To think that when new partners are introduced

[PinkGlitter123]

To young children, it usually follows that in the next few months that partner is moved into the family home or vice versa?

Kids can be funny buggers though. Not saying someone should have a serious of men coming in and out of people's lives or abusive, nasty men. But if someone holds off to wait for their dcs approval in every instance, the dc are usually going to pick having the parent all to themselves or start acting difficult when if they just gave it a chance it would be ok. Then a few years down the line the dc bugger off to leave home or go to uni not giving two hoots about home or their parent whilst the parent is stuck to pick up the (lone) pieces.

Seen it happen.

By all means ensure you don't invite a string of feckless men into your home or abusive ones but the ones who say "we waited 2 years until my dc met him then waited another 5 before he moved in because my dc just weren't sure.." I'm sure the dc would've been fine without pandering waited quite so long and it all sounds very noble.

I remember being 7 and meeting my DSM for the first time. She came to dinner and never left. I was very confused.

A FB acquaintance has just introduced a new partner to her son, who is maybe 7 or 8.
She is still living with her ex-husband (and child), and is regularly bad-mouthing him on FB for going out with his new GF. It's an absolute $hit-show.
Their poor kid must be so confused.

I don't see much benefit to waiting years for your partner to meet dc. There's a risk it's only really working well because you're only seeing your partner child free (which is massively different to seeing them whilst being "mum") then when said partner does meet dc because you think your 2/3 year relationship is solid, they have to share you with dc and the dynamics change completely and partner may just think it's not going to work. You've just wasted 2 years and the dc have met the partner anyway so why wait so long.

A lot of men would love to just have time with the mum child free for as long as possible, then things change when he has to share her with her dc.

Waiting a long time isn't always the best way. Just introduce the partner as a friend and see how you all get on together in a casual way first rather than keeping them completely separate.