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AIBU?

Wanting to tell my step daughter never to come back here!!

164 replies

Ordinarymamma · 22/04/2019 20:19

So, I've been married for 25 years and my DH has got 3 children from a previous relationship. Obviously these are now adults and I've been part of their lives since they were young. The eldest daughter of them is 35. She is the one I have a problem with. She has always been similar to her mum, my DH ex. Moody, grumpy, lazy and over weight. Severely over weight. Her house is very messy. None of that is my problem and I have never really spoke to her about that. In the past, when she's mentioned that things are getting difficult for her, I've offered to come and help her with the house work. I'm a very house proud person and I do expect everyone to take their shoes off when they come to my house. I've know this girl since she was a little child and yet I still have to ask her, and her children, every time they come here. I have to ask her to tell her children to stop jumping on my furniture, I would never allow my children to do that so why would I let others do it? So anyway today, for Easter, we had all his children and grand children, and our children of course, here for Easter dinner. She always walks in with a grumpy attitude. The mood changes as soon as she arrives. She never asks can she help with anything, she just sits there and if she talks, she moans. This is how she always is. She won't even look at me and although I'm the person that has made all the food, made the cake, bought her children Easter eggs, she won't even say thanks or goodbye to me. Totally ignores me and jus says thanks and bye to her dad. Same with her children, she doesn't make sure they say thanks or bye so they don't. I said to my husband after she left that she doesn't need to bother coming next time, she just drains the energy out of everyone. What should I do?? It is my husbands daughter after all but surely this is a ridiculous situation?

OP posts:

Report

LillithsFamiliar · 22/04/2019 20:48

- obviously you won't eat it but you can tidy it away

Carolcool · 22/04/2019 20:48

Stepmother threads like this make me sad.
You sound like a horrible stepmother.

Carpetburns · 22/04/2019 20:50

Not sure that her weight has any relevance to your post

steff13 · 22/04/2019 20:50

This is one of those threads where I'd like hear the other side of the story.

Ordinarymamma · 22/04/2019 20:50

Carol cool, so as a stepmother I should be putting up with all kinds of shit? Don't think so somehow. If that's what a stepmother does, yeah I must be the worst one going.

OP posts:

AbsentmindedWoman · 22/04/2019 20:51

God some people are nasty. Overweight does not mean lazy. I can't believe that's still trotted out.

Freddiesfling · 22/04/2019 20:51

You sound incredibly judgemental! She is your husbands daughter so despite how
You feel, he should love her for who she is.. being overweight doesn’t always equate to being lazy... but on the other side of the coin manners are free and she should have used them particularly if you went to as much effort as you state! No ones perfect.. maybe try to build bridges with her for your husbands sake!

AbsentmindedWoman · 22/04/2019 20:52

You sound like you really look down your nose at her, OP. People notice these things.

user1473878824 · 22/04/2019 20:52

Over weight and lazy just like his ex. Can’t imagine being this bitter for 25 years.

Sparklesocks · 22/04/2019 20:52

I think the issue people have taken with is that the weight/house condition is a separate issue to her being impolite at your home. It just comes off as you slagging her off about irrelevant things. Not all overweight people are lazy.

It doesn’t paint you in a good light so somewhat dilutes sympathy for your position.

Tinkoschminko · 22/04/2019 20:52

This list drips with insidious criticism. Imagine 25 years of it!

smallereveryday · 22/04/2019 20:52

Having been that overweight, lazy person . (Overweight makes you lazy because it's such a fucking effort) - I still feel your pain OP. There is still no excuse for the sullen attitude. You still have to make the effort.

As for the 'were you the OW ??? 25 yrs ago ?? Sorry - irrelevant.. He obviously made the right choice. Believe it to not sometimes people marry the wrong person first time round.

incogneto · 22/04/2019 20:53

OP I really don't think you are being judgemental at all so I don't know why you're getting flamed on this thread.

It's your house at the end of the day and she should respect that and not turn up with a bad attitude.

cheeseypizza · 22/04/2019 20:53

What stood out for me was that you continually referred to your step grandchildren as "her children", yet you have been in her life since she was a small child. Do you not consider her children as your grankids? Maybe she senses your dislike for her and thinks "fuck it", I know I would if I was her. Your attitude stinks OP.

FaFoutis · 22/04/2019 20:53

She's obviously like that with you because she knows what you think about her.
Next time go out and leave her with her father.

Treaclesweet · 22/04/2019 20:53

Have been this horrible about her since she was 10?

TheFormidableMrsC · 22/04/2019 20:53

No, you made a point of comparing her to her mother, whose presence must be an issue if you need to do that after 25 years. Upthread, somebody asked if you were the OW and you didn't answer. People who are "lazy, overweight and messy" as you describe usually have a shit ton of other issues they are dealing with. If you don't like her, tell your husband and tell him you won't have her in the house again and then you can concentrate on all of those that are not overweight and lazy and take their shoes off.

Tinkoschminko · 22/04/2019 20:54

Lilleths Or offer it to SDD and smirk while she eats it.

smallereveryday · 22/04/2019 20:55

Tinkoschminko - Or 25 yrs of a pain in the arse ?

SoupDragon · 22/04/2019 20:56

She is the one I have a problem with

And the rest of them

Tinkoschminko · 22/04/2019 20:57

Maybe so, but I still don’t think you’d be that judgemental of someone would you?

GetOffTheTableMabel · 22/04/2019 20:57

It’s not acceptable for her to refuse to acknowledge you in your own home.
It is entirely acceptable for her to be fat in your home and to take a different attitude to housekeeping.
I am sure you have always spoken to her politely but I also think she is probably well aware that you neither like or approve of her.
You can hardly be expected to enjoy the company of someone who seems to stop just short of being actively hostile towards you but she knows you don’t like her. I think killing this attitude with kindness is absolutely the way to go. Try and create a new, pleasant atmosphere yourself and, if after a few visits she really won’t warm up then you’ll feel less conflicted about bringing things to a head.
Your husband should support you because you deserve to be treated with basic manners in your own home. She needn’t come if she can’t muster up a little graciousness.

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Downthecanal · 22/04/2019 20:57

I have a family member like this. She has had a dreadful couple of years and it’s really taken it’s toll.

I tried killing with kindness but I know she is sneering inside at people who do nice things for her. I’m at the point were i just can’t continuously pour good energy in to her.

OP she is a grown woman now so is fully aware of her actions. Don’t invite her any more. You owe her nothing.

Hecateh · 22/04/2019 20:58

Maybe if you have to keep having her to yours for your husband's sake then arrange 2 separate events. One for her and her children - where you serve cheap easy food and the real one for the rest of the family.

If she says anything then just tell her its clear that she doesn't enjoy the big events as 'whatever she does or says that shows this' so you thought you would try and do something that works better for her.

OK so it's PA but sometimes it can work - it sure does for others LOL

barryfromclareisfit · 22/04/2019 20:59

Gosh, OP, did you mean to be so rude?

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