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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tattoo of ex

58 replies

Fatandfedup1 · 21/04/2019 15:53

Hi.
Do you think it's unreasonable for me to ask boyfriend to get the tattoo of his exes name removed or covered?
Our baby is due in 7 weeks and I think skin to skin is so important but I can't bear the idea of our new baby puzzling against his daddy's chest, with his face in her name and worse seeing it in photos.
She's caused us nothing but aggravation and this is a brand new start for us.
I don't think it's unreasonable. Do you? Thanks in advance

OP posts:
Refilona · 21/04/2019 15:54

He won’t be able to get it lasered in 7 weeks but could get it covered.

Original poster
Fatandfedup1 · 21/04/2019 15:54

*nuzzling

OP posts:
LilyRose88 · 21/04/2019 15:55

I wouldn't be happy with a tattoo of an exes name. He should either get a cover up tattoo or start laser treatment, but laser takes ages and is quite painful.

SimonJT · 21/04/2019 15:55

It’s just a few letters, personally I think expecting someone to get another tattoo or laser removal is fairly extreme. An ex partner and I have a matching tattoo, I won’t be having it covered/removed.

Original poster
Fatandfedup1 · 21/04/2019 15:56

Thanks refilona

OP posts:
Nearlythere1 · 21/04/2019 15:57

YANBU

WatchingTheWheels85 · 21/04/2019 15:59

yanbu

Refilona · 21/04/2019 16:00

I’d definitely ask him to get it covered, maybe he could cover it up with something related to your new baby?
I would be quite sad to see photos of my dh holding my baby with an ex tattoo in sight!

CupcakeDrama · 21/04/2019 16:00

yanbu!!! I would hve asked a long time ago. will be awful in photos

Ellisandra · 21/04/2019 16:15

A new start for you?
I’d have been making a new start for your relationship well before deciding to get pregnant Confused

Why are you even asking? Why haven’t you been able to have the conversation that goes “love, I’m not mad keen on your ex’s name tattoo - could you get another tattoo that covers it, or laser it?” well before now?

I’m not the jealous type (my widower husband wears his first wedding ring still, we don’t have one) - but I wouldn’t want the name of some random ex (especially a trouble making one) staring back at me in bed.

ScafellPoke · 21/04/2019 16:17

I agree with ellis

Ellisandra · 21/04/2019 16:25

Tbh, I always have my Hmm face on when a new baby is heralded as a “new start” as it usually seems to mean “we’re bringing a child into a whole bunch of issues, instead of fixing them”.

Mintandthyme · 21/04/2019 16:28

Are you asking MN because you have already asked your partner and he has refused?

ToEarlyForDecorations · 21/04/2019 16:34

a new baby is heralded as a “new start” as it usually seems to mean “we’re bringing a child into a whole bunch of issues, instead of fixing them”.

Yep. Relationship breaking down ? Get married. Still breaking down ? Have a baby. Still breaking down because of the pressure of marriage and parenthood ? Oh well, get divorced.

Original poster
Fatandfedup1 · 21/04/2019 16:57

It's a brand new start because we are becoming a family. It's not just us anymore. I wasn't expecting some of the judgemental responses. I was simply asking MN before I broached the subject with him because it's never really bothered me until I've started thinking about skin to skin. I wondered if I was just being hormonal and wanted to gauge what other people considered reasonable. Everyone has a past and I wouldn't consider myself to be a jealous type either.
Thanks for your responses/support.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 21/04/2019 17:01

If its just a name I would associate it with someone else. Personally I wouldn't give it headspace if it's never bothered you before.

YetAnotherUser · 21/04/2019 17:02

I wasn't expecting some of the judgemental responses

You're new here, aren't you? Grin

flitwit99 · 21/04/2019 17:04

How many letters?
Surely he can get it altered into something else if it's not too long?
Probably not in time for the baby coming but he should definitely do it. Now it's started bugging you it will always bug you.
A design he had shared with an ex wouldn't bother me so much but her actual name would.

TheCatDidSay · 21/04/2019 17:04

It should be gone way before a baby is made if it’s a name or face

MrsFionaCharming · 21/04/2019 17:06

Hope the baby is a girl, give it same name as ex. Problem solved.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 21/04/2019 17:06

You can ask OP, and YWNBU to do so BUT, his body, his skin, his choice. And as much as I cant stand tattoos, I suppose they document someones history. It's a bit more than a jealous fit and cutting her off pictures isn't it?

Nicely worse seeing it in photos. make him put a shirt on. No one wants to see tattoo'd half nuddy photos of blokes.

Armadillostoes · 21/04/2019 17:07

Sadly judgemental responses with a whole raft of assumptions are pretty much par for the course from so posters. As is attacking the OP on principle in AIBU, bending over backwards to find fault and be outraged. There are lots of nice and non-vicuous posters as well though. You just need a good filter.

ScabbyHorse · 21/04/2019 17:11

UR Definitely NBU!

Order654 · 21/04/2019 17:12

Ask him to get it covered. I wouldn’t be happy about it.

Ginger1982 · 21/04/2019 17:14

Is it her full name? Is there a heart or anything? YANBU as I wouldn't like this either but I would have broached it long before now!

Ellis that's interesting about your husband's ring. Did you ever speak about it or did he just tell you he wouldn't take it off?