To be pissed off with the school and wonder where I go from here.

[SoConfused2019]

Back in Feb there was an incident on school grounds that I was caught up in. I'd witnessed 2 women ganging up on another mum, screaming and swearing in her face as they had her backed up against the wall, all I saw at the time was her daughter in between the 2 of them looking petrified clinging to her mum, so with my own son I walked over and shouted for them to calm down, your on a playground, she's got her child right there - this was witnessed by a number of parents.

The 2 women then decided to turn on me for trying to get involved. I had a finger pointed in my face repeatedly which I removed and told her to never touch me again, at this point the 2 of them slapped me on either side of my head, with 1 grabbing hold of my head, pulling me downwards and forcibly shaking me around. I was screaming for the police to be called at this point and kept shouting to her that my child was standing here watching it. This was eventually broken up by a teacher.
The other girl had also become in a fight with someone else who had pulled her off me. The 2 women then carried on fighting even running at someone else who tried to get involved - they both came into the school with children in prams and witnesses have told me the prams were pushed away and tipped over by there own mothers to start this fight.

Right after it ended again I asked for the police to be called, eventually they came and I asked to make a statement that I was assaulted. they ignored this request because a teacher had said she was assaulted so that took higher priority apparently. I left the school after being told I was being banned from the premises indefinitely, and told I was facing a charge of affray, and in a state of shock I just went home and cried and looked at the bald patches where she'd pulled my hair out.

The next day I went to the station and tried again to make a statement, I was told to wait and someone would be in touch. fast forward 6 weeks, and since then i've been taking my son through the Schoo office, i've not been allowed to any special assemblies - he did a full sign language assembly which I wasn't allowed to, along with various charity days. so all in all I feel my Childs missed out. The others were also banned, so it wasn't just me but the way the school have handled this I find it appalling. Ive been ignored by teachers who would usually be chatty, I wasn't allowed to parents evening, I eventually did give a statement to the policeman when they finally got in touch 5 weeks after it all happened. even he mentioned that he was appalled I was being treated the same as them, and he could see I was the victim, he also said I had nothing to worry about. He also said I could have made an assault charge at any time so I dont know why I was brushed off 3 times with a teacher taking priority - in the end this teacher hasn't even made any charges.

Im disgusted with the way the School have handled this. I collect my child and leave - the other 2 are well known for fighting and arguing with anyone who looks at them the wrong way, I wont get the past 6 weeks back, the shame of going to that school to collect him now is horrendous, but thankfully people have been lovely to me, so many have come up to see how I was, I just find the teachers attitudes to it all disgusting and im left wondering where do I go from here. I ended up loosing my sunglasses as they smashed them to bits, I had whiplash which Im now in physiology for - the police are doing anything and now the school have said the same, we have a meeting this week but I truly feel like taking my child out of the place. guess this is more a wwyd because I already know im not being UR to be pissed off.

What an awful experience and I would have expected the police to prosecute - what message does that send? Feel free to attack anyone you choose, we'll just stand by and watch?? Dreadful

UserName31456789

Although the OP's heart is in the right place she is not completely innocent as her actions exacerbated the situation.

The school has taken the option to prevent all adults that were involved being on site and seems to have separated them at collect.

I think that posters need to remember that schools have limited power in these situations, especially when it the parents fighting each other.

@mazv1953 The police don't make the decision to prosecute, CPS do, even if the police want to take a case forward CPS have the final decision.

I would get your son on waiting lists at other schools. There are different classroom limits for KS1 and KS2 so a school that is full in foundation year may have a place available in Y3, even without children leaving which may well have happened.

I mean I’m from Australia but this can’t be normal even in the UK.

I just think if there are Mums like this at the school then it must be really rough. If they don’t even have the energy to workout and acknowledge you were s victim then how would children be treated

I think time to start school shopping

if I move schools is that just teaching him to run away though

I thought this, but with DS he just spent the rest of school dealing with bullies. Walking away from somewhere that is not meeting your needs is good. You don't have to sit there and wait for them to decided whether you are worth it or not.

Put his name down on a few waiting lists. People move and places become available all the time.

I am unclear what you are complaining about? What has the school done wrong?

If you think that your banning was unjustified then you need to appeal it through the school (LA or MAT?) appeals process.

What was the intended nature of your complaint?

In effect, those who were involved have been "suspended" until investigations have been carried out (incl meetings between head, staff, witnesses, governors, police etc, which all take time) and the results will be given this week. You were, in your own words, going over and shouting at the two women, which did then exacerbate the already volatile situation, rather than calm it but I do understand your intention was to defend the other woman and her child watching it take place.

Don't conflate your anger with the police not being quick to take a statement from you, with the school not allowing you in the playground. You haven't been banned from the premises as such as you still take your son in through the office and collect from there. I'd like to know why though you were not allowed to assemblies or parents evening - what was the school's concern? But the playground I can see as sensible as it's a way of limiting anything continuing until investigations were completed. The school's priority will be one of safety, especially concerning the children. Also teachers will be practised in not chatting to those involved in any investigation, so please don't see it as anything other than that.

At the meeting, I would first listen to what they have to say. I would then very calmly talk about your experience being one where you have felt that you were in the wrong and blamed for the incident when you were also a victim, and what they could do in future to rectify that. Perhaps it needs to be clarified that if there are any incidents on the playground, parents are to refer to a member of staff rather than get involved.

I would also make a complaint to the police about how their delay in taking a statement from you caused a lot of distress, which could have lessened the trauma for you.

Since you have a meeting coming up with the school, you could however ask them on what legal grounds a person who has not been convicted of any offence may be barred. Just a thought.

First - get a copy of the school complaints procedure from their website (it's a statutory requirement that it be published there).
The put your complaint in writing and drop it in to the school tomorrow.

Ignore anyone telling you to go to Ofsted, the LA etc, nobody will engage in this situation with a parent who hasn't followed the complaints procedure.
Make sure that you are clear about what outcome you want from your complaint.
A ban should normally be lifted after a reasonable time, so the meeting with the head and chair of governors is hopefully to consider that. But I agree with you, you don't apologise for trying to save someone from physical assault and you don't apologise for being attacked on their premises.
It's possible that you will end up at a panel of governors meeting to hear your complaint. As the Chair has already clearly been "tainted" by knowledge of the head's version of events, they can't serve on the panel. Nor can any other governor who has prior knowledge. They should come cold to the situation when they are given the information for the panel meeting. It shouldn't have been discussed in any detail with governors, not even at a governors' meeting. If a school "taints" their governors they need to go and find an independent panel...
Hopefully you'll get the outcome you want. If you don't, the next and last step for your complaint will be included in the complaints procedure. Good luck!

p.s "legal grounds" for barring someone from school premises are easily found with a quick Google. This is something that schools are entitled to do, on their private premises, and it's usually at the discretion of the head.

Re. Running away. I've told my son that if anyone tells him to hand over his phone wallet or trainers just do it and get the hell away from them. I don't want him stabbed. Standing up to people is one thing, safety is quite another. These women sound violent and thoroughly unhinged you need to get as far away from them as possible!

@Shawshank thank you, I do need them to address their policies on this for future incidents, and to clarify yes I have been banned from the premises, I al allowed to drop him at the gates by he main office which he then walks in on his own.

to collect him I again wait near the gates, call the office and someone brings him out to me. All this has been distressing to him, as he constantly ask why he needs to go in through the office doors.

But from the school's point of view, they have no idea of how it all started or who is to blame. They can't just believe your account if it differs from the two original women's. As far as they're concerned, it's a punch up between a group of parents and it's not their role to play judge and jury, so they've banned you all. They probably spend enough time as it is mediating in fights between pupils without getting involved with a parents' spat. I think that if you want to take anything further, you need to do so via the police.

Confused there is no reason for you to be banned indefinitely. They should be speaking to you about lifting the ban. Bans from school premises aren't often permanent, it's about whether or not they expect the person to be a continued threat.

Which LA are they in?

There will be standard procedures.

Typically you can issue a temporary banning (which is possibly what they should have done but we were not there and only have one side)

Then it is either confirmed or withdrawn. If you google the Rotherham guidance comes up and is very clear- but You will find your own LA or mAt guidance online.

It probably will have a different appeal process- they will probably have taken LA or MAT guidance.

I am still not clear what the nature of your complaint is?
That they didn't follow the section 206 guidance? You have to know what it is in your context before you can complain?

@regmover: not exactly. There is due process to be followed, and a bar is not at the ‘discretion’ of the head, but based on a defined range of behaviours. So, if they want to uphold the bar, they will need to substantiate their assumptions somehow.

I do need them to address their policies on this for future incidents, and to clarify yes I have been banned from the premises

So what does their policy say? It will be banning guidance under Section 206 of the Education Act 2002

Why do you think their policy says?
What do you think is wrong with the policy (and so needs to be addressed?). It is likely to be an LA wide policy.

Or is your grievance that they have not followed the policy? If so , which part have they not followed? That would be what you are submitting a complaint about.

I have to agree with PP who say you made the situation worse by, in your own words, going over and shouting at the other parents to calm down.

A better response would have been to go into the school office to explain to them that there was a fight going on in the playground.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing of course, but I can’t imagine any situation where shouting at someone who is already agitated would persuade them to calm down.

In all honesty I'd see a solicitor before the meeting and ideally (if you can afford it) at a minimum bring a letter from the solicitor to the meeting with me, outlining the incident, your expectation from the school going forward (along with an MASSIVE grovelling apology) and the consequences if they don't meet your expectation.

In all honesty I'd see a solicitor before the meeting and ideally (if you can afford it) at a minimum bring a letter from the solicitor to the meeting with me, outlining the incident, your expectation from the school going forward (along with an MASSIVE grovelling apology) and the consequences if they don't meet your expectation.

Why?

The Op needs to:
Get a copy of the policy.
Read it.
Understand what policy should have been followed
Look at the timeline and documentation (letters) sent to her

If as result of that they have not followed the correct policy she needs to detail when, why and how she believes that have failed to follow the policy.

We cannot assume that the school has done anything wrong. We have one side of a story. The school will probably have taken advice before they issued a permanent banning order (if that is what it is).

familyofaliens without knowing the School layout that a pretty good thing to say with hindsight but in this case the School office is a 5 minutes walk from this playground, then you have to wait to be let in as the staff aren't always there - by this time the whole thing is over and I just look like an interfering busy body.

Taking out the place the incident happened if you saw a child looking terrified because there mother was being held against a wall would you walk past or go over and try to calm it down.

As for shouting - completely taken out of context, when the 2 of them have been screaming obscenities at the top of their lungs me walking over saying hey calm down was like a whisper which they didn't hear, so Ive said loudly Hey, Calm down, youre on a playground.

Thanks for the advice re: complaint procedure. Like I said never done anything with the schools regarding complaints - So haven't a clue where to start. Ill go read up on it now. The case is still under CPS so theres still hope there I guess.

Are you appealing the ban?

or

Are you complaining that the process was not followed?

or

Both?

That is what you need to be clear about.

alittleprivacy
(along with an MASSIVE grovelling apology)

Why does the school owe an apology let alone a massive one?

and the consequences if they don't meet your expectation.

Which is what exactly? unless you can suggest something its a null point.