To decide for myself when to wean my child?

[Hogwarts191]

I have a 3 month old DD who is BF and has been since birth. I have been trying to introduce a bottle of formula a day to get her used to a bottle but either the bottle or the formula makes her very windy and unsettled so she's mostly breast fed.

My MIL is adamant she should be on solids by now. To give a bit of history neither PIL saw DD until a few weeks ago out of their own choice so they have not been involved in her life despite living fairly locally. Since the 2nd occasion that my MIL met DD she has been trying to tell me how I should feed her, that I should be giving her puréed food by now, rusks and baby rice etc. And also that she is surprised I'm 'still' breastfeeding and that she would sleep better on formula, that she would cry less etc. My DD sleeps pretty well she just still feeds in the night much to MIL's horror. She does however cry whenever she is handed round to everyone for all the cuddles people think they are entitled to. She seems to hate the pass the parcel game especially when MIL is basically a stranger to her so yes she does cry. MIL has decided it's because she's hungry and I'm not producing enough breast milk and need to give her solids. She decided all of this on the second occasion that she met DD.

MIL asked me when I was going to wean her and I said 6 months, as advised by my HV. She literally laughed in my face and said they don't know what they're talking about and that my DD won't manage on just milk until then because she's hungry already. She is adamant her children were eating roast dinners and steak by 6 months. My own DM did mention (only when I asked) that she started introducing a small amount of solids at 4 months with my siblings and I but that was the done thing 30 years ago. My MIL on the other hand will literally not let it go, and every single time my DD cries it's apparently because she wants a rusk

Am I being precious or does she just need to get back in her box?

I breastfed dd until 2 1/2. I weaned her at almost 6 months. The last 10 days before weaning I was exhausted from trying to produce the amount of milk she needed. It is rare not to have enough milk. You just have to put your child to the breast more.

Your in laws are very ignorant. My mother was the same and wanted me to ff. She told me her milk dried up at 6 weeks. I don’t believe this is what happened now. I think she didn’t think she had an adequate supply during a growth spurt and gave formula instead of feeding more. She frightened me with all of these sort of stories when dd was little.

You’ve now almost done the most difficult part of feeding. Why are you wanting to introduce bottles? I used bottles of expressed milk with my dd btw. And as for hiding you can refuse, you know, especially in your own home. You know this is a protected characteristic and legally you can feed anywhere. So what if your nephew doesn’t know about breastfeeding. Good time to learn this is normal. 🤷‍♀️

Of course its grandmas decision when to wean (jokes!)

Seriously...i had this similar too. Hold your ground. Best reaction i found was acknowledge and brush off
"Thanks for your advice, but we've decided on our plan" repeat every time and try not to further engage

Unless your baby is getting close to sitting up definitely do not give them any solids. You will know when your baby is ready somewhere between 4 and 6 months. My son sat up unassisted at 4 months and reached over to my plate and lifted my dinner and put it his mouth. Pretty sure he was saying he was ready!

I really dont get this thing where family members want to give a bottle because they believe you are keeping baby to yourself by breastfeeding. Well if they didnt make you leave the room every feed they would see plenty of your baby!

@Mummyoflittledragon its more that I didn't want a bottle refuser so I've tried to get her used to having the odd bottle since birth. I was expressing so she only had expressed milk in a bottle but I found the expressing soul destroying so started trying to introduce a little bit of formula instead. I had fully intended to breastfeed for at least 6 months to a year but would also like the possibility of leaving her with my mum for short amounts of time and knowing she will drink from a bottle. I daren't leave her with MIL or she'll be eating roast dinners when I return

As for the nephews issue I did suggest that it was important that children were raised with an understanding of breast feeding so they don't stare in public etc and for when/if they become fathers one day and I was told they don't need to see it or know about it by the formula brigade!

Keep on doing what you're doing. Ignore MIL and change the subject. I quite like the idea of collecting pamphlets to give to her if she keeps on - I'm sure you can find them at the health visitors office or the pharmacy or something.

A lot of people seem to be of the opinion that breastmilk is "not enough" for babies. Mums of young babies who are "always hungry" starting formula because their milk isn't satisfying baby. Grandparents saying that baby is crying for milk etc. I think it's all just a lack of education around breastfeeding and, for the older generation, the prevalence of advertising/recommending of formula milk at the time. How do they think the human race survived if babies can't live on breastmilk alone?

I also think some people want to justify their own choices. If MIL weaned her babies at 2 months old and is now being told that is wrong, she might be trying to "save face" by going on about how it is the right thing to do. People dont like to hear they have done something wrong and stubborn people will argue.

I really sympathise. Both my exmil and her mother went on and on about weaning. I would bet they tried to feed DS behind my back before he was weaned.

On one occasion her mother threatened to call SS, in a PA way through baby talk to DS. “Your mummy’s starving you isn’t she? If she doesn’t Start giving you baby rice, I’ll ring SS. Yes I will, yes I will.” apparently her two kids had been having baby rice in their bottles at 4 and 2 WEEKS, respectively.

I handed her the phone and told her I couldn’t wait to hear social services’ response when she told them that.

Some people are just dicks and all you can do is ignore.

I wouldn't send her links or engage her at all. I'd just smile sweetly say something like 'I'm sure she'll be fine following current medical advice' and ignore mil.

6m is based on ensuring their gut biome is healthy enough and flourishing the way it should be. Reducing risk of everything from depression to serious allergies and illness when older. Tell your MIL to fuck off.

Just say thank you for the advice, I will think about it, but for now I am happy Breast feeding, I just love not having to carry a bottle around...

Your baby is too small to need more than milk off you .

Just ignore her! People don’t like change and always say well it never harmed babies 30 years ago 🙄 it winds me right up!
Things change for a reason and regardless of that she’s your child so it’s up to you to feed her!
If she by any chance of the opinion that you shouldn’t pick your baby up too much because she will get used to being cuddled and won’t ever settle?
My MIL also bangs on about rusks all the time too, my dd will not be having them they’re full of sugar and not needed at all plus they’re like cardboard and disgusting haha

Definitely dont try to convince her. As PP have said all it will do is possibly make her feel guilty about her choices but she will continue to harp on to convince herself she is right.

I thought you baby was going to be a year old or something. Your mil is trying to be helpful she would have weaned your partner about now just tell her no weaning is later now and turn your ears off to her tutting and going on about in her day.

@harrypotterfan1604 yep she's one of those as well! She thinks DD is too clingy because I've breastfed her. She's actually just happiest when she's with either me, DH or DM and it's purely because we are the 3 people she's spent most of her life with. She doesn't like being passed around amongst people she doesn't know and MIL seems oblivious to the fact that because she chose not to have anything to do with her for the first 3 months of her life my DD doesn't actually know who she is. It's nothing to do with how she's been fed.

Never understood peoples need to tell others how to raise their kids as if only they know best. As for weaning, whatever's good for you (though preferably before secondary school)

Ergh I hate this, it's always older people and grandparents who have to stick their beaks in when it comes to weaning. Yes they weaned babies much earlier back then, but times have changed and a lot of research has been done since then into early weaning and it's effects on the stomach. My mum always says how she weaned me at 9 weeks as I was SO hungry, she finds it amusing that I was such a pig apparently. I now have IBS 🤷‍♀️ well done for continuing to breastfeed and you carry on if that's what you want to do!! I hate all the pressure from outsides about what we should and shouldn't do with our babies. It infuriates me. Rusks are also the work of the devil, they are absolutely full of sugar, even the low sugar ones. And baby rice doesn't have any nutritional value whatsoever!

I’ve noticed a bit of an attitude from some of the older generation about when to wean but it’s none of her business and the same goes for all your parenting decisions

Why doesn't your mil know your baby but you seem to see her alot for her to always go on about weaning?

Frankly, it is none of her business.
Ignore her.
None of mine would take a bottle, but would happily use a sippy cup around 6 months, so I wouldn't worry about it.
My MIL was desperate to give DS1 fresh orange juice at a few days old.
I just said no.

Rusks are just biscuits, might as well wean her on chocolate digestives! My mil told me she weaned my husband at 10 weeks, he didn't like milk apparently. She was ok with accepting times and guidelines change though when I said we won't be trying our children with any foodsuntil 6 months.

As for breastfeeding ignore her comments, a lot of mils want their daughter in laws to stop for their own agenda (so they can have the baby). A good friend of mine stopped feeding at only a couple of weeks old as her mil said he clearly wasn't getting enough (it was rubbish). She listened though and really regretted it. She had her second child and has been feeding for 11 months now and it's going great, the mil tried the same stunt, but my friend told her straight this time.

Just take no notice of your mil.

I would be ostentatiously breastfeeding as much as possible in front of them all, including the 14 yo.

Also “oh how interesting advice changes. Lucky we have car seats now/road deaths have diminished and different advice on sleeping/sids rates have reduced”

My PIL were like this. When i had DD i bf her until 8 months because i was brainwashed into thinking formula was evil .Literally every time they came over "SIL did it this way, she'll sleep better if you formula feed, what about a night time top up? etc"
With DS i introduced formula at a few weeks and mixed fed, i had PND and DH did a night feed with formula. So with him it was constantly "shouldn't you be giving solids now?"

There are so many ridiculous myths about breastfeeding routes around, often by the older generation or those who have no experience of breastfeeding in their families. I’m lucky that my MIL who never breastfed is perfectly happy that both me and SIL breastfed.

I’ve heard it all but totally ignore now. From my own mum who breastfed both me and my sister. If I hadn’t breastfed it would have been the end of the world but now dd is 2 it is far too long, ridiculous blah blah blah. Ignore!!

The one about you being small OP is hilarious, I’m only 5ft 2 but had a 99th percentile breastfed baby (at 5 months so before weaning)! She certainly wasn’t underfed!!

To be honest babies are meant to cry it’s how they communicate. With breastfeeding the great thing is you can just put them to the great and they will calm down immediately. I think it’s how things are meant to be.

Fed her wherever you want. Don't go to a separate room.

And MIL said DH had carnation milk instead of formula???

Just ignore them. I've had chunky little milk monsters who even at 6m weren't that interested in food, milk is fine to 6m, and 'food before 1 is for fun'.