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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to let him down?

86 replies

MollyPolli · 21/04/2019 15:49

I'm on my third date with a man who is clingy. Please read my previous post for context. He has spent a fortune bringing me to the seaside and is still being clingy and I really need to tell him its not going anywhere but how?!?! I have found out today he can't get his penis erect so sex is very hard too. He will be devastated when I tell him, but how? I know its really early days but I'm staying in same hotel as him tonight so don't want him murdering me in my sleep.

OP posts:
Provincialbelle · 21/04/2019 17:31

The longer you leave it, the worse it will get for all concerned

Motoko · 21/04/2019 17:46

Hmm, OP seems to have a habit of posting a thread and disappearing. Ok, on this one, she did post twice, but it seems pointless to give her advice.

Tink1990 · 21/04/2019 17:54

Oh dearr

Angelf1sh · 21/04/2019 21:41

Why did you go away with someone you already knew you weren’t interested in? That’s stupidity at its highest. Actually no, stupidity at its highest is deciding at 4pm that rather than pack up and go home, the best thing to do was stay where you are and just complain on mumsnet Hmm

Chocmallows · 21/04/2019 21:59

Agree you are unusual in your outlook, why would you jump to sex and a holiday on date 3 when he quite rightly creeped you out on date 2 by saying he loved you?

Marriage on date 4, kids date 5 and divorce date 6?

Wheresmyvagina · 21/04/2019 22:02

Not to mention the creepy date 2 was yesterday Hmm

rvby · 21/04/2019 22:05

OP you've been a idiot. Take your stuff and go. You owe him nothing. Folk like this know that they can manipulate others by spending money on them and then making them feel beholden - dont go along with it. His spending is his choice.

Original poster
MollyPolli · 22/04/2019 07:15

Thanks for all your replies. Icame away with him because we spent some time together in Saturday daytime and after I had said to curb his enthusiasm for me, he seemed to take this on board. Stupid of me to come away though but it's been fine and I'm still alive!

OP posts:
dudsville · 22/04/2019 07:20

You're messing with him.

AzraiL · 22/04/2019 07:24

She's messing with him as well as everyone here. This person is either a troll or an 'askhole'.

Original poster
MollyPolli · 22/04/2019 07:35

I'm not messing with him. Just thought there was a chance we could get along but I can't live without sex.

OP posts:
SmileEachDay · 22/04/2019 07:39

I can't live without sex

Over egged it, OP, over egged it.

Original poster
MollyPolli · 22/04/2019 08:00

I can't live without sex, its very important to me.

OP posts:
adaline · 22/04/2019 08:07

Stop leading him on Hmm

Wildrose19 · 22/04/2019 08:14

I don’t think anyone is advising you to live without sex.

Original poster
MollyPolli · 22/04/2019 08:14

I'm going to speak to him on the way home. He knows that eventually i want children as I'm getting no younger but how can this happen when he can't get it up?

OP posts:
donajimena · 22/04/2019 08:17
Hmm
pictish · 22/04/2019 08:44

Wait till you’ve got home before having the conversation, unless it’s unavoidable on the journey home.
Strikes me that for whatever reason this guy is a bit extra. The expensive break, Facebook posts about you etc...third date in? He’s got no chill.
Stands to reason that if his affections are extra so too will his disappointment and anger at being ditched. He may well imagine that spending out seals the deal and you are under obligation to him now. You’re not...but in the interests of safety I’d get home before delivering the news.
Regards letting him down you should be honest but kind. “Thanks for this weekend, it was good of you to organise it. Going forward, I feel it’s only right and fair to tell you that I don’t see a relationship between us in the future. It’s nothing you’ve done wrong, you have been good company...but it’s not a romantic match for me.
I wish you the best in making that connection with someone soon. Good luck. Molly.”

Remember this is your 3rd date. You owe him zilch. That he has spent out, posted on Facebook, has fast forwarded everything to make it hard for you to refuse, is his problem. His choice. If he was a sane person he’d be regarding a third date as you do...no great shakes, just testing the water. He’s a bit nuts so gtf away from him then never see him again.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 22/04/2019 08:51

I would now wait until you get home and do it by phone

Don’t worry he will use every manipulative trap to get you to change your mind so cut contact don’t offer to be a friend or stay in touch

And you will be replaced within a week or to maybe he will find as someone as needy as himself and they will be happy together

pictish · 22/04/2019 09:01

Yes don’t offer to stay in touch or anything like that. Be polite but firm.

Original poster
MollyPolli · 22/04/2019 09:29

Thanks for your replies. After I spent the day with him on Saturday I thought he had changed with being so needy and curved it but i dobt think he has. When I woke up thus morning he was just lied staring at me Shock

OP posts:
Sux2buthen · 22/04/2019 09:34

You're in bed with him on a romantic getaway, of course he's staring at you. He's probably feeling happy poor sod

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 22/04/2019 09:39

If this was turned around we wouldn’t be saying to a man aww poor women she is in love don’t lead her in we would be saying get out she is unhinged

He will be doing the same with another women very soon this is about him not you

Dieu · 22/04/2019 09:44

You need to grow up. Funny how it took him spending a fortune on you, to realise that we were all right on your previous thread.
Stop stringing him along and just bloody end it.

WhyCantIThinkOfAGoodOne · 22/04/2019 09:46

@NorthernKnickers

Yes if the OP is for real she seems to be seeking out dangerous and clearly unhealthy situations. If I was her (and she's not just making these threads up) I would stop dating altogether for a while and try to get into a better frame of mind.

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