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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be pissed off with the school and wonder where I go from here.

87 replies

SoConfused2019 · 22/04/2019 09:48

Back in Feb there was an incident on school grounds that I was caught up in. I'd witnessed 2 women ganging up on another mum, screaming and swearing in her face as they had her backed up against the wall, all I saw at the time was her daughter in between the 2 of them looking petrified clinging to her mum, so with my own son I walked over and shouted for them to calm down, your on a playground, she's got her child right there - this was witnessed by a number of parents.

The 2 women then decided to turn on me for trying to get involved. I had a finger pointed in my face repeatedly which I removed and told her to never touch me again, at this point the 2 of them slapped me on either side of my head, with 1 grabbing hold of my head, pulling me downwards and forcibly shaking me around. I was screaming for the police to be called at this point and kept shouting to her that my child was standing here watching it. This was eventually broken up by a teacher.
The other girl had also become in a fight with someone else who had pulled her off me. The 2 women then carried on fighting even running at someone else who tried to get involved - they both came into the school with children in prams and witnesses have told me the prams were pushed away and tipped over by there own mothers to start this fight.

Right after it ended again I asked for the police to be called, eventually they came and I asked to make a statement that I was assaulted. they ignored this request because a teacher had said she was assaulted so that took higher priority apparently. I left the school after being told I was being banned from the premises indefinitely, and told I was facing a charge of affray, and in a state of shock I just went home and cried and looked at the bald patches where she'd pulled my hair out.

The next day I went to the station and tried again to make a statement, I was told to wait and someone would be in touch. fast forward 6 weeks, and since then i've been taking my son through the Schoo office, i've not been allowed to any special assemblies - he did a full sign language assembly which I wasn't allowed to, along with various charity days. so all in all I feel my Childs missed out. The others were also banned, so it wasn't just me but the way the school have handled this I find it appalling. Ive been ignored by teachers who would usually be chatty, I wasn't allowed to parents evening, I eventually did give a statement to the policeman when they finally got in touch 5 weeks after it all happened. even he mentioned that he was appalled I was being treated the same as them, and he could see I was the victim, he also said I had nothing to worry about. He also said I could have made an assault charge at any time so I dont know why I was brushed off 3 times with a teacher taking priority - in the end this teacher hasn't even made any charges.

Im disgusted with the way the School have handled this. I collect my child and leave - the other 2 are well known for fighting and arguing with anyone who looks at them the wrong way, I wont get the past 6 weeks back, the shame of going to that school to collect him now is horrendous, but thankfully people have been lovely to me, so many have come up to see how I was, I just find the teachers attitudes to it all disgusting and im left wondering where do I go from here. I ended up loosing my sunglasses as they smashed them to bits, I had whiplash which Im now in physiology for - the police are doing anything and now the school have said the same, we have a meeting this week but I truly feel like taking my child out of the place. guess this is more a wwyd because I already know im not being UR to be pissed off.

OP posts:
Windygate · 22/04/2019 15:18

Soconfused2019 your experience is, sadly, why people shouldn't get involved in other people's altercations. Informing the school office, event security or the police is the right thing to do, intervening can mean the innocent bystander gets injured or in trouble just as you have.

Your relationship with the school will never be the same again probably best to remove your DS.

WhyCantIThinkOfAGoodOne · 22/04/2019 17:22

@FamilyOfAliens

You seem very determined to cast OP in a negative light. Walking to the school office and back would have taken at the very least 10 minutes. Clearly from a selfish perspective it would have been the right thing for OP to do but in that time a woman could have been seriously assaulted. She attempted to calm the a situation down - it was a perfectly reasonable course of action which absolutely doesn't warrant being banned from the school grounds.

CripsSandwiches · 22/04/2019 17:26

They won’t get involved with a school banning a parent from the school grounds for fighting.

God what a nasty attitude you have! OP wasn't fighting she was the victim of an assault. The school's policy on these matters is usually incredibly vague "the headmaster reserves the right to ban parents or carers from the school cite given reasonable justification" so your advice in this regard is unhelpful. It is very clear that OP hasn't done anything which reasonable justifies her being banned from the school cite. She had plenty of witnesses available who could have corroborated her story. There should have been a proper investigation at the time. Assuming everyone was to blame and banning them all from the cite is massively unfair.

There is no way that if you were attacked on school grounds you would happily accept being banned from the school grounds. Literally no chance would any normal person accept that.

LIZS · 22/04/2019 17:33

Noone had the school office number on their phone? Op got herself physically embroiled in the incident and is therefore treated as one of the aggressors. This would be similar to the way a playground fight among pupils would be dealt with, zero tolerance.

Op I would suggest you are clear in your mind what outcome you seek from a meeting and what you would settle for. Follow the complaints procedure published on the school/academy website but also be prepared to bail as it is unlikely you will be welcomed in future whatever the final outcome.

CripsSandwiches · 22/04/2019 17:35

Op got herself physically embroiled in the incident and is therefore treated as one of the aggressors.

She didn't get physically involved though - she shouted at them to calm down and was attacked.

Waveysnail · 22/04/2019 17:44

I'd be moving my child. No way would I keep them in a school where parents fight in the playground

ForalltheSaints · 22/04/2019 17:49

I am wondering if legal advice is appropriate. If there is a meeting I think they would take it much more seriously if a solicitor was present. The school seems to me (I am not legally qualified) to have failed a duty of care to you and others.

bringbacksideburns · 22/04/2019 17:57

Are you pressing charges OP?

What did the bullied mum have to say - what was the background to the incident with these women targeting her?

You say they are always picking fights so is your complaint about how the school have lumped you in with them when you were the victim of an assault and how they can safeguard you and others from these women and the way they behave in future?

It's possible you were banned at the time to protect you from these arseholes on school premises.

I'd wait to hear what the head has to say first about the way you have been treated re the ban and what they intend to do moving forward. Then I'd get my son on a waiting list quick smart and move him after summer. You say the school was not your first choice anyway so you may have a better chance of getting the one you do want now and it's best to move whilst you haven't been there that long. That's what id do anyway.

But yeah... go in with your written complaint of what outcomes you want if you are going to go down that road after the meeting, if you feel nothing has been resolved.

You then ask for a written response.
If you aren't happy with the HT response you then complain to the Chair of the board of governors, again in writing.

After that it's the Department of education as the last stop.

regmover · 22/04/2019 18:18

How much incorrect advice can be doled out in one thread? Grin

FamilyOfAliens · 22/04/2019 18:22

God what a nasty attitude you have! OP wasn't fighting she was the victim of an assault

True (the second bit Grin) but either way, the LADO still isn’t the right person to contact because they don’t get involved in altercations between parents. They have a very specific role in investigating allegations of misconduct by staff towards pupils. The poster who advised the OP to contact the LADO was giving her wrong advice.

FamilyOfAliens · 22/04/2019 18:25

If there is a meeting I think they would take it much more seriously if a solicitor was present.

Iirc, you can’t just turn up with a solicitor without informing the school beforehand because it then becomes a different meeting and the school will need its legal representative there also. Could be wrong about this but it would be a shame to have to pay for a solicitor’s time, only for the meeting not to go ahead.

bringbacksideburns · 22/04/2019 19:25

That is the right advice in my post. It's on the government website.

Letter of complaint to HT.
If not happy escalate in writing again to chair of Governors.
If still not happy D of E.
That's the process where I live.

I won't sign off with a condescending smirk though.

I have already said I'd just move schools.

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