Wanting to tell my step daughter never to come back here!!

[Ordinarymamma]

So, I've been married for 25 years and my DH has got 3 children from a previous relationship. Obviously these are now adults and I've been part of their lives since they were young. The eldest daughter of them is 35. She is the one I have a problem with. She has always been similar to her mum, my DH ex. Moody, grumpy, lazy and over weight. Severely over weight. Her house is very messy. None of that is my problem and I have never really spoke to her about that. In the past, when she's mentioned that things are getting difficult for her, I've offered to come and help her with the house work. I'm a very house proud person and I do expect everyone to take their shoes off when they come to my house. I've know this girl since she was a little child and yet I still have to ask her, and her children, every time they come here. I have to ask her to tell her children to stop jumping on my furniture, I would never allow my children to do that so why would I let others do it? So anyway today, for Easter, we had all his children and grand children, and our children of course, here for Easter dinner. She always walks in with a grumpy attitude. The mood changes as soon as she arrives. She never asks can she help with anything, she just sits there and if she talks, she moans. This is how she always is. She won't even look at me and although I'm the person that has made all the food, made the cake, bought her children Easter eggs, she won't even say thanks or goodbye to me. Totally ignores me and jus says thanks and bye to her dad. Same with her children, she doesn't make sure they say thanks or bye so they don't. I said to my husband after she left that she doesn't need to bother coming next time, she just drains the energy out of everyone. What should I do?? It is my husbands daughter after all but surely this is a ridiculous situation?

[Crunchymum]

I'm overweight and lazy OP. I also couldn't walk for 6 months last year (was eventually diagnosed with arthritis and am now medicated and can walk again!!)

I am guessing you aren't overweight OP? Otherwise you would have more understanding of the complexities of it all. Fat people usually arent far just because they overeat. They overeat because they have other issues in their lives.... and they hate themselves for their overeating..... and they can sometimes be bastards to those close to them as their hatred of themselves cannot always be contained

Be kind OP. I'm fat and I struggle and someone like yourself would have my back up!!

[Ginger1982]

But were you the other woman?

[Mummyshark2019]

Yes this is all very rude OP. You come across as having a real hatred towards this girl. It must show IRL.

[TheFormidableMrsC]

I think the SD knows that OP hates her and judges her so reacts in kind. Imagine being that bitter and nasty that you still have to get shitty digs in at SD's mother after 25 years?

[headinhands]

Stopped reading when you said she was like your dh's ex.

[HarrysOwl]

I'm actually a nice person and I'm not a horrible step mother.

Just a critical, judgemental person, then?

I'll bet your step daughter knows exactly how much contempt you have for her. And comparing her to her mother reveals your motive for disliking her.

I bet your negative opinion of her really permiates from you and she's sullen because she's so uncomfortable. I feel for her.

I'm glad you're not my step mother.

[Bobbindobbin]

What exactly has her weight go to do with it???

[ScrewyMcScrewup]

It's not her fault that you have insecurity issues and are jealous of her mother, even after 25 years. I hope you can find some counselling to help you be a better person

[Aprillygirl]

Her weight,laziness and state of her house is really not your concern. Her rudeness and lack of consideration and respect of your home is. Your husband needs to have a word with her,and if he refuses or things don't change I wouldn't invite her round again.

[Catchingbentcoppers]

@Ordinarymamma, can I ask why you mentioned that she is overweight? I'm asking genuinely as I'm not sure why it would be relevant.

[bloomingrose83]

Your step daughter sounds like a rude, lazy disrespectful slob. All you’ve done is give a good honest description of her. I knew it wouldn’t go down well, but that’s Aibu for you, you have to be so careful with your words because the “offended at anything”. brigade are ready to pounce as always.

Unless she learns to show some respect I definitely wouldn’t have her again.

[DavetheCat2001]

I sense the OP ain't coming back..

[Bobbindobbin]

Would you call a slim person a slob !?

[fc301]

So the only opinions you wanted to hear were the ones that accord with your own?

AIBU is perhaps not your spiritual home!

[luckylavender]

You've been very careful not to answer any questions put to you about your step-daughter. I imagine it's pretty clear to her how you feel.

[TheFormidableMrsC]

@bloomingrose83 I might agree if we had the other side to the story...I am far from the "offended at anything" brigade but OP has made her hatred clear, her jealously of her ex-wife clear, her contempt for SD clear. I speak as the mother of an ASD child who is treated with similar contempt by ex-h's girlfriend of 5 years. She also refers to me in terms that are not only completely false, but quite frankly defamatory because it suits her narrative to do so. I still maintain from the description that SD couldn't give a shit...and I don't blame her.

[Marriedwithchildren5]

Does it matter if op was the ow? Sd really either should have moved on or cut the op out of her life if it was still an issue. Sd sounds miserable and letting her children run wild whilst a guest is really rude.

[FireFighter999]

Their also your DH Grandkids your moaning about. I think its clear from your OP your clear hate you have for her, i mean telling us she is severely overweight was nasty and uncalled for.

[Sparklesocks]

bloomingrose83 I think that’s quite an overreaction, you can point out that someone is being a bit harsh about someone else’s weight/house condition and that doesn’t mean you are offended.

[EL8888]

@bloomingrose83 yes this. I don’t see why people need to put up with rudeness and ignorance especially in their own home. Part of me would be tempted not to give food / drink / Easter eggs until she says please and thank you

I have some family members who are like this. I don’t have much to do with them and they don’t come to my house

[MummyCool19]

Why don’t you call her children your grandchildren?

[EL8888]

What does you husband say / do about her behaviour?

[HarrysOwl]

@bloomingrose83 hardly - we've got one side, littered with resentment and criticism.

OP clearly doesn't care about whether she's being unreasonable, she's looking for an echo chamber.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

The reason for asking if you were the other woman was not to bash you OP but it would help throw some light of you and your Step daughters relationship/ history.
Assuming you were, she prob still holds some resentment even as a grown adult- also the “rules” you have about shoes in your house etc, unfortunately prob make her feel like a guest in what would otherwise just be her dads home

[tashac89]

What stands out here for me is you've been in this girls life as her step mother since she was ten yet it's all 'his grandkids'. After that long you don't see the children as your grandkids too? Lots of 'my husband' and then the 'and our kids of course'. It says a lot about how you feel about them. If my step mother was that way towards my children I wouldn't have them around her.