To decide for myself when to wean my child?

[Hogwarts191]

I have a 3 month old DD who is BF and has been since birth. I have been trying to introduce a bottle of formula a day to get her used to a bottle but either the bottle or the formula makes her very windy and unsettled so she's mostly breast fed.

My MIL is adamant she should be on solids by now. To give a bit of history neither PIL saw DD until a few weeks ago out of their own choice so they have not been involved in her life despite living fairly locally. Since the 2nd occasion that my MIL met DD she has been trying to tell me how I should feed her, that I should be giving her puréed food by now, rusks and baby rice etc. And also that she is surprised I'm 'still' breastfeeding and that she would sleep better on formula, that she would cry less etc. My DD sleeps pretty well she just still feeds in the night much to MIL's horror. She does however cry whenever she is handed round to everyone for all the cuddles people think they are entitled to. She seems to hate the pass the parcel game especially when MIL is basically a stranger to her so yes she does cry. MIL has decided it's because she's hungry and I'm not producing enough breast milk and need to give her solids. She decided all of this on the second occasion that she met DD.

MIL asked me when I was going to wean her and I said 6 months, as advised by my HV. She literally laughed in my face and said they don't know what they're talking about and that my DD won't manage on just milk until then because she's hungry already. She is adamant her children were eating roast dinners and steak by 6 months. My own DM did mention (only when I asked) that she started introducing a small amount of solids at 4 months with my siblings and I but that was the done thing 30 years ago. My MIL on the other hand will literally not let it go, and every single time my DD cries it's apparently because she wants a rusk

Am I being precious or does she just need to get back in her box?

I have this with Dps nan. She was giving dps mum baby porridge at 6 weeks apparently, and gets really irate when I tell her the advice is 6 months now. If ever there are new people about, she brings it up and behaves as though I bloody write the NHS pages. She can't understand that research has come on a lot in the last 50 years

Can't help but wonder if this is why Dps
Mum can't tolerate lactose or wheat 🤔

"do consider that they change the guidelines about weaning like the wind."

No they don't. The NHS has bean advising weaning at 6 months since 2001.

Food before one is just a rhyme it isn't fact

The advice changed to 6 months for a reason. Sometimes babies appear hungry around 4 months but it is usually a growth spurt and your milk will see them through just fine.

You could just smile and say ‘well the advice these days is not to wean until 6 months so that is what I will be doing’, or tell her to mind her own business. Your choice :)

@Mrsjayy she didn't see her at all for the first 3 months of her life and then has decided all of a sudden she wants to be the doting granny and has seen her a fair bit over the last few weeks and each and every time she's seen her recently she's made the comments. She also makes the comments to DH when he sees or speaks to her so he comes back with 'mum says...'

Your MIL is telling you what she was told however many years ago she had children. The advice then was wean at 3/4 months. Now of course the advice is different so it’s only right that you follow latest guidelines. Just tell her it’s all different now and carry on as you are.
Baby rice and rose hip syrup and 3 months. Probably not going to do that now.

Don't worry about bottle refusing. DD was BF and wouldn't take a bottle, she would however take formula in a sippy cup from 9mo when she went to the childminder. I sent formula because I was too lazy too pump and the childminder tried the sippy cup when she struggled with giving her a bottle. A friend's DD refused bottles at about 3mo (after having one bottle a day from DH, BF the rest of the time), but now she's 5mo, she's started taking a bottle again.

We also weaned and BF at the same time. DD didn't really eat any real quantify of food until probably about 8mo, mostly she mushed it up and dribbled it out. I BF her during the day (when not working) up until about 13mo and then gave up night-time feeds at about 16mo. It was actually much harder for me to give up BFing her than it was for DD

I would ask DH to stop passing on info from her. My usually lovely MIL wasn't totally happy/comfortable with me BFing so she gave me/us lots of 'advice' about switching to bottles. I realised that we were complaining about DD not sleeping too well etc which was kind of giving her the green light to comment. We switched what we said (ie. DD's sleeping fine) and what we generally talked about, which cut it down loads.

Just explain politely that feeding practice and advice has changed since she gave birth. Educate and share with her in a non-dismissive way. She has raised children but in a different era. She’s not being nasty or unkind she’s just not kept apace with the changing advice.

What she’s suggesting was common practice a few decades ago. My mother was all for cold sweet tea and a crushed Farley’s rusk in a bottle with an enlarged hole as ‘ boys need more than mother’s milk’. She couldn’t understanding I could breastfeed in public, how I was happy demand feeding and why I wasn’t weaning until about 5-6 months. I just reiterated latest understanding and my right to decide.

My ex MIL was the same OP, giving me advice that was based on her first child who was 50 by the time my ds was born. Should be bottle fed, he's hungry, should be having rusks from 2 weeks, he's always tired etc etc. No actual useful support of any kind. Through the darkest of nights while I was struggling with breastfeeding and pnd my determination to prove her wrong got me through.

All these babies being weaned too early and given rusks seem to be the generation struggling with obesity and food intolerances!

My advice would always be do whatever suits you and your baby, I have five children and each baby was different, ignore anyone telling you what to do. You know your baby better than anyone.

Milk works on a supply and demand basis. I dont know why people ask if they're not getting enough milk from the breast, if breastfeeding is well established and working.

DS fed like a monster. I was asked that question too. I just shrugged and said "It is what it is" and we'll introduce foods at 6 months.

This is a case of standing your ground. I have no doubt that your MIL is channelling the old advice and as her kids turned out okay, she obviously sees it as a successful way to do it. However... she must respect your right to raise your child as you wish. It really is that simple.

Not to undermine what anyone else is saying but my HV was really pressuring encouraging me to wean at 4 months in 2006. I think the guidelines were 4-6 months but there was a lot of pressure to start early (Even though DD was showing no signs of being interested in food) i waited til 5 months although wish i stuck to my own instincts and waited til 6 months. 3 years later i was given the guidelines of waiting til 6 months.

Babies decide when they want to be weaned anyway.

My third baby just wasn’t having any of it until 8 nearly 9 months. I tried cutting out milk, purées, finger food, the lot. She wasn’t ready.

Take your professional advice and take signals from your baby. They are the only people who you should listen to.

Say ‘I’m just following doctor’s advice’. Refuse to discuss it.

It might help to know that not so long ago breastfeeding women were told to follow a four hourly feeding schedule, feeding for a set amount each time. Formula takes about four hours to digest so docs figured breastmilk should be the same (it’s not

Only feeding every four hours regardless of growth spurts etc really wasn’t enough milk, plus it made women’s supply reduce and led to a negative spiral and weight loss. So formula and solids were recommended early to make up the shortfall.

Women were told that feeding on demand would spoil the baby and that they needed to be shown who was boss from day one.

Rather than being pissed off at MIL (which would be justified, she’s being an arse) just be glad we live in more enlightened times!

Ah right I was just being nosey why she didn't know the baby hogwarts she sounds exhausting you just need to find a phrase for her and repeat then tune her out,

Well done on the breastfeeding it’s a great start to your child’s life and protects you against some cancers and hip fractures in future. As for weaning the evidence is there to start at six months but there is a whole generation out there who weaned at three months and earlier. My mom was told to give me an egg from birth as I was so big born. So I would carry on as I was in your case and wean when your ready but no earlier than six months.