To be a bit disappointed about being fat AND ugly?

[PiggoSuperstar]

It’s a bit woah is me. But it really is unfair and it’s getting worse as I get old. There are so many women out there who are bigger and who are the most beautiful and perfect looking people because they have such gorgeous faces and confidence and everything going for them.

Then there are plenty of more average looking women who have the most perfect figures, stunning hair, beautiful long legs and who keep in such natural great shape.

Then there is me. I’m both fat and I am ugly. But when I say ugly I mean what a fucking munter. Thing is I can take a decent enough “selfie” but I just took some photos of myself today on my phone’s timer as I wanted to see how grotesque I looked in shorts (preparing for summer) and I was shocked at how disgusting I am. I didn’t think I’d be as bad as that. So incredibly ugly! Like painfullynugly. I’m early 40s and you’d think I was about 60.

At what point do you accept that that is it? Thing is even when I was younger I was fat and ugly. Especially ugly. I’ve been fatter and I’ve been thinner (currently about a 14/16 but with the arms and calfs of at least a size 22. No joke. I thought I may actually have lipidema.) My upper arms look like a normal woman’s thighs. I have extremely large sagging beasts but I’m fairly narrow in the middle so at least identifiable as a woman.

I’m definitely in a severe minority as there is no one out there who is more misfortune than I am with looks and body. The tragic part is that when I look in the mirror it’s not so bad. It’s only in photos where I notice just how disturbing my appearance really is. I’m actually quite embarrassed now after setting the camera to self timer, that I walk about my day to day life thinking that I’m not as revolting as I obviously am!!

AIBU to think that it’s so totally unfair that I’ve been cursed with the worst of both things?

For what it's worth OP-I too feel as though I look ok in the mirror but Jesus Christ, I am absolutely horrific in photos. I just tell myself I'm not very photogenic.

It’s not a competition and it’s only the very sick minded people who would even think to compare.

Isn't that what this whole thread is about? OP is comparing herself to others.

If, exercise-wise, what you've been doing isn't doing much, then change what you're doing. Find something else you enjoy. Once the weight drops, you will become more confident and feel so so much better in yourself.

We all have these days, OP, and I'm sure you have good qualities. You view yourself differently from the way everyone else sees you. Hope you feel better.

I’ve thought about getting rid of mirrors, but the thing is I need them for the irony that I have to see what I’m looking at when putting my make up on!!!
My therapist told me to cover up the mirror. I just uncover it when I absolutely have to,
I have body dysmorphic disorder, sounds very much like you,
Im sorry you feel so shit about yourself

You sure your really hideously ugly?

Confidence does play a huge part In how attractive someone is

Size 14 is the same size as marathon monroe ( I think ) so your not fat

Ok you have chunky legs but a tiny waist ... in comparison I have in relation to the rest of me thinner legs and arms but my stomach is where every sin goes ... looked pregnant looking all my life! So much so when I was heavily pregnant people didn’t realise I was ( customers where I worked that were regular ... prob just thought I was a little fatter ) 😂😂

I think big thighs and bums looks amazing!!

A waistline would be a dream! I make a marvellous rectangle / square on sticks m

But hey I take a decent selfie to! And that’s what I will continue to do 😬😬

Marilyn Monroe sorry

Photos VS the mirror. One thing to consider is that you're used to seeing the mirror image, and seeing the "real" image will look stranger, as it shows all the bits that aren't exactly symmetrical on the "wrong" side for you - whereas your friends and family are used to looking at you like that. You can sometimes really notice this when catching someone you know in the mirror.

I've been told I am hilarious, quick-witted, clever, compassionate, generous and loving. I ask myself why that isn't enough. All. The. Time.

I could have written this. Am feeling so low lately.

OP, you're not alone. I loathe photos of myself which is fucking awful since everyone and their brother seems obsessed with photographing everything and everyone at all times.

14 -16 is not fat, unless you’re 4 ft 8..I’m sure op knows she can type..

"No-one is ugly. No-one. "

What a silly thing to write. OP might not be, but some people surely are. If some are beautiful and some are average then some must be ugly.

I dunno OP... you might be fat, ugly and unpleasant but you sure sound funny

You know what’s an even smaller minority than fat and ugly people? Funny people! There’s your niche - nurture it looks fade and most people spread out in circumference eventually!

"Size 14 is the same size as marathon [Marilyn] monroe ( I think ) so your not fat"

No, that's a myth. She had a tiny waist at least.

Be grateful for the body you have however if looks. I'm assuming you can walk, talk, see, hear- things that some people dream of x

Unless you had your kids bybsoeem did not presumably someone found you attractive once? I think you need to see a doctor about your mental health tbh. My brother is paraplegic and more positive about life than you sound.

I am fat and ugly too so you don't win!! And yes, maybe even dressed up, I look like a wonderfully polished turd but basically it doesn't matter!

I had BDD when I was younger but I've now decided I just don't care any longer.

Life is so much more than looks. If you have people who love you and whom you love, experiences that are worth experiencing and do something fulfilling with your days- then that's great. Occasionally you might see a photo and puke in your mouth a little bit but what you see in photos is not what your kids/friends see in photos- even if you are objectively unattractive- they will see all of the nice things they see in you, every time they see a photo of you.

by sperm donor

14 -16 is not fat, unless you’re 4 ft 8..I’m sure op knows she can type..

That's absolute rubbish.

The average UK size for a woman is size 16 and the majority of UK adults are overweight or obese.

That's an absolute fact whether you want to believe it or not.

Yes, two thirds of UK adults are overweight or obese. Perhaps two thirds of UK adults are ugly as well? That would make the OP altogether average. Welcome to the majority, OP!

Thank you for your support. I know I sound like a dick to some because I totally realise that there are people who are physically impaired and termally ill. I’m also fully aware that actually, that could potentially be any one of us at any time. My siblings died before they reached my age, so I know how unfair life is with all that shitty shite.

However it’s just exhausting sometimes and mentally pretty tough to deal with! To answer some questions I have a DH who has always been complementary about my physical appearance, in fact that’s possibly the only issue we’ve never ever even had an issue with in our marriage.

I’m 5’9 so I stand out like a giant beacon of ugliness in all situations because I’m extremely visible.

I’ve had Botox, fillers, tried all kinds of miricle hair products, get my hair done every 6 weeks and spend a lot on clothes.
But I still look like a bloated blimp version of Miranda next to absolutely everyone.

The only part of my body that I like are my hands. I guess I could walk with them over my face, but I guess that’s hardly practical.

I don’t even think I’m a particularly nice person because I do sometimes have very cunty thoughts about people and can also be a bit judgey.

I’ve read all the posts and I feel bad that other people feel like I do. No one deserves to feel so bad. It’s really consuming at times! I’ve been on ADs for about a year now. But before I was depressed and ugly and fat and now I’m just a bit jollier but still as ugly and fat.

You can’t look like Miranda. She’s 6’1’’. 5’9’’ isn’t even that tall!

Most of us don't deny we're fat - the labels on our clothes are an affirmation of that! ... but I bet you're not ugly.

I see ugly most of the time when I look in the mirror - but people don't recoil in the street - and the only people who've ever called me ugly to my face were saying it out of spite. In fact, when I put on a bit of slap I think I look pretty good. Trouble is, when my self-esteem is on the floor I tend not to bother.

I've recently got fillers & botox - and whilst still not looking like Linda Evangelista - I like the way it looks like me - but a little bit better. It's been hard suddenly looking old - as well as the aforementioned fat & ugly - but this has rolled back the years. Again, a little bit of make-up and I rock it - even more so when I don't dress like a slob.

It's all about self-esteem - sadly you can't buy that over the counter in Debenhams.

Why not target your weight and try to tackle it to make yourself feel better? Personal trainer or something similar - might improve your confidence? I’m sure you are being hard on yourself though, as we always are

If you're going to the effort of putting on make up and still feel you look ugly with it on, maybe try having a make over at a counter? Body Shop was good for me to get an age appropriate update to my look. I wouldn't say I'm ugly, more plain or just unappealing, but have to admit I look a million times better with that daytime look on than without. Almost pretty worth a shot OP!

OP I came back to this thread for tips and hope you're feeling better.

I've started to think that my.obsession with how I think I look is really clouding my judgment. I assume most ppl think I'm minging, but the truth is I don't know what they're thinking.

So I'm learning, truly, that one man's meat etc. I might be plain/yuck to some, but gorgeous to others. My self esteem can't be contingent upon what I think my face looks like anymore. It is what it is.

If that makes any sense at all.