To decide for myself when to wean my child?

[Hogwarts191]

I have a 3 month old DD who is BF and has been since birth. I have been trying to introduce a bottle of formula a day to get her used to a bottle but either the bottle or the formula makes her very windy and unsettled so she's mostly breast fed.

My MIL is adamant she should be on solids by now. To give a bit of history neither PIL saw DD until a few weeks ago out of their own choice so they have not been involved in her life despite living fairly locally. Since the 2nd occasion that my MIL met DD she has been trying to tell me how I should feed her, that I should be giving her puréed food by now, rusks and baby rice etc. And also that she is surprised I'm 'still' breastfeeding and that she would sleep better on formula, that she would cry less etc. My DD sleeps pretty well she just still feeds in the night much to MIL's horror. She does however cry whenever she is handed round to everyone for all the cuddles people think they are entitled to. She seems to hate the pass the parcel game especially when MIL is basically a stranger to her so yes she does cry. MIL has decided it's because she's hungry and I'm not producing enough breast milk and need to give her solids. She decided all of this on the second occasion that she met DD.

MIL asked me when I was going to wean her and I said 6 months, as advised by my HV. She literally laughed in my face and said they don't know what they're talking about and that my DD won't manage on just milk until then because she's hungry already. She is adamant her children were eating roast dinners and steak by 6 months. My own DM did mention (only when I asked) that she started introducing a small amount of solids at 4 months with my siblings and I but that was the done thing 30 years ago. My MIL on the other hand will literally not let it go, and every single time my DD cries it's apparently because she wants a rusk

Am I being precious or does she just need to get back in her box?

Totally ignore your MIL and follow your instincts and HV, you know what you’re doing and MIL is talking rubbish

I'd honestly tell her to shut her face.
It's none of her business.
I'm just finishing BF my 2 1/2 year old which tbh has gone on far longer than I'd like but we rolled with it as he was happy.
I know this has raised a few eyebrows but I don't give a crap.
I stopped feeding my first, partly as I went back to work but also because I felt pressured into stopping, at 5 months.
So this time I did what suited us and you should too!

She needs to get back in her box.

It's your decision and 3 months is actually very young (last time i looked 4 months was still the guideline in Europe I think. We did it around 5 months (3 years ago)).

Tbh at 1 month old my DD slaughtered her first dinosaur and cooked it over a pile of coals.... seriously 3 months isn’t a time for solids, listen to the professionals

Also you don't have to stop BF just because you're weaning, we did food and bf in parallel for ages.

Ignore ignore ignore. It's annoying but be confident you're right and she's wrong.

Not the point of the thread, but when you do start introducing solids, please do not give her rusks! They are 25% sugar, equivalent to a doughnut!

YANBU. Like you said, your MIL and DM were bringing up you and your OH, the advice was wean from around 6-12 weeks old. And rusks were a perfectly acceptable weaning food ans nobody considered the effects of gluten and that amount of sugar on a baby's system.

Also, do consider that they change the guidelines about weaning like the wind. When I had DC1 it was not before 6 months, when I had DC2 3 years later it was 4-6 months, then we moved counties and the advice HV's were providing there was different!

I sympathise however. My MIL was horrified I BF'ed and told me the reason DC1 was crying was because he "knew my milk wasn't giving him enough nutrients" (it was 10 day growth spurt). She was horrified I wasn't giving him formula at 3 months old and didn't believe that he wouldn't take a bottle because "all babies know how to take a bottle." She thought I should be feeding him full meals at three months old when he was "clearly starving". Then she was convinced I was going to choke him to death with baby led weaning. Allow the advice to wash over you, in one ear, out the other. Cause if she got an opinion on this now, shes going to have an opinion on EVERYTHING.

to you OP, you are doing the right thing!

The medical advice in my country is NEVER before 6 months and only between 6-9 months if they show interest. I started DS at 8.5 months and he wasn't hungry, slept through the night no problems. Your MIL sounds insane and out of touch.

Thanks for the responses everyone it's reassuring to hear other people's take on it.

DH's family are all a bit weird about breastfeeding and all FF which is totally their choice to make but they don't seem to get why I've chosen to BF. They won't even explain to the children in the family about BF etc so I have a 12 year old nephew who doesn't understand why I am the only person that can feed the baby, and it's always been encouraged that I feed in a separate room so they don't see. It's bizarre and I don't agree with it but there's not a lot I can do about it. MIL also believes that because I'm fairly small/petite I won't be producing enough milk. I did try to explain to her that I'm not sure if works like that but you can't reason with stupid

Oh God we had this. Constant pressure to wean DS, 2e got 'well dont expect him to sleep then, milk isn't enough'. MIL even told me she made the holes in the bottle that bugger to put mashed potato in DH's bottles. We just kept smiling, nodding and repeating g '6 months'
When we did wean him we then got sarky 'oh goodness you've given up and you're giving him solids, I can't believe it!' Er no, we are giving him solids cos he is 6 months old. Just as we said we would.
I sympathise. It gets really boring.

*bottle teat bigger.
Must proof read

That's exactly it, you cant reason with stupid. DD is now 8 months and we started weaning her at 5 months and 1 week because she had was showing a real interest in our food (glaring and making chewing motions) and because when she did that I had an overwhelming natural urge to feed her. My MIL also thinks rusks have been blessed by jesus himself and must be amazing but balked at my giving DD wholemeal toast. Oh the irony! Do what you think is right and dont bow to pressure. We had to use formula for DD as she was such a poorly baby that we could establish breastfeeding and I'm still gutted. MIL is jubilant but I've made is very clear that if I have another baby I will be breastfeeding. Everyone has an opinion and you need to be very firm that you will be following HVs advice and they need to respect that. My MIL tells everyone that DH was walking at 4 months (clearly BS) so just ignore all her crap

OP, I think your MIL and my MIL might be the same person

Could have written this! "DH was weaned at 3 months and it did him no harm" (except he suffers from IBS but hey ho!)

Oh and the "you're being mean/cruel not giving your 7 month old chocolate cake".

"Why don't you dip the dummy in tea/ice cream at 3 months?"

Don't let them get to you. Breastfeeding IS enough. They have no clue. Stand firm. (And give them the finger behind their back! 😂)

Like you said, your MIL and DM were bringing up you and your OH, the advice was wean from around 6-12 weeks old

It wasn't the normal advice even then, assuming you're talking about around 30 years ago. The likes of Penelope Leach were telling us to breastfeed as long as possible.

Completely ignore her. She doesn't know what she's talking about. I exclusively breastfed my little one until he was 6 months old.

Yep alot of pressure from Family too to wean my DS early. I just ignored it and said I'll do what I see fit. I started at 6 months but he wasn't interested until 7 months. Gave him finger food's at a family party when he was 7 months and some people was so shocked and said I'm going to let my baby choke he should be on puree. Comment after comment. So annoying.

I had one family member bring me baby porridge when DS was 3.5 months so I had it ready for when he turned 4 months they just seemed obsessed with feeding my son and intervening with him.

Do what you want. You are doing well and the right thing.

Yep. People are obsessed with it. Try sending her links to the nhs advice/keep a stock of leaflets in the house and just give her that whenever she starts boring on about it. Then if she says anything you can just say: you’re wrong, did you read that link/info I sent you?

Oh gosh. Ignore ignore ignore.
Breastfeeding until at least 2yrs is the current recommendation. Weaning from around 6months and showing signs of readiness (lost tongue thrust, sitting up.. not being a big baby/because so many years ago we did it earlier). This is based on current evidence.
You do what you want to do based on advice from HCP, evidence, research and your own thoughts.

Luckily my MIL doesn’t say much although they come from an all FF and early weaned family. My mam doesn’t say much either, my grandmas however are horrified that I’m still breastfeeding because who does that after 10months, and he would sleep better without 🙄

It was probably the norm when she had her babies and she thinks that they turned out okay, so your baby would to. Just ignore. A lot of advice has changed in recent decades.

I have two children and was in a similar situation with my first. I was a younger mum, lived with my mum for the first 8 months of my sons life. She encouraged me to start him on solids early so I did try him 😱 anyway, it didn’t hurt him but he became an extremely fussy eater and would only eat mushy, non lumpy, puréed food for a LONG time and I do believe that’s because I started him on food too early. I do regret it now.

Then I had DD. I didn’t start her until about 6 months so at that point she could start lumpier foods and had bits of what we had, finger foods etc and she will eat absolutely anything now (she’s 3) which could well be because I held off weaning.

My MIL was like this and it ended in a row because she wouldn’t let it go. Claimed I was silly for saying 7 month olds shouldn’t eat honey, that was the last straw.

Babies and weddings, everyone has an opinion!

Like you said you can't reason with stupid.

Do what you need to do for you and your baby.

I expect advice has changed from when she had children, not that it gives her an excuse.

Your MIL is a moron. Tell her to fuck off!

Is your MIL my grandmother? I haven't spoken to her for over a year because she accused me of starving my 4 month old and tried to feed him a sausage when I went to the toilet.

She had also told me (when he was 4 weeks old) that I need to stop breastfeeding so I could get my life back and leave him for sleepovers with her.

He'll will freeze over...