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AIBU?

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Original poster

How to let him down?

86 replies

MollyPolli · 21/04/2019 15:49

I'm on my third date with a man who is clingy. Please read my previous post for context. He has spent a fortune bringing me to the seaside and is still being clingy and I really need to tell him its not going anywhere but how?!?! I have found out today he can't get his penis erect so sex is very hard too. He will be devastated when I tell him, but how? I know its really early days but I'm staying in same hotel as him tonight so don't want him murdering me in my sleep.

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 22/04/2019 09:47

You ignored the advice and you've lead him on

I know I couldn't spend the night in a hotel and the same bed with someone I didn't want to be with

And telling him on the way home, that's grim

Nousernameforme · 22/04/2019 09:50

The money and over affection is a way to trap you fast and make you feel bad about leaving him. He doesn't actually want you as much as he wants to not be alone.

Run like fuck op

lostfrequencies · 22/04/2019 09:53

Yawn.

Original poster
MollyPolli · 22/04/2019 10:02

I really don't feel like I have led him on. On Saturday he was much more chilled, I thought he may be dating material and it actually took some persuading for him to take me away. He is lovely but so clingy. Its not normal for anyone to be staring at someone in the morning as they wake up!!! Also, he didn't tell me about his erection problem til we were chilling at the hotel.

OP posts:
NorthernKnickers · 22/04/2019 10:03

@EnthusiasmIsDisturbed people DID say those things to the OP...and much more...in her previous thread!!! She ignored EVERY LAST ONE of them, and went on a bloody romantic mini-break with this dude! We told her to run for the hills after 'date number 2'. Yet here she is! In bed with him, in a hotel room...24 hours later!! So yeah...people are understandably 😱 with her 🤷‍♀️

Candleglow7475 · 22/04/2019 10:10

I thought he may be dating material and it actually took some persuading for him to take me away.

So you're saying you had to persuade him to take you away???? After not even being sure about him, you persuaded him to take you away?
That sounds shit of you, you should be giving all / half the money spent if that’s the case.

ChristmasFluff · 22/04/2019 10:10

Why were you persuading someone to take you away for a third date - especially when you knew they were the clingy type that you don't like???

100 per cent leading him on is how you are coming across.

WhyCantIThinkOfAGoodOne · 22/04/2019 10:12

If you thought he was dating material and "chilled" why start a thread about him declaring his love on the second date? Why after that agree to go away and stay in a hotel with him? Even if there had been no red flags in the first 2 dates that would be a crazy move. You do seem to be seeking out pathological situations with clearly unsuitable men.

HoppingPavlova · 22/04/2019 10:16

On Saturday he was much more chilled, I thought he may be dating material and it actually took some persuading for him to take me away.

WTF is wrong with you. Trying to persuade someone, who you felt was creepy after date number one, to ‘take you away’ for date number three because date number two went sort of okay. Seek professional assistance.

I don’t even believe this is real.

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom · 22/04/2019 10:19

I think she trying to say he had to persuade her to go.

CoolCatKat · 22/04/2019 10:19

Is this thread for real or a wind up? Do women really put themselves in situations like this? Go on holiday with a total stranger? How strange.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 22/04/2019 10:24

Op isn’t the first person to get carried away and hoping this might be something good

She isn’t a child to tell off Hmm and neither does he need sympathy for her leading him on she hasn’t she just hoped it would be different he is an adult and made his own choices through he neediness

Move on and don’t look back or feel guilty

Don’t worry he is online he will met someone else very soon

WhyCantIThinkOfAGoodOne · 22/04/2019 10:38

@EnthusiasmIsDisturbed

I think people don't really think OP is for real because this totally isn't what normal people do. On the first date he was creepy and clingy then on the second he declares his love to her - she asks for advice because she finds him creepy then agrees to go away and stay in a hotel with him for a third date. Definitely not normal behaviour! If OP is for real she needs to stop dating until she can evaluate situations better.

Wildrose19 · 22/04/2019 10:40

I assumed he persuaded her.

Motoko · 22/04/2019 10:47

I didn't read it that she persuaded him, but the other way round.

gottastopeatingchocolate · 22/04/2019 11:13

OP, can you please clarify who persuaded who? If you persuaded him to buy you a mini break, I think, given the circumstances, that you might offer to pay something towards it.

In terms of the sex/babies issue - has he said he has a problem, or that he isn't interested in having sex? Because there is treatment available if it is a problem.

All that said, I find the whole thread (and the previous one) disingenuous and would suggest that if you are for real you stop dating for a while.

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 22/04/2019 11:29

I know you've said you thought he'd chilled out and was stopping the clingy-ness, but going away for a mini-break? That's a bit much, why didn't you just go on another normal third date, like a meal out or something, to check he really was being more normal? I haven't read your other thread, but it sounds like you need to tell him it's not working and then get rid on Facebook too.

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 22/04/2019 11:32

Ok yeah I've read the OP on your last thread: run, run away, run away now, why aren't you already running away?!

Original poster
MollyPolli · 22/04/2019 11:48

He persuaded me to come away. He said he would work on the clingyness. After I tried to finish things because of this and the fact he said he loved me on the second date, he asked if he could bring me for a night away to show me how he could be and that he could make it up to me. When I spent a few hours with him on Saturday, he wasn't clingy at all and that's when I agreed he could bring me away after much persuading from me.

We were messing around in the hotel which is when I realised he couldn't get more than a semi erection so not enough for penetrative sex. I made it explicitly clear I wanted kids before not too long because I'm nearing my late thirties so need to find the right man. Hmm

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 22/04/2019 11:49

Do you really not see how risky that was?

Original poster
MollyPolli · 22/04/2019 11:52

Sorry, meant to say much persuading from him, not me. I was very reluctant to come.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 22/04/2019 11:54

So why ignore your instincts?

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 22/04/2019 11:57

But.. I don't get it... not even DH could've convinced me to go away with him as a third date and I knew pretty quick that he wasn't a clingy guy who was massively overstepping boundaries. No chance. And actually, he wouldn't have asked, because even asking that is hugely too much too quick and that's what you said you didn't like!!! I just can't fathom why you'd go away with him just because he said he'd be less clingy? I'd want proof first before I put myself in such a massively vulnerable situation and so should you! Leave, then text him to tell him it's not working. Definitely leave now anyway.

EleanorOalike · 22/04/2019 11:59

@CoolCatKat I always find it a bit Shock too, but I’ve known some people IRL who have done this kind of thing, including a friend who met a guy in a club one night and went off for a two week villa holiday abroad with him a couple of days later. She survived but said “it didn’t work out...I felt like he’d just invited me to have someone to have sex with.”

I can’t imagine ever having the mindset where it’s safe to go on a holiday alone with a near enough stranger that you’ve known a matter of hours.

HBStowe · 22/04/2019 12:00

I can’t believe you agreed to go away with him and share a room on the third date when you had such reservations about him!

Don’t let any sex stuff happen tonight, then tell him tomorrow you just aren’t feeling a romantic attraction and that you don’t see any point in persevering.

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