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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu

58 replies

Miss42 · 22/04/2019 18:38

Been with partner 20 odd years,his son is getting married and I ain’t invited, just so upset with this it’s causing massive arguments between us, when ask partner that’s all he says is it’s not my wedding, but his sons fiancée parents are going with different partners, my partner says I have no respect for him cause I keep on about it so anybody think aibu thanks

OP posts:
DisplayPurposesOnly · 22/04/2019 18:43

Do you know why you haven't been invited?

FissionChips · 22/04/2019 18:43

YABU to keep going on about it, they can invite whoever they like.

Original poster
Miss42 · 22/04/2019 18:44

No just keep being told it’s awkward

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 22/04/2019 18:46

Di you get on with his mum?

DisplayPurposesOnly · 22/04/2019 18:48

If I got married and didn't invite my divorced parents' longterm partners, I think both of them would have strong words with me.

It does seem unreasonable but it's hard to say without knowing more.

Your partner can't make his son invite you. What's your relationship like apart from this?

FissionChips · 22/04/2019 18:49

Do you want your partner to pressure them into inviting you?

Original poster
Miss42 · 22/04/2019 18:51

I don’t speak with his mother, but have good relationship with his son and fiancée, we all been out together and things,his grand children stay here,so not really sure and don’t want to ask

OP posts:
Original poster
Miss42 · 22/04/2019 18:53

No don’t want him to pressure him, just really hurt I ain’t been invited in the first place

OP posts:
NoBaggyPants · 22/04/2019 18:53

If you don't get on with his mum you can surely understand that the day could be very awkward with you there? Why don't you speak?

formerbabe · 22/04/2019 18:53

Were you the other woman? If so, then I kind of understand. If not, it's very rude considering you are such a long term partner.

DantesInferno · 22/04/2019 18:55

like other said, if you were the OW then its obvious why not

Original poster
Miss42 · 22/04/2019 18:56

No wasn’t the other woman and I can understand it being awkward but yet I’m good enough to watch children when she got no one else when she works, so to me it’s like I’m being used I don’t know if that’s the right way to put it

OP posts:
formerbabe · 22/04/2019 19:02

It's very rude

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 22/04/2019 19:02

In the nicest possible way, it might be that it would've too difficult for his mum if you're there too, and therefore he's prioritised her above you, iyswim? I don't know what the history is or how things came about, but if you normally get on well it may be more about his mum's feelings than his own. The only way to find out whether it's more personal than that is to ask, and if you don't want to ask, you need to let it go so you don't dwell on how much it's upsetting you.

Expressedways · 22/04/2019 19:06

We deliberately booked our wedding for a date that we knew DH’s stepmother couldn’t make. His father was the one that actually suggested it. His mother and her side wouldn’t have come otherwise and it was far more important to have them there than the stepmother DH doesn’t even have a relationship with. My guess is this is something similar and the Ex won’t be in the same room as you. However, unless the wedding is being financed from you and your DP’s joint account or something then you don’t really have a leg to stand on and you can’t make them invite you. I completely see why you’re upset though as it sounds like you’re quite close to your stepson. Can you ask them for an explanation?

Original poster
Miss42 · 22/04/2019 19:06

Yeh think I have to some how o other,just can’t get my around it,if we only been together months then I would understand that

OP posts:
CalmdownJanet · 22/04/2019 19:06

Fact: It's the last time i'd babysit for the them!

I can't believe the couple getting married haven't addressed this with you at all

TixieLix · 22/04/2019 19:07

Does his mum have a new partner and are they being invited?

Original poster
Miss42 · 22/04/2019 19:08

I could ask but don’t want to lower myself to ask

OP posts:
pessimisticstateofperception · 22/04/2019 19:09

If you don't get on with his mum I can understand why he would prioritise her over you.

I get that it hurts but he may well be getting pressure from his Mum and I wouldn't want to add to that.

I would probably invite them for a meal with the kids and your husband in the run up to the wedding and wish them the best for their day and plan something for you to do with a friend on their wedding day.

Original poster
Miss42 · 22/04/2019 19:09

I not having children again I have already told my partner this and he says I’m being childish, I not sure if she has a partner

OP posts:
pessimisticstateofperception · 22/04/2019 19:11

Are you seriously making your partner choose between you and his grandchildren Shock

maddy68 · 22/04/2019 19:13

Why don't you talk to the son. Be very calm , just explain that you feel very hurt. And could he explain why you aren't invited.? I suspect it's to make it easier for his mum. For all you know mum might have refused to go if you were there and he (rightly) has prioritised his mum but I do think he owes you an explanation

Don't fall out with your oh it really isn't anything to do with him

Original poster
Miss42 · 22/04/2019 19:13

No not at all I told he can have them here but I won’t be watching them for him to go to work, there not his son children I’m talking about there his sisters and his mum has custody of them and when she stuck for somebody to have them for her to work he has them but he works so I have them

OP posts:
TixieLix · 22/04/2019 19:16

I know the MN mantra is that "it's their wedding and they can invite who they like" but to exclude your DFs partner of 20 years is a real insult if you otherwise get on and are used for childcare. I feel sad for you OP that your DP is saying you're being disrespectful for keep asking. Things shouldn't be awkward after 20 years.