To be a bit disappointed about being fat AND ugly?

[PiggoSuperstar]

It’s a bit woah is me. But it really is unfair and it’s getting worse as I get old. There are so many women out there who are bigger and who are the most beautiful and perfect looking people because they have such gorgeous faces and confidence and everything going for them.

Then there are plenty of more average looking women who have the most perfect figures, stunning hair, beautiful long legs and who keep in such natural great shape.

Then there is me. I’m both fat and I am ugly. But when I say ugly I mean what a fucking munter. Thing is I can take a decent enough “selfie” but I just took some photos of myself today on my phone’s timer as I wanted to see how grotesque I looked in shorts (preparing for summer) and I was shocked at how disgusting I am. I didn’t think I’d be as bad as that. So incredibly ugly! Like painfullynugly. I’m early 40s and you’d think I was about 60.

At what point do you accept that that is it? Thing is even when I was younger I was fat and ugly. Especially ugly. I’ve been fatter and I’ve been thinner (currently about a 14/16 but with the arms and calfs of at least a size 22. No joke. I thought I may actually have lipidema.) My upper arms look like a normal woman’s thighs. I have extremely large sagging beasts but I’m fairly narrow in the middle so at least identifiable as a woman.

I’m definitely in a severe minority as there is no one out there who is more misfortune than I am with looks and body. The tragic part is that when I look in the mirror it’s not so bad. It’s only in photos where I notice just how disturbing my appearance really is. I’m actually quite embarrassed now after setting the camera to self timer, that I walk about my day to day life thinking that I’m not as revolting as I obviously am!!

AIBU to think that it’s so totally unfair that I’ve been cursed with the worst of both things?

At least you are funny OP

I feel the same. Physically I feel I have no redeeming features.

Im in the process of losing 5st, I have thinning hair, wrinkles but ALSO teenage acne cellulite, loose skin from the weight I've already lost, varicose veins... I mean... I could go on.

I've started tackling the weight first. Then I'll assess the rest as I go.

I will say that I'm friendly, outgoing and people tell me I'm hilarious and quick witted. I wish I could just stop comparing myself to others. I think when you stop comparing you're on the road to happiness.

Oh and I'm only 35, I've wasted most of my twenties eating my feelings.

I've managed to get control of that mostly and lost 17 pounds in 7 weeks. But it's just a drop in the ocean.

I too have thinning hair. All my fat goes to my stomach. I have a fat chin. Big annoying boobs. Freckles all over. I have no discernable talents. I'm not that interesting.

I'm like a cameo actor in my own life.

1. You probably look much nicer than you think you do

1. [Controversial] Most women don't look great in shorts anyway. Get some linen trousers or a nice skirt, much more flattering.

Guess what OP? I’d fancy you cos you’re fucking hilarious, and humour wins over beauty any day of the week! Totally get what you’re saying about being ashamed to be walking round feeling more attractive than you are- I feel exactly the same and blame my dad for telling me I was beautiful as a child. What a shock when I realised I was pretty unattractive!

You say you have kids - do you/did you have a partner? Being beautiful or pretty is different to being attractive - I presume the father of your kids found your attractive!

You need to stop this right now, OP. Whatever it takes(therapy/hypnosis/counselling) you have to develop a healthier self image. Otherwise, one day you’ll wake up to find you’re 70+ and you’ve spent your entire life loathing yourself.

My body’s had it but then I’m getting on a bit 😁 Still attractive in lots of ways though and I try my best to go with those.

I have never taken a decent photo in my life.
I have a face like a spotwelders bench.
I’m 2 stone heavier than I was 2 years ago.
It’s crap, but it’s how it is.
I refuse to starve myself or spend all week at the gym.
I refuse to hide/lurk because I don’t fit the current model of what being attractive is.
I truly believe that we are far far harder on ourselves than anyone else could ever be.
And I like to think I have a good heart :)
—and I don’t wear shorts :)—

You’re not fat OP.
I’m an ugly soul too. It’s a wee shame for me.

Can we see a picture?

I bet you're not ugly. No one is ugly! You sound like you don't have much confidence at the moment, is there anything you can do that you think would help improve it?

You're beautiful, believe in yourself!

In France, there is a say " there are no ugly women, only lazy ones" which can be applied to the majority of the population.
Of course, some have medical conditions or have had an accident, in this case .

Charlotte Gainsbourg wasn't blessed in her genetics, but she is the proof with attention and work, you can become very pleasant.

Lose the weight, love yourself and wish the best for yourself and this also includes changing your username in something that doesn't start with "pig" , be determined , take care of your skin, learn how to dress and what to ditch (fleece, tracksuit, ...), invest in a good haircut, and clean your cupboard of all biscuits, crisps, snacks, frozen fried rubbish.

Work to be the person you have in your head instead of grieving her!

I’ve been feeling awful lately as well, not helped by PND and a lot of baby weight hanging around.
The thing is I’ve never been short of a boyfriend or a compliment. I get (got) lots of attention from men and do have admittedly good bone structure and some nice features (nice lips, thick hair) but honestly I’m not classically good looking and I am HORRENDOUS in photos - I have quite small eyes and a bit of weird nose, in the mirror with make up I don’t think they are too bad but in photos - OMG AWFUL.
I rarely have my photo taken now, I just don’t bother. I have extremely thin skin under my eyes and no amount of make up will hide the darkness so I just look like a heroin addict in a nice frock.

Nothing to add except to say that you’re not alone and also, beauty is both subjective and also finite. We all age, we all become dry, saggy shells. Personality, humour, kindness, character and conviction lasts forever.
Society has told us what we have to look like to be considered beautiful and anyone who falls outside of that is fucked. It is extremely unfair.

Can I join? Short, fat and ugly here. When I used to commute into London by train I'd sit there feeling awful for the people sitting opposite me who had to look at me for 40 minutes. I've never been good looking and usually get by on my humour but I'm starting to get pissed off with being the funny one who'll do anything for anyone. But at 47 that's highly unlikely to change now.

You aren’t.

Meh, me too

Except I’m a size 18-20 (medication has made me balloon). Oh, a make up is a waste because it’s like glittering a turd. And I’m a deeply unfunny personality vacuum.

So in comparison you sound rather fab

It takes hard work, dedication, time and money to look good. Most of us can't be bothered. It means keeping an eye on the weight, exercise, good makeup, hairdressing and nice clothes. I'm sure you're not ugly, OP, you just haven't got the motivation.

You write wonderfully and you’ve made me snort with laughter (not at you, as I’m in a similar rapidly sinking boat!) but I’d say your friends really rate your company and I can tell you make people laugh and have wit and intelligence by the bucketload. That counts for so much more than looks!

You also have self awareness in spades which is such a rarity these days, everyone is bloody wonderful and marvelous but the rest of the world are narcissists! People seem so busy diagnosing other people with mental illnesses, personality disorders, judging their lifestyle and looks etc but they rarely take a a genuine non biased, non self deprecating but honest look at themselves!

I think you seem quite brilliant actually!

(As for actual advise I would say, eat well and drink lots of water. Know what flatters you but figure out your own style and embrace it, follow pages on insta of people who are funny and warm, take up a physical activity you really enjoy-try loads if you have to! Just enjoy being you and appreciate all the great things you are and the good you bring to others lives, be grateful each day for all the simple little things, splurge on your favorite make up or hair stuff or whatever you’re into that makes you feel good, create things- draw, paint, write or craft!)

We are so much more than these vessels we’re just borrowing for a while!

If you think you look ok in the mirror but awful in photos, you might just be an unphotogenic person.

I have to take about 50 photos to find a decent one, preferably more. Sometimes I can’t believe how awful I look in photos eg double chin, lopsided, saggy, lazy eye. I am fascinatingly bad. But in normal life I am passable and dressed up I look fine.

Not many women over 40 look their best in shorts. I am slim (ish) and haven’t worn shorts for twenty years.

I think you sound normal.

It’s just so unfair.

Do you have all your limbs? Are you cancer free? Come on OP, if you are talking about physical injustice or limitations I think you need to count your blessings.

OP, not everyone is conventionally beautiful.

I always come back to this Roald Dahl quote: “A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”

And it's true!

I'm a bit younger than you but also feel incredibly ugly. I have thinning hair, body acne, and a weak chin. The last photographs of me (except official ID photos that I couldn't avoid) are from when I was 12 years old. A friend took a photo of me on my graduation day and I made her delete it because all I could see was how piggy my face looked. (and yes, I thought I looked fine in the mirror that morning, too!)

There's not much I can do about my face but I do feel better about my body since I started going to the gym a month ago. My larger lower body means I can lift more than I expected, and getting stronger is amazing.

I know people mean well when they say that nobody's really ugly, but some of us just don't have the features that society finds attractive. I wish it was just okay to be ugly and focus on other qualities like positive personality traits or abilities.

U don't have to be fat

14-16 isn’t fat, it’s below average for uk women.

The majority of UK adults are overweight or obese though.

OP don't be so hard on yourself. You're funny and good at typing. I bet there are tonnes more good points too that you just won't allow yourself to believe.

Do you have all your limbs? Are you cancer free? Come on OP, if you are talking about physical injustice or limitations I think you need to count your blessings.

FFS! There's no need to be so dismissive of the OP's feelings. How about giving her some support instead? Yes, there are people in the world who are worse off, just as there are people who are better off. It doesn't make the OP's feelings any less valid or worthy.

Sorry OP, some posters on MN are just insensitive idiots.