don't know. I met more of my mum's boyfriends than I could even remember or name now. They all stayed overnight but none ever moved in. It wasn't for want of her trying though - it just never worked out for long enough to get that far.

She made up for it in later life, moving three men in in quick succession and being pretty fucking miserable with at least two of them and I suspect with the third, now. Not that she'd admit it, the idiot.

RaffertyFair · 23/04/2019 16:12

What are you actually asking OP?
You say I mean if a couple had been together for about 10 months, would it be unreasonable to assume they will soon move in together?

The decision to set up home with a partner when there are children involved is much more complex just than the number of months since they met the children

SleepingSloth · 23/04/2019 16:14

It does seem common to do this but I think it's way too soon. I don't think you truly know anyone after 10 months. I'd say most relationships are great for the first year or two, it's after this that you really get to know someone. I don't understand the need for new partners to be introduced to children so soon and I definitely don't think they should be moved in with children within a year. People should be a lot more cautious with their children and consider how it feels for children to have someone that isn't very familiar to them living in their house. I would have hated it and I know my children would feel the same. It's their home where they should be able to completely relax.

Mari50 · 23/04/2019 16:15

Judging from a lot of the posts I’ve read on here in the past YANBU in thinking that, however in my opinion it’s selfish and totally premature to move someone you barely know into your home with your children. It’s one of the things I am routinely agog at about MN. If you are single with no dependents then do as you like- move in the next day if you want but with children you need to take things slower.

RaffertyFair · 23/04/2019 16:16

It's also more complex than the number of months that thr couple have known each other.
Theres no mathematical formula, but whatever the circumstances it shouldn't be just a few months after meeting small children

Ellenborough · 23/04/2019 16:19

I don't understand the need for new partners to be introduced to children so soon and I definitely don't think they should be moved in with children within a year. People should be a lot more cautious with their children and consider how it feels for children to have someone that isn't very familiar to them living in their house.

Totally agree with this. Problem is, I think most single mums agree in theory but then they get the fanny gallops and lose all perspective. Before you know it they are completely in denial about how irresponsible and selfish they are being and Mr Lover Lover has met the kids and moved in in super-quick time because 'I've had abusive relationships in the past so I know a really good man when I see one.'

Some women just can't deal with being on their own and focusing on their kids for more than a few weeks at a time.

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