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AIBU?

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Original poster

Being prayed for

605 replies

BuckingFrolics · 22/04/2019 09:17

I'm an atheist and my DM knows this - indeed she and my DF raised me as one. She "found god" when my DF left in my early teens

She says she prays for me.

AIBU to tell her to stop, as I find it offensive?

OP posts:
NunoGoncalves · 25/04/2019 16:55

I don't see the problem either way

birdflyinghigh · 25/04/2019 16:58

but they do so without caring whether or not the person wants that attention.

When you think of someone to you stop yourself if you think that person wouldn't want you thinking about them? Because they wouldn't want the attention?

birdflyinghigh · 25/04/2019 16:58

Do you not to you.

BertrandRussell · 25/04/2019 16:59

Ok. Would it be OK if I said “I understand that all your thoughts are prayers so you can’t stop
yourself praying for me, but I would rather you did not include me in your more formal prayers”

birdflyinghigh · 25/04/2019 17:01

So I suppose I could suppress thinking and praying about someone by dismissing that thought about them but it would feel very unnatural especially if it were someone I was close to. And it would be difficult to remain close to them without thinking and praying about them.

BertrandRussell · 25/04/2019 17:01

“No, the thoughts I dismiss aren't. They're just my own nonsense”

So presumably you can dismiss thoughts about a particular subject? Or a particular person?

birdflyinghigh · 25/04/2019 17:02

Ok. Would it be OK if I said “I understand that all your thoughts are prayers so you can’t stop
yourself praying for me, but I would rather you did not include me in your more formal prayers”

Absolutely fine, Bertrand.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 25/04/2019 17:02

Telling someone you are praying for them is tangible and does have an affect upon people, irrespective of whether or not a god exists. Evidence has been provided earlier in this thread.

Some atheists are saying they don't like it, or find it offensive. But some Christians on here are saying they will do it anyway no matter how much it upsets other people.

Now I am not a Christian, so correct me if I am wrong. Is it a Christian duty to deliberately and repeatedly hurt people? Because that is what they are doing.

Words matter, what people say matters, whether or not it is said behind their back or to their face.

birdflyinghigh · 25/04/2019 17:03

So presumably you can dismiss thoughts about a particular subject? Or a particular person?

Yes. I thought most people could.

Elphame · 25/04/2019 17:04

OK - question here for the Christians who would pray for me whether I want you to or not.

How would you feel if in return, I was to pray to Lord Lucifer, the Lightbringer on your behalf?

birdflyinghigh · 25/04/2019 17:09

But some Christians on here are saying they will do it anyway no matter how much it upsets other people.

What I am saying is I pray as I think, continually, as an internal dialogue. It is part of my faith. Because I believe God is in me, part of me. I can't think without Him being present. Which is pretty much prayer. Unless I dismiss the thought. Prayer becomes second nature

It's by way of explanation for the purposes of this thread. I don't go round trying to upset or offend atheists by actually telling them I'll pray for them personally. But in actuality if they are close to me I probably will be praying for them but not mention it unless I really thought they'd feel supported by that information. I thought most people had thoughts about others that they might choose not to tell them about.

birdflyinghigh · 25/04/2019 17:10

How would you feel if in return, I was to pray to Lord Lucifer, the Lightbringer on your behalf?

I might not like it but would accept if that were your habit you might do it if you were close to me.

BertrandRussell · 25/04/2019 17:14

“So presumably you can dismiss thoughts about a particular subject? Or a particular person?

Yes. I thought most people could.”

So it is possible for you to choose not to pray for somebody.

birdflyinghigh · 25/04/2019 17:15

Words matter, what people say matters, whether or not it is said behind their back or to their face.

I agree. My hopes are benevolent, though. I try to operate tact but I cannot quell the fact I do have hopes and aspirations which I bring before God. I'm being honest for the purposes of the thread but if I knew a person my practice of praying would hurt in real life I would not mention it to them.

NunoGoncalves · 25/04/2019 17:17

How would you feel if in return, I was to pray to Lord Lucifer, the Lightbringer on your behalf?

Again I don't really see the basis of this comparison. That's clearly a more difficult situation for a Christian because to Christians, Lucifer is the devil. To an atheist, God is not a force of evil.

birdflyinghigh · 25/04/2019 17:18

So it is possible for you to choose not to pray for somebody.

Yes, but difficult. I'd casually hope/pray something concerning and have to think 'No! scrap that!'. Do you see how difficult that would be with someone you were close to? Something as simple as 'I hope ...has a nice birthday' would be scrapped or picturing them enjoying an upcoming event would be scrapped.

VoteJadot · 25/04/2019 17:52

So dirty thoughts about Zac Efron are a form of prayer? I'm seeing Christianity in a whole new light. Shock

VoteJadot · 25/04/2019 17:56

God isn't a force of evil, but organised religion is.

Alsohuman · 25/04/2019 17:59

Organised religion is sometimes a source of evil. World of difference.

birdflyinghigh · 25/04/2019 18:11

So dirty thoughts about Zac Efron are a form of prayer? I'm seeing Christianity in a whole new light. 

If I had them and was serious about them, possibly. They'd form a hope of things unseen which is the substance of faith.

BasiliskStare · 25/04/2019 18:12

If someone had specifically asked my friend not to pray for them , she would not have done. What she did she did quietly & yes she told me ( we are good friends) As I said , my DS took it ( he is an atheist) in the spirit of, it is her way of thinking of me & I appreciate it - tolerance can be a good thing.

justarandomtricycle · 25/04/2019 18:35

Now I am not a Christian, so correct me if I am wrong. Is it a Christian duty to deliberately and repeatedly hurt people? Because that is what they are doing.
Probably if you thought it might upset them to discuss it, you wouldn't discuss it with them. Apart from anything else you'd be antagonising them and potentially pushing them away from God.

You're not hurting them or doing anything to them without their consent, though, you're handing the matter over to God to decide, so even if you don't bother them with it, there would be no need to not pray for someone.

TerryWogansWilly · 25/04/2019 18:43

SO dirty thoughts about Zac Efron are a form of prayer? I'm seeing Christianity in a whole new light.

Well I'm not a Christian but I certainly see him as a higher power.

londonliv · 25/04/2019 19:08

My MIL does this - tbh I'm not a fan as I'm an atheist but I figure that if it makes her happy there's no harm done.
The thing that does make me uncomfortable is that her DP put his hand on my children's heads & blesses them. Again, I've never said anything but I really dislike it.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 25/04/2019 20:27

To an atheist, God is not a force of evil
But to many atheists worshipping a 'god' is a force of evil.

birdflyinghigh
I think your meaning of the word 'pray' is different to what many people use. Most people seems to separate praying from thinking. Why would anyone say I am 'going' to pray if was not distinct from thinking?

You're not hurting them or doing anything to them without their consent, though, you're handing the matter over to God to decide
What nonsense, it most demonstrably can hurt them and they certainly haven't given consent. You are abdicating responsibility for your actions, as if you are saying I am not punishing them I am handing the matter over to the local sadomasochist to decide. That excuse went out with WW2.

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