Aibu

[Miss42]

Been with partner 20 odd years,his son is getting married and I ain’t invited, just so upset with this it’s causing massive arguments between us, when ask partner that’s all he says is it’s not my wedding, but his sons fiancée parents are going with different partners, my partner says I have no respect for him cause I keep on about it so anybody think aibu thanks

YANBU. It seems rather mean spirited not to invite you. Do you have a good relationship with your partner's son or is there beef?

Either way your partner needs to be less cowardly and speak to his son about the issue.

I'd be telling DP that this isn't about the wedding any longer and he needs to understand that this is sending you the signal that you aren't in any way an important part of his or his DS's life.

I'd be insisting that he explained what is so awkward because after 20 odd years of knowing (and I assume caring for) his DS (and, if I understand correctly, DS's children), you feel, at best, a 2nd class citizen in this family and at worst just a useful skivvy.

This is a HUGE snub and I can't believe that DP isn't mortified and is minimising this. Are you 100% sure that DS actually knows you're upset and that DP isnt the one with some kind of awkward issue and hasn't said something like "oh, Miss42 would find it awkward so doesn't want to come"?

After 20 years together I think it’s shabby not to invite you

What a hurtful thing to do. I completely understand you feeling upset. Your partner needs to be more supportive as well. He accuses you of being disrespectful when in fact his son is being disrespectful of his relationship with you. Can you take yourself away somewhere nice for a few days and think about what you want to do going forward?

Sounds like the Mother is making the event all about her and doesn’t want you there. I may be completely wrong but it happens. If you have been together for 20 years and you weren’t the OW then she is bitter and v.unreasonable. It’s sad when people just can’t move on.

Is your dp contributing towards the cost?

Before falling out with anyone, it would be best to ask the bride and groom why you weren't invited, if you can do that calmly. Don't even say you're hurt, just "Please would you let me know why you didn't invite me to your wedding?". It might be that you have misunderstood who is making decisions here.

Your DH talking about you disrespecting him is rude and inappropriate. I think you should explain more about your relationship with him on the Relationships board, to see if people can help you work out how to improve it or if there are bigger problems.

@Miss42

I think you're being treated badly all round and you're not being unreasonable to want to discuss this with your partner.

I actually don't understand either why you're not invited. Everybody else in the extended family, and their new partners, seem to be going. and you're not?

I'm not surprised you're upset, especially as you look after the children so often.

It looks like the family use you when it suits them but can't manage to send you an invitation to a wedding that you'd like to attend.

Doesn't sound fair to me at all.